Darren's Mommy Blog

January 2012 - Gong Xi Fa Cai.

2012-01-31T17:18:00.002+08:00

Has it been month end already? Time really flies..I never realised it is already month end until I read one of the bloggers monthly newsletter.

So, this month has been extremely busy and "festive". We are still in the festive mood. I stopped yoga this month to prepare for the CNY spring cleaning. It was all about cleaning and clearing during the first 2 weeks of January. Actually I was the one who took care of Isabel full time while my helper doing the cleaning work. I cleaned and cleared the study room and children's toys and their wardrobe. I re-organised their wardrobe by taking out all the old and undersized clothing and replenished with some new clothes.

The fact that I was happier this month because I don't need to rush to yoga most mornings and I spend more time with Isabel in the morning. Since schools also started this month, we are adjusting to the new routine too.

I set my NY resolutions early this month and tried sticking to it. But I experience some hiccup in the children's learning area and I am going slow with that now. Really need to work on it.

The last 2 weeks of January were spent celebrating CNY. We travelled down to Melaka for 4 days and back to KL for one night before adjourned up to Ipoh for another 3 days. Busy busy but merry... We love all the family gatherings and makan time. Everyone including Darren and Isabel enjoyed all the CNY junk.

As for Darren,

He is entering K2 this year and he is reaching school earlier BUT still not "punctual". So, after CNY, we have been getting him to sleep early and wake up 7.30am. So, he has been early to school before 8am for this 2 days. Very good start and I hope we can stick to it. My plan is to get him to sleep at 9.30pm and wake up at 7.30am. He is also not attending the same class with his cousin this year. I tried to pick him up from school earlier this year too.

I have been his "hairdresser" since November. I enjoyed cutting his hair and it has been receiving good feedback from people. The only problem is his hair is too thick. Today, I tried to trim more and make it less thick. He loves me cutting his hair too.

His Chinese writing has improved a lot. He can write his own Chinese name and the word "星期" that he used to ask me to write for him in the whiteboard. He can speak in Mandarin quite well too. He is learning to speak Cantonese with my parents and family members. He was so cute in Ipoh trying to speak to me even in Cantonese.

As for Isabel..

Terrible two is the best stage I can describe her now. She is getting more demanding and command me to do this and that. Or else, she can cry and cry till don't know when - very long winded. She also loves to fight with kor kor's toys.

She was attacked by a bad allery before CNY. Her whole body was itchy till she has to take "steroid" pills. Poor girl, luckily daddy found a way to feed her the super bitter steroid - medicine in ice-cream.

Now, mommy is getting frustrated with her 3 bad habits this month:
1. Scared..scared...she was frighten by clown on the first day of CNY and since then, she has been telling me "I scared..I scared.." out of a sudden. And it was not easy to calm her down.

2. Itchy..itchy... - since the allergy episodes, she has been complaining itchy here and there..and she get very frustrated with that till she will scractched and cry.

3. Milk milk..then spit it out - She will ask for milk if she sees the milk bottle of milk basket..even it is not his milk time. But after you make the milk for her, she will suck but spit it out later. Bottles and bottles of milk went down the drain..

She is really testing my patience nowadays. Her mood is worse than the weather..it changes every seconds. She can be a happy and cheerful girl this minute and whine and cry and demanding the next minute..no one can predict her emotion.

This month passes so fast with busyness and joyful moments. Next month will be busier for me because I have some "serious business" work to complete before my helper leave in April. So next month will be "office month".

Hope everyone has a good start this year...

Can you really love your children equally?

2012-01-30T22:55:00.002+08:00

I really wanted to know..can we really love our children equally?

Honestly, up to today, I still feel that I love Darren more. Well, not that I don't love Isabel, just that if we really measure the love, I feel that I have more love to Darren than Isabel.

Well, maybe because I spent more time with Darren (3.5 years of undivided attention + 2 years of shared attention) as compared to Isabel (2 years of shared attention).

Maybe Darren gives me less headache as compared to Isabel.

Maybe Darren is bigger and more understanding while Isabel is at her terrible two stage.

Maybe Darren shows more of his loving caring side while Isabel displays more of her stubborn and demanding side.

Anyway, I can feel my love towards Isabel is growing too as she is growing cuter and cuter each day.

I just hope that one day I can love both of my children equally.

Am I "overdoing" it?

2012-01-12T08:47:00.002+08:00

It has been a long and busy days for me since I have started the new routine and with Isabel switching to 1 nap (refer to my previous post). I thought I stop yoga for this month and it will give me more time to complete my task but it didn't seems like it. In fact, with me staying at home in the morning, I have free up my helper's time to do her spring cleaning work and I take care of the kids FULL TIME. So, left my own work UNDONE. Sigh ... and double sigh.... I always think that my helper's life is better than my life..(anyway, that was another story)...

So, back to the title above..

Besides the above reason, what causes me to be so so so busy?

See, I am sending Darren to kindy but I still insist that he does his daily min 1 hour learning time with me. He has to complete 2 pages of English, RIght brain worksheet, mathes and 1 page of Chinese writting everyday. Besides that, I am exposing him to Geography and Science every Monday and Wednesday. This require some preparation. So, my whole afteroon "supposedly free time" (when Isabel was napping for 2 hours) has spent with Darren for his learning time. Thus, I left with no free time to myself.

As for Isabel, since I have stopped her tweedle wink class. I told myself I can teach her at home. But, her lessons required MORE preparation time. I already lack of my own free time, I can't even free up any other of my time to do the preparation for her. Hence, I have not been starting her learning corner this month. THis preparation work is bugging me and always sit in my mind but I just couldn't find the time to do it. I really feel like "simplifying" the whole learning corner and make it less preparation work for me but what purpose does that serve? It does not serve my initial intention of teaching what I want to teach her at home.

I am really tied up with all these learning thing. I still have my own "decluttering" and "organisation" work to do.

So, I am thinking...

1. With Darren attending kindy, do I still need to allocate his 1 hour learning time with me?

2. Isabel is just 22 months old, do I need to spend so much time, preparing so much materials for her to learn? She can learn through play.

If I can really drop this 2 activities, it can really free up 50% of my time. But again, my job of staying at home is to educcate the child, not only taking care of their daily needs.

Sigh again..what do you think? Am i overambitious and overdoing with the learning thing? Or I should just relax and let the children enjoy themselves without any "formal" learning at home?

Do you do that with your kids?

Long day...

2012-01-10T23:13:00.003+08:00

Since school reopened and Isabel switched to 1 nap a day, my day seems to be very long and tiring.

I started my day before 8 and by the time the children went to bed at 10.30pm (Darren @ 10pm but Isabel @ 10.30pm), I was already dead tired and have no energy for anything. I can only do some blog hopping and surfing until 12am, then I will sleep like a dead log. I wake up the next day still feeling tired and sleepy.

I have no chance to take nap or forty winks during the day as I am so busy mending the children. I don't even have time to do the "spring cleaning" job that I am supposed to do. I need to steal some time here and there to finish up my NY resolutions and planning for the children. I have yet to find time to set up the new theme for Isabel's learning corner.

Just so much to do but so little time. Many don't understand why I have a helper, yet I am so busy. I just know that taking care of the kids (especially Isabel) took out almost 80% of my time. How I wish she can grow up faster and be more independent.

Ok ok..it's 11.20pm and I better stop here..

New year resolutions

2012-01-10T22:52:00.002+08:00

Yes, I started my new year resolutions 1 week later. I was too busy during the year end and beginning of the year till I never thought of any New Year resolutions. I didn't intend to start one, since I find it hard to stick to it, so no point wasting time to create one.

Also, I was not in my uplifting mood during the year end. I was not looking forward to the new year because of the anticipation of my helper leaving. I was not positive, I was not prepared and I was not looking forward to it. In fact, I hope this day will never come. So, I was totally not in the mood of setting any NY resolutions.

Until the new year came and I saw so many people posting their NY resolutions. With all the festive celebration, my mood slowly started to change. When the new year arrived, I told myself I need to stay upnbeat. Or else, my life will be meaningless. So, I spent some time alone and started to think of what I need to change in this year.

Finally my mind started to work, think and plan. After listing down everything, my mind is more settled and I am more ready for challenges. So, if you asked me, my this year New Year resolution will be

POSITIVE, PERSISTENCY AND CONSISTENCY

First of all, I think I need to be more positive in viewing my life. I tend to fall into depression and think negative easily. So, I must stay positive, then only I will live happily.

My job is to manage the household and children. So, if my children behave well, my life will be easier. So, I need to train my children up. I need the persistency and consistency to carry out the plan. Or else, everything will fall apart.

I also set separate NY resolutions for the children. What I want in them..

Darren
------------
1. To love books and reading.
2. To be more independent.

Isabel
----------
1. Potty trained
2. Play Independently
3. Learn to share and play nicely with Darren.

I am not setting too many here as I know it will be hard to stick to it. I just start with 2 and I really hope I can achieve it this year. Focusing is anothing thing. I need to focus on what I set and make sure I achieve them.

December 2011 - Busy busy...

2011-12-31T23:55:00.001+08:00

December came and gone so fast. I tried to do as much as I can but yet, I don't think I've accomplished much before the year end. It has come to end of 2011 and it means school holiday is over soon. See what we have done in the last month of 2011..

I spent the first 2 weeks of December preparing the learning materials (Transportation theme) for Isabel and conducting the daily lesson for her.

We wanted to bring the kids to the Shah Alam wet world on the first Sunday of December but it was too crowded. So we ended up in Pusat Akuatic Shah Alam. It was Isabel's first time to a swimming pool and I bought her a swimming suit last minute at the sports shop there. It was fun..

Hubby decided to bring us back to Melaka on the 2nd weekend. We went back on Satuday and back on Monday (replacment PH on monday). The weather was so cooling and windy in Melaka. Hub brought us to beach on Sunday evening and Darren had a good time there. However, Isabel refused to touch the sandy beach this time. So poor daddy has to carry the baby throughout the time.

We also had very very good durian that night. Aunty Judy also came down all the way to Melaka from JB, all because of Darren's sincere invitation (without us knowing). She drove all the way down with Aunty Ana.

16 Dec was hub's company dinner at Westin Hotel. Hub purposely called mil to come down and help babysit the children while we can go for a night out. I bought a whole new set of clothing, get my hair trimmed, simple makeup done by my beautician and we off to Pavilion around 5pm to get some company gift. We then proceeded to Westin for our company dinner. Then, we adjourned to Pavilion again for drinking session. An unhappy incident happened that night (hub forgotten about me - I was at the loo and he left me in the hotel while he adjourned to the Pavilion after the dinner with his office people) and I was absolutely pissed off and disappointed that night. Anyway, after the drinking session, we went for a movie - Mission Impossible at 12am midnight, together with some colleagues. We reached home that night around 4.30am after sending some colleagues back home.

17- 18 Dec - 1st sis came down to KL, brought along my parents. Parents stayed at 4 sis place while 1st sis stayed at her bil's house because my in laws were staying with us. I spent the Sunday with my parents at 4 sis house. At night, hub brought my inlaws and us to Sheraton Imperiar, KL for buffet dinner. Also a christmas dinner for my helper, since we have the group discount voucher from the Starwood membership.

20 Dec - Tuesday. I promised Darren to bring him out to my best friend's house to play with her children. So, after yoga, we prepared and left to Ikano first, then to her house and later met up with hub and had dinner at 1U.

22 Dec - our 11th marriage registration anniversary. Hub was down with flu few days before, so he slept in other room. At 12am, he came in and wished me Happy Anniversary and I was already in my dreamland..and yes.. I totally forgotten about the day. He then left a present for me at the study table outside the next morning and he actually took a day off that day to spend a day with us. He bought me a "Coach bag" as a present and also to apologise for "leaving me behind" on that night. Well, looking at the present, I guess I can forgive him then..hahaha..

So, we went to The Gardens that day. The kids has fun at the "e-kids world" and I bought all the christmas present needed on that day. At night, we went to Desa Park City to meet up with all the uncles for dinner as this day was the "Winter Solstice Festival" (冬至). We all reached home tired but happy.

24 Dec - I organised a small Christmas eve party and invited my best friend, SL, over for dinner. I cooked fresh mushroom soup, roast a chicken, salad, spaghetti, ordered Domino pizza. I was happy as the food turned out quite well. (Thank God)..It was a small but nice gathering.

25 Dec - We sent my helper to KLCC to meet up with her sister. We also spent our day there. It was tiring as the shopping mall was full of people and we have nothing to buy. So, we just walked aimlessly to pass time. We reached there around 12pm and she wanted to have dinner with her sister, so we met back at 7.30pm. I spent most of the time at Mothercare and letting Isabel play at the toys section while hubby brought Darren to see some electronic stuff. I did manage to grab a good deal on the "Happyland ready to play village set" at a very good price - RM119, original price RM419 and the promotion leaflet stated at RM199. Anyway, I love it very much as the cottage looked so colourful and make me feel so "happy" when I looked at it. I just fall in love with "Happyland" series of toys. We all reached home super tired.

26 Dec - In laws were down again and hub and I sneaked out for a 2 hour massage session at herbaline in the evening. It was a relaxing one and I slept so well that night. :)

27 Dec - 29 Dec - 1st sis came down and stayed at our place. 2nd sis stayed at 4th sis place. However, I did not join them for any outing as Isabel was starting to have cough and cold. Darren joined them at Karaoke for the first day.

31 Dec - We stayed at home but having a new year eve dinner at Cyberjaya, middle east food (Saba restaurant) with May and family. The dinner was good and we reached home 11pm and everyone sleep early that night.

It was a really busy month as there were so many people coming down to visit us and our guest room was almost occupied most of the weekends. There were also so many activities and celebrations going on. What a happening month for us...

As for Darren, he is also very busy this month..busy entertaining guests. He is the happiest person when there are visitors around. Nowadays, he does things and make decisions on his own. 2 good examples.

Example 1: He self invite his lau yi to Melaka when we were going to Melaka on the 2nd week of December. He called lau yi that early morning and invited her down to Melaka. We didn't know about it until lau yi called us and said she decided to go down. She wanted to take a bus earlier but later decided to drive down with another aunty..just because of Darren. What a surprise. He also called his grandma and asked his grandma to cook for him...

Example 2: He sent out a sms christmas celebration invitation from my hp to a number of people that he knows to invite them to our house on the 24 and 25 december. Almost everyone thought I was the one who sent out the sms. Oh my...luckily no-one turn up at my doorstep and I have to quickly clarify the invitation by sms those people.

He is too "friendly"..

He is starting to be very independent too. He followed my sister out a few times and never look for us. He even wanted to follow his grandparents back to Melaka but daddy didn't allow. While he was in Melaka, he was so busy spending time with his grandparents and lau yi and did not bother us at all. He followed my inlaws out shopping and he totally forgotten about us.

He is also a very passionate boy. After we left Melaka, he missed his grandparents so much until he was crying so pityful, telling me how much he missed them. Even my mil felt so heartache hearing him cry and "demanded" my in laws to come down to KL. He really missed them so much. He would tell me he cannot sleep at night because he was thinking of them. So "romantic"..He also cried after my sister left KL. He will just cry and tell me how much he miss those people. Even I get affected by his mood..I think he inherited this part of genes from me...

Oh...we skipped doing his eye patching this month as we were so occupied and we totally forgotten about it. He was slack in doing his holiday homework too. He has totally stopped doing his homework after we came back from Melaka. But well, I enjoyed having him with me all the time, no need to send him here and there.

We also make Jelly together, play with some clay, play shopping, play with the sandbox, make his christmas presents (drawing on the t-shirt) for his grandparents this month and busy playing ipad too.

As for Isabel, she started eating rice and adult food this month.

She also skipped one of her naps on some days and manage with only 1 nap a day. She knows how to laze around on the big bed and refuse to go to her playpen at night by not allowing us to wear the sleeping bag for her. She is definitely more cheeky.

She is more approachable and not afraid of people nowadays. She will call and play with strangers but still no one can carry her, except us. She is very playful and when she sees the things inside the "e-kids world", she was so excited and wriggle to go in. When we pull her back, she was screaming and crying. She enjoyed so much playing there.

She is still very timid (whether pretend or real..i don't know)..every music I played on the CD player, she will say "scared"..sigh...until I stopped playing music for her during her nap nowadays.

She started to be more demanding when we go out. She will request to "walk walk" and will lead us to where she wants to go. It is hard to get her to leave a place if she doesn't want to. She will scream her lungs out. Very demanding child. SHe likes to sit on the high chair when we go out to eat.

She loves raisins and nowadays cranberries. She still love oranges. But she started to develop cough and cold at the end of December and have yet recover. Hope she will recover soon.

Oh yeah..I have cut her fringe. Her fringe was so long till it always blocked her eye sight and after some thought (daddy didn't allow to cut), I decided to cut it shorter. Now, it is much better. Even if I don't tie her hair, her hair will not block her eye-sight or touches her eyes. Maybe I will attempt to cut her back shorter too..maybe after her birthday...hehee..she looks extremely cute and pretty when she ties her hair.

We decided to stop her Tweedle Wink because I feel that I can give her the same lessons at home too. Of course, not all I can do but I also realised not all she has interest in. Also due to the coming busy month ahead, I decided to stop.

Overall, she is still very sticky to me and wanted me to carry her everytime she sees me.

So, 2011 is over and we welcome 2012. I pray hard and hope that 2012 will be a much better year for all of us..though honestly I wasn't very positive about the new year..because my helper is leaving in early April. I am not ready to handle everything on my own and I have this biggest fear in me that I may not able to handle the kids 24/7 all on my own without any help. I am trying to be positive but I don't really looking forward to that day. That's explained I wasn't too excited over the new year and in fact, I hope this day will not come..

I know there is a BIG challenge waiting ahead of me and I need to conquer it with faith and bravery. I am still searching for the light and hopefully I could it soon...

The first few months of next year will be extremely busy months for us as we will be doing some major renovation at the porch, doing year end closing accounts and audits and also preparing myself and kids to live without the maid. Also, Isabel will be changing her routine and doing with 1 afternoon nap. I really need the strength to go through all these. By the way, I am stopping yoga from January as I will be very busy starting next year.

November 2011

2011-12-01T23:30:00.002+08:00

A quick update for November..

I started my first week of November with so much excitement. 2 main things - planning for hub's surprise party and making my first "diaper cake" for hub's niece fullmoon party. It was a hectic week with a lot of running around - sourcing for items and also hard planning for the surprise party. All turned out very well, better than what I was expected...hub was appreciative of my effort and I love my first DIY diaper cake. I was so much addicted in it and wanted to make MORE...

Nothing much happened on the 2nd week of November except that I had a day out with hubby and Darren on Monday (public holiday) to Pavillion and watched a movie. In laws were kind enough to babysit Isabel at home. I had a great time out and bought some clothes too. That week I tried to capture more of Isabel's routine and recorded down her detailed 20 months milestone. (mommy is feeling guilty here for not recording her monthly milestone). I attended Darren's Parent Teacher Day on that weekend too.

3rd week came and it marked the end of the school for this year. Darren was so excited that he thought he could go to Ipoh and stayed for the entire school holiday and only be back in January. He only ended with disappointment when I told him that no one is free to send him to Ipoh and only get to go back the following week. We also sent the kids to Hospital Tun Hussein Onn to see the Orthoptist on Tuesday. Good news was both the kids eyes were aligned and they are using both eyes to see. On that Saturday, we attended a talk in Tweedle Wink and there and then we signed her in for the last term.

The 4th week marked the first week Isabel attended her Tweedle Wink class. I was excited and motivated. It also mark the first week I started "learning corner" for Isabel and tried to teach her 1 hour a day at the designated "learning corner" in the guest room. We started with the "fruit" theme and she learnt some new fruits name like Kiwi during the lesson. I was busy setting up (completing) the learning corner too. Towards the end of the week, my sister from Singapore came down to KL and we had a shopping day in Mid valley on Friday. Isabel was so wild till she couldn't control herself in the car. On Saturday, Darren and I went back to Ipoh for a day trip following my sister's car and we had a good time catching up with everyone. I also managed to get some toys for the kids too. On Sunday, we went to Kids.net in Endah Parade to get more educational stuff for the the learning corner and went to Pavillion for some shopping.

I ended the last week of November with food poisoning and 1 ulser in my mouth (yes, the ulser is irritating). I thrown out 5 times from 10pm till 2am on Tuesday night and I was sure there were nothing much left in my stomach. I was still suffer from the discomfort the next day and now slowly feeling better.

I started my yoga again this month and attended 14 lessons. It was not easy to start all over again after one month break. The lessons were more intense this month and I could feel all my body was aching after the class.

This month I focus a lot on Isabel's learning issues. I was amazed with her learning ability and wanted to make use of this golden opportunity to teach her more things. Hence, I was busy creating materials for her and thinking of her lesson plan. There were a few WIP planning work for Darren and Isabel lying on my desktop waiting to be completed. I procastinated a bit on this issue. Really need to work on it as we are reaching a new year soon.

As for Darren..

He was getting a bit "bad tempered" and "hard to control" when the school holiday started. I didn't know what caused that but it sure gave me some hard time during the first week of school holiday. We sent him for a holiday program - Speech and Drama class in Cambridge immediately once the school holiday started. He is enjoying it very much. He had some running nose and later developed into cough when the school holiday started but I gave him Ventolin + Mucalator for 5 days and he has recovered from it.

He has not been eating very well too. He couldn't finish his meal most of the time, especially dinner. It takes him more than an hour to finish his meal. When I threatened him no food for the day, he will get angry and scream and throw his tantrum towards us. Hard..hard to control him nowadays...

I bought a Math workbook for him for his holiday homework but he has not been doing it "accordingly". Need to push him harder on that. Partly due to lack of "routine". Need to set a routine for him.

Isabel..my dear girl..

She has been demonstrated her "intellegence" to us more in this month. She is learning very very fast..With the iPad 2 that hubby bought lately, she has been learning so much from it. She knows her A-Z, animals, body parts and can even play puzzles. She can navigate the iPad very well, choosing her children videos from youtube. I need to control her usage of iPad. I have been very careful with her exposure now as she is absorbing everything around her.

As mentioned, I have started a learning corner for her in the guest room, 1 hr a day..will update in her blog soon. We also started her on Twiddle Wink. SHe surprises us with new thing almost everyday..especially from her speech.

Her hair has grown so long and she get so sweaty nowadays. Hubby doesn't allow me to cut her hair as she looks so cute and pretty in her pony tail. She gets her first "tricycle" from Toys r us this month from her daddy. She is still very timid, comes to loud sound.

She has been very sticky to me. Whenever she sees me, she will ask me to carry her and point here and there. Sometimes I really don't know what she wants and she does irritates me by whinning so much. Well, I do feel bad for not spending so much time for her as I was busy with so many other chores and things to do.

Overall, I still feel very busy this month..i think every month is a busy month for me. Hahaha...I can imagine next few months will be even busier..with all the festive seasons coming and new year to prepare...Oh no..I still have another 4 months of Me time before my maid leaving in April...I will then be a "wong min poh" and 24/7 sole caretaker for my 2 children. I really not dare to think of it..better enjoy while I can now...

Oh yeah...I forget to mention that we set up our Christmas tree on the 4th week of November...

Time analysis

2011-11-23T00:17:00.002+08:00

I did some analysis the other day. I always complained I don't have enough time to do this and that and I really feel that 24 hours is really not enough for me. Although I have only 2 kids and a helper at home, I still feel I am very busy and no time for myself at all.

So, I wanted to know how I actually spend my day. I wrote them my daily routine and finally I came out with this analysis..

14 hours waketime (start from 8am and end at 10pm during weekday), I spend approx..
- 5.5 hrs on myself
- 2 hrs one to one time with Isabel
- 3 hrs one to one time Darren
- 3.5 hrs on both Darren and Isabel together

Ok..5.5 hrs on myself seems a lot of time compared to others..but let's see..out of the 5.5 hours.. I spend approx..
- 1 hour yoga (3 times on weekday)
- 1.5 hour on the road (fetching Darren to and fro from school, after school activities, marketing, to and fro from yoga centres)
- 1 hour on meals (30 mins for lunch, 30 mins for dinner..breakfast eat while taking care of Isabel)
- 1 hour meeting basic needs (shower twice a day, do big and small businesses)
- 1 hour meeting children needs (shower Isabel and Darren, feed Isabel)

So, at the end of the day, I have no time left for myself..I can only do my own things after 10pm, provided the kids are all asleep early..

I spend about 1 hr or 2 at night for myself and I need to sleep already because I also need at least 8 hours of sleep a day. Or else, I will feel very tired the next morning. But actually, even I have 8 hours sleep a day now, I still feel tired..dont know why..sigh..maybe I need more..more sleep...

Also, what I can I do with the 2 hours..I have so much to do but so little time..2 hours is really not enough for me...

So, for the kids...though I am spending 8 hrs with them, I still feel I am not spending quality time with them..I really need to work on this.

My plan:
As for Isabel, it is easy. I am going to spend 1 hour on structured play and 1 hour on learning time with her..I think 2 hours of uninterrupted and focus play with her should be good.

Darren...emms..though I have 3hrs with him..1 hr taken out for outdoor play..another 2 hrs are separated into pieces here and there. I can hardly spend quality time with him. He needs his play time too..I can't take away all his time..need to work on it also..maybe 1 hour of focus time with him should be enough....

As for the remaining 3.5 hours, sigh..when I have to be with them "together", it is more for "controlling" them. Nothing much can be done during this hours and I just need to monitor and "jaga" them.

So...if I want to do something for myself during the day, some of the above hours have to be sacrificed.. Sigh..it is really not easy being a SAHM...

With this time analysis, I can see how I spend my day in a clearer picture. It helps me for better time management and I can proudly show to hubby and tells him.."see...you really think I am so easy and free at home huh?" Hahahaa..

So, how do you spend your day?

My first DIY Diaper Cake

2011-11-08T18:27:00.004+08:00

It was hub's niece fullmoon party last Sunday. I decided to make her a diaper cake. I watched the tutorial from you tube and find it not difficult to do at all. I started sourcing the items from a few baby shops around my area and get myself so excited over it.

I decided to wrap it up because I don't want the diaper to get dirty or dusty. I have so many ideas in my mind now that I feel like doing more and more...but well, we don't have any full moon party to attend now..I get so addicted in making the diaper cake.

When I have to give it away on Sunday, I find it so hard to part with the diaper cake. I just fell in love with my own diaper cake...hahahaha....

The cake contains
- 24 pcs of M Size Huggies diaper
- 1 Tolo Educational Soft Toy
- 2 Lamaze Wrist Rattle
- 1 Carter's bib
- 2 pair of socks
- 2 head band
- 1 spoon
- 4 hair clips
- 4 hair band - Size S
- 1 hair band - Size L
- 1 magic wand

Lethargic, tiring and lazy October 2011

2011-10-31T07:44:00.003+08:00

So fast it has come to the end of October. I have missed my Sept update as the whole family were down one by one except hubby during the month end and beginning of Oct. It was the worse 2 weeks we had in the year, in term of sickness.

It took me longer to recover and I was the one suffering most during the first week of Oct. Darren was recovering after about a week, Isabel recovered within 3 days and myself took about a week..Sigh..probably also due to the antibiotic that didn't suit me makes me feel worse and my cough was bad...took very long to recover..

Anyway, I've stopped yoga this month as the first half of the month was "recuperating" time and gaining back the energy after the fight. Planned to start back second half of the month but we went to Singapore and another week gone. Not to waste money, I might as well stopped the whole month and start again in Nov. Honestly, I am feeling a bit lazy again to start back the routine. I have to force myself to wake up earlier and leave Isabel behind. I really do enjoy the waking up moment with Isabel and spend my 1 hr with her in the room. I will have to miss that 3-4 times a week if I go yoga...:(

Also, I have been feeling rather lethargic, lazy, tired and aimless this month. I am constantly feeling sleepy all day long and I can really doze off to dreamland the minute I land on my bed. I don't know if this due to the post-sickness syndrom (but shouldn't take so long, right?) or what...but I have problem concentrating and moving my butt around to do some productive work. I have been sleeping early but still wake up feeling sleepy, tired and no energy. I hate this kind of feelings...I really don't know what's wrong with my body..

We went for our 2nd Singapore trip as a family of 4 during the 3rd week of Oct. It was a fun and enjoyable trip. I was glad I made the decision to go and change my mindset of Isabel after this trip.

Hubby and I have been discussing about the children's education after we came back from Singapore. I also took the opportunity to discuss about the home environment that affects the children and the home teaching for the children. I also brought up about no tv for 1 hr at night and requested hubby to bond with the kids more. Let's see how it goes...

I also went to the BBW warehouse sales on the 2nd week of Oct and bought lots of books and I have finished 2 of them. THen we also went to Logos Hope during the 4the week of Oct (Oct has 5 weekends this year) and I bought another 2 books. I have finished 1. So, in total I have finished 3 books in a month. What a record breaking. Maybe this caused the laziness in me that I did not maange to do much except reading and reading everyday..of course taking care of the kids too...

We also bought 4 DVDs last night and I can't wait to watch..mostly "horror" movies that I like. Oh...I need to schedule my time nicely, so that I can fit it reading, watching DVDs, children and family time well into my life. Busy..busy...why can't we have 48 hrs a day instead?????

Ok...Darren...well, he has not been behaving too well this month after the Singapore trip. We find him keet giving us some challenging time by rebel to our command and trying to be cheeky and hence become naughty. I have also noticed some of his weakness in terms of studies like his maths addition needed to be improved. I also never realised that he has been having "ting sie" for half a year because I didn't see any "Ting sie" work in his bag. I confronted the school this month to understand more about their math teaching method and only found out about the "ting sie". I really need to work on this boy on his studies soon.

Since he was sick, he has lost a lot weight. Have been asking him to eat a lot but lately (this few days) he has been coming out excuses for not eating. He would tell me he has stomach ache, make the gagging sound (looked like want to vomit) and last night told us he was tired and didn't want to eat. Prior to this, though he is eating slow but he finished his meal MOST of the time.

He is also getting lazier and not paying attention to the instructions we gave. Well, I have been discussing his weakness with hubby and hub said that I shouldn't only think of his weakness but his positive too. Well, I know he is overall not a "too bad" boy but I just want him to be better. So, I am focusing on his weakness, so that I can improve on it. Yes, I need to cultivate his reading habits too. That's important.

Ok...his positive notes..his Chinese and cantonese are improving. He can speak Mandarin to the elderly and more willing to talk to mom in Mandarin now. He has finished his D card in Bau Bei this month. He can be an angel sometimes that he is very caring and thoughtful.

Isabel..my darling girl..my princess..she has grown up so much lately. Her speech has improved "tremendously" this 2 months. She started saying 2 syllabus words like "Hello", "take out". She has been calling "mommy" so often in her super sweet voice. My heart just melt every time she calls me. SHe is good in imitating us. Hence, she is learning faster in her speech. Whatever sound/words I said, she can imitate in her clear voice and I am amazed with her ability to pronounce clearly.

She is very good in handling puzzles. She can match ALL the wooden puzzles she has and I can see that she loves playing puzzles. She has longer attention span compared to Darren at that age. So, she can concentrate in playing her toys, if no disturbance.

She is sleeping better also this month. She has totally stopped midnight feed and only wake up around 7.15am for a feed, the sleep until 8.30am. She can understand if we place her on the bed. It is not too hard to put her to sleep nowadays if we follow her routine. She must have her soft toys in bed with her when she sleeps, it can be either her minnie, doll doll or pooh bear or bear bear.

She can understand us very well nowadays. She is no longer a baby but a growing little girl. I find her maturing very fast compare to Darren at this age. She still hates her porridge and wants her fish in every single meal. I tried giving her "not blended" porridge but she refuse to eat. Even "rice like" meal also she didn;t like. This girl is extremely fussy in her food. She is able to sit better in high chair nowadays when we dine out. We just need to give her some junk to eat or some utensils to play around, she can then sit still throughout the whole meal.

She is more socialable nowadays too. Though still weary about strangers but is getting better. She is more familiar with her grandparents and willing to play/kiss/hug them. She can even call grandpa and grandma. I feel that she is especially like Indians/darker skin people. She will call them uncle, aunty when she sees them and appear more friendly with them. Funny...maybe our neighbour is Indian and my helper is Indon, so she is used to seeing them...

SHe likes to draw lately and requested to draw on Darren easel. She is also slolwy learning to draw on iPad. She is another one who obsessed with iPad besides Darren. Hubby has downloaded quite a number of games for her like flashcards to learn in iPad and she is willing to imitate what she hears. She knows her number 1-10 too, maybe except 8. She is learning her alphabets too. She is definitely a fast learner and I think she is smart. We are considering to send her to Schichida soon but I am still thinking it is a bit too expensive.

Overall, this month I have a lot of things running in my mind and I wanted to do it but somehow just couldn't get it done. I hope I can gain back the momentum soon and get moving. Please don't let me feel so sleepy anymore...and I am already feeling sleepy now...{yawn}..

My sweet Darling..

2011-10-28T11:18:00.000+08:00

On Deepavali day, we went to MV for shopping. He said a few things that make me feel so sweet of him...

While walking, he suddenly turned around and told me, "Come, I buy you a handbag. I think you need a new handbag."

While I couldn't decide which bag to buy, I asked his opinion. He replied me, "Both also nice. It serves different occasion. If you like them, just buy both la."

While I want to look around at the clothing department, he told me, "You go and see la, I'll take care of the kids.."

We had RM40 voucher and I had to use it the same day. I was looking around and couldn't find anything to buy and the day is getting late. The kids need to eat dinner and I was in a hurry and asked hubby does he need anything and he told me in a calm voice, "Never mind. We go and have dinner first. We can come back later and you can shop again."

Anyway, at the end, I bought 2 handbags - one from hubby and another one from voucher.

Thank you darling for being so patient and thoughtful to me on this day. I love you!

My loots from BBW warehouse sales

2011-10-26T16:02:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah...I've forgotten to tell you that I also made it to Big Bad Wolf warehouse sales. I seriously thought I won't be able to make it, so I actually asked my sister to get some books for me (She went there a total of 4 times). She bought a lot of children books for Darren and Isabel. I also asked her to get me the "for one more day" and "The power" for myself.

Next day, she called me again and asked me do I want to go there, just for a short while. After seeking hub's permission to leave Isabel at home with my helper for a couple of hours, I immediately arranged my aunty to help me take care of Darren after his school. Since her granddaughter is studying the same school as Darren, DArren just need to follow them home and had his lunch there. He is more than happy to be there, together with his cousin. I already reminded him to behave well while he is there and as promised, he behaved extremely well there. He ate himself, didn't drop a single food on the table. After lunch, he brought the bowl back to the kitchen and help to wipe the table. He didn't run or jump around. My aunty praised him so much that day. I was defintely proud of him.

Back to the BBW sales, my sister's driver sent us there. I just hurriedly browse through the books and bought a few more for the children and myself. I have no time for others.

It was definitely a good buy as it was so cheap. I saw some books at Logos Hope and they were selling like 4 times more expensive than in the sales.

I spent a total of RM350 for 50 books. Good deal??? And I have finished 2 books...

Yes, we made it to Singapore

2011-10-24T13:40:00.003+08:00

Thanks to Elaine and my sister for "waking" me up from my worries and negative thoughts of Isabel.

We finally made it to Singapore and back safely and soundly. In fact, the kids were super happy and I was half reluctantly to come back to our boring routine life here.

It was a short 3D2N trip to Singapore and hubby was having most of his business meetings arranged in the shopping centres (yes..yes..SHOPPING centres...) and I was super satisfied with the arrangement (except one that we had to tag all the kids to the office and they were having a "great" time running around the office coridors, falling and screaming and dancing throughout the few hours there). It was great..really great...

Just that I didn;t have much time for my sister and we only get to catch up middle of the night. The trip was tired... but it was fun and joy.

The journey was good and bad. Good that the kids weren't giving much problem, slept through most of the journey; bad was the weather. It was raining cats and dogs both ways to and fro from Singapore. It was extra tiring for hubby.

Thank God that Isabel didn't fuss when we dropped by my in law's place in Melaka, hubby's aunt's place at JB and my sister's place. In fact, she was having a good time exploring the place. She slept well too at my sister's place at night, on the journey and on the stroller while we were out. She was such an angel, just that it was tiring to chase her around. She was happy and active.

Darren defintely enjoying himself with all the people he met, be it relatives or hub's business partners. He was well behaved and well mannered by calling people and greeting people nicely. The only problem he gave was he hijacked mei mei's stroller most of the time. Luckily I have the sling and it wasn't too bad carrying Isabel in the sling.

The worse was the last day when we have to leave Singapore at 5.30pm. It was the peak hour and the traffic was heavy. The GPS guided us to the wrong way (we chose Tuas and it guided us to Woodland instead). It was raining super heavily too and the kids were not sleepy and making lots of noise. I was half heartedly wanted to detour back to my sister's place and take a break until the rain stop or the traffic getting lesser. But hubby insisted the journey since we are already on the road.

We braved through the storm and finally reached Tuas at 7pm and made a few stops to settle the crying Isabel and pump the petrol. We stopped by Simpang Renggam at 8pm for dinner (it was a good dinner with super fresh fish and delicious dishes..what a new discovery of food at this place). Stopped again to clean Isabel's big business. Stopped again to change her pyjamas and finally both kids fell asleep at 9.30pm. What a relief after that...

We reached home around 12.30am and settled all kids..I dropped dead on the bed around 1.30am.

It was a great trip..

I'm in a dilemma

2011-10-13T23:53:00.002+08:00

Hub needs a favour from me to do something for him in Singapore. He scheduled it on next week. But my sister in Singapore has a training to attend from 9am to 9pm the whole of next week. She was hoping I can change my schedule. I can't for 2 reasons. Firstly, hub has made some business appointments and it is not nice to change it. Secondly, my helper's passport has less than 6 months validity by end of October. So I can't bring her along if it falls too near end of October. I need her to help me with the children in Singapore. I can't go earlier because I have RSVP Darren to my best friend's son birthday party this Saturday. It is not a normal birthday party that I can just fly aeroplane. It goes by headcount and she counted DArren in as well.

Of course I know I can't satisfy everybody and I should follow hub's schedule. Deep in my heart, I was a bit worried about Isabel too. She is such a fussy baby and even going to my aunt's place, she was crying all the time there. I'm afraid she will cry too when she enters my sister's house. I'm also worried she cannot sleep well in my sister's house since she is used to sleeping on her own in her own bed. I also worried she will cling on to me all the time...and...and...and....I know I have a lot to worry because she is just a difficult baby. I have phobia bringing her around, I have phobia taking care of her....

After hubby knowing my situation, he offered me to stay back and he can find a replacement to go. He doesn't want to stress me out. But as a wife, I feel I want to go and help too, though he claimed it is ok that if I don't feel like going.

So...it is just so hard for me to decide...go or not to go..

if go, I'm worried about Isabel and when to go..

go earlier, I have to miss the birthday party (which is bad coz I have promised her that Darren will be there); go as schedued, then my sister will have no time for me, not even dinner (she is definitely find it not the right time as she wants to spend time with us); go later, I will risk the maid's entry as her passport is nearing the 6 months validity....

if I don't go, I feel bad as a wife..

How???? I am having a big headache now...

I want to go to the Big Bad Wolf Warehouse sales..

2011-10-10T17:27:00.002+08:00

Sigh..it can be just a dream..coz ...who is going to take care of my children? I don't want to bring them there since they have just recovered from their sickness and I don't want to expose them to crowded place. Moreover, I will not have peace shopping with them around.

Seriously I wanted to go after so many good feedback from the sales..wide variety, especially children books, cheap and good. But the place is so far..if I go, it means it will be at least 3-4 hours.

I am sure hubby is not willing to stay back and take care of the kids. To him, I think he rather give me the money and ask me to buy from the nearest bookshop. That's my hubby.

So, being a full time mom is really not that good after all. Can't even escape for a while. Everywhere also need to tag them along. I wish there are someone can help me babysit my children while I go there...any volunteer?

Everyone get well soon, please...

2011-10-01T19:27:00.003+08:00

Tuesday, Darren started coughing.

Wednesday, Darren developed fever and went to see doctor. Virus infection. I quarantined him in the room. I took care of him full time while my helper care for Isable downstairs. Minimal contact with downstairs people.

Thursday, Darren's condition has yet improved. Same arrangement.

Friday, my helper fell sick. Coughing and sore throat and headache. Hubby stayed back to care of Darren upstairs. I care for Isabel downstairs while helper got to rest in her own room, without doing anything. Sent her to see doctor and is under antibiotic. I was rushing here and there, cook for both kids. Went to school and collected Darren's concert costume. Buy lunch and dinner for the adults. Darren is getting better towards the evening.

Saturday, I finally fell sick. Same symptoms as Darren and went to see doctor this afternoon. Coughing, developing phelgm, whole body aching, throat itchy and feel heaty (though no fever). I'm currently under antibiotic too.

Darren is recovering. He is now only couighing. He is back to his active self. Helper getting towards the afternoon. She claimed that she has recovered. That left hubby and Isabel who are the healthy ones. Hubby cough a little I can hear. Isabel did cough a bit yesterday but today I am not sure coz I did not take care of her much.

Since Darren is already active, he wants to go down. So, he is together with hubby and Isabel downstairs but he is still coughing. Helper though claimed she has recovered, but this is only her 2nd day. Has all the bad virus die already? She is helping up with Isable when hubby went out to buy lunch and dinner, bathing. While myself now is resting in the room. I am coughing badly.

My worry is Isabel and hubby. I hope Isabel will not get infected by Darren's cough or helper's virus. I also hope hubby will not get it from anyone of us since he has been having close contact with us.

I still want to quarantine Darren but not fair for him since he has already recovered. Hubby alone not easy to take care of 2 and he has problem making Isabel sleep and eat. I am leaving everything as it is as I have no energy and I am sick myself.

I can only pray...pray that Isabel and hubby won't get infected. I also pray that I can get well soon, so that I can go to Darren's concert tomorrow. I want to go. This is the first time my boy is dancing on the stage. We have been looking forward to this day. I must make it to go...

Please pray for us...pray for a healthy family...Thank you!!

About this woman..

2011-09-26T12:11:00.002+08:00

Well, today I kepoh a bit to tell you about this woman that I know who stays opposite my house..

Her family shifted to this neighbourhood about 2-3 years back but we never talk or smile or greet at each other because they kept everything to themselves.

I never have a chance to get close to them. Lately, I get to know that her husband had lung cancer and undergone some therapy. They are very young couple with young kids. I felt so sad and heartache for the woman as she has to rush to the hospital everyday and juggling the household. She has no maid and she is a full time SAHM. Not only that, the fear of losing the husband, the sole breadwinner and the father of the children..I can't imagine how she pull through the hard time. She must be a tough woman. Despite knowing she did not have good reputation with her meighbour, I pity her. I feel for her. Whenever I look at them, it brought back the memory of my brother-in-law, my sister losing her husband, my neice losing her father. I didn't want that to happen to this family. A very scary thought. I pray for them in silent almost everyday during that period.

Months passed by and one day I saw her in yoga. She didn't even realise I am her neighbour and we started talking. Since that day, only she noticed my presence. We didn't really talk much too until one evening.

It was a windy evening when I pushed Isabel for a walk. I met her outside her house and she started to strike a conversation. From this topic, she leads to another and later she revealed her family problem to me. She is having some problem with her husband and her marriage is at stake. She is looking for a job, so that she doesn't need to see her husband everyday and quarrels everyday.

That makes me thinking, aren't a couple supposed to be more united and loving after going through life and death? Aren't they supposed to appreaciate each other more? Again, I do not know but I know my sister went through the same thing. Taking care of a sick person is not easy and moreover if the sick one is a man, a breadwinner in the house. It may leads to lots of conflict in daily life. She asked some advise but I didn;t offer much as Isabel was making noise and wondering around. I couldn't focus.

But that night, I felt so sad again as my earlier questions kept coming back to me. I felt we should appreciate each other more as life is fragile and we never know what will happen to us the next minute, next second...We just love the one we love with our full heart and enjoy being with them every minute...again..said is easier than done..

Finally today I met her again...in a shop. She is working there temporarily, so that she can be away from the home for the time being. Well, I kind of respect her. For her to come back to work after more than 10 years are not easy. She is willing to take the change and it must be not easy for her. For her to take up this step, she must have considered a lot.

I feel so lucky that hubby and myself are still in love with each other. Though certain times I still question our love during our low period but in my heart, surely I know, he still loves me. I, for sure, know that he is one important man in my life, that I cannot live without. I must remember this woman, so to remind myself, to appreciate my hubby, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, I'll love him and honour him all the days of my life.

My last long weekend - Taman Botani SA, Science center and hi-tea with BFF..

2011-09-19T18:22:00.017+08:00

Yes..we finally made it to this two places during our last long weekend. We were supposed to go during the Raya Merdeka holiday, together with May's family but both places didn't open during the long holiday.

Taman Botani Shah Alam was an impromptu trip. Everyone surprisingly woke up extra early on Friday morning (Malaysia Day) and the weather was perfectly fine for an outdoor trip. So, I thought of Taman Botani Shah Alam. Checked the website and they opened for that day. So, I suggested to hubby and he agreed to the plan.

We then packed everything and changed everyone. Had our "kai si hor fun" breakfast and we arrived there around 10am. The ticket for adult is RM3 and FOC for children below 6.

We forget to bring stroller, so we have to carry Isabel. We took quite a long walk from the car park to the entrance. Good thing is, inside the taman, they provide free shutter safari bus to transport us around the taman. It was quite a lot of people on that day. We waited 3 rounds before our turn. The safari bus has big open windows. It was a nice ride as it is very windy and you don't feel hot at all. Even Isabel enjoyed her ride in the safari bus.

We toured the whole places first and finally decided to land on the "taman permainan" and the "Four season house". Unfortunately the four season is closed for renovation at that moment. The playground was a bit pathetic but the surrounding was very serene and natural. There were mosquitos around too. Luckily I brought the mosquito repellent and I applied all over their body. Thank God they did not get any mosquitoes bites.

Darren and Isabel had a great time at the playground. Isabel enjoyed her slides and Darren enjoyed climbing around. We did some walking around there. It was quite tiring as I was carrying Isabel and the weather is getting hotter and hotter.

We then walked out to the bus station. Surprisingly the toilet there maintained quite well and it was just after cleaning when I walked in. We then had some ice-cream at the bus station while waiting for the bus. It was very windy sitting at the bus station.

It was about 12pm when we finally board the bus. We were supposed to go to the mini zoo but the weather is getting hotter. Hubby suggested we come again next day as we didn't want to expose the kids to such hot sun. So, we left the place around noon.

We then collected our family photo as the studio and had nasi kandar lunch at Kota Damansara. We reached home around 3pm. At night, we went out to SS14 for Bak Kut Teh dinner and bought some DVD for the weekends. I had a good time watching "Unlimited" with hubby at night after Isabel slept around 10pm.

Then came Saturday. It was a planned trip to Science Centre. All of us woke up late on that morning. We packed everything and finally left the house around 11pm. Had Dim Sum as brunch near Atria and proceeded to Science Centre. The admission (including the Dinausior exhibit) is RM8 for adults and RM5 for children above 4.

It was a great place as we explore almost everything, except the outdoor. Isabel loves the fishes swimming around and we can see her excitement from her expression and smiles. She even wanted to touch the fishes but extended her hand. She really enjoyed herself. As for Darren, he has fun discovering buttons and electronics stuffs. Hubby was with Darren most of the time and I was carrying Isabel. Even we adult had fun exploring the places.

When we entered into the play area, we saw 2 gigantic dinausaur in the center. Their head moves and we can hear the "roaring" sound too. So happened I placed Isabel onto her stroller and she got a shock when she looked up and saw the dinausaur head. She started crying.

Darren then had some play there while I tried to make Isabel sleep. Darren was scared at the Dinausaur exhibit but I kept encouraging him to go near and told him there are not real. Darren had a good time "peddle" the jet plane.

We left the indoor around 4pm and wanted to go to the outdoor. But before we reached to the wet water area, we heard thunders and the sky was getting gloomy. It was quite a long walk from the indoor to the wet area. We didn't want to take the chance, so we walked back and decided to leave. The place closed at 5pm anyway. So we will still be back again the next time.

We then proceeded to Subang Parade while Isabel had a good walk around MPH and read some books inside too. At 7pm, we left Subang Parade and went to Empire Shopping Mall for our dinner. We had some western food at the Jaya Grocer. Did some grocery shopping, we then left the shopping centre at 9pm.

Isabel was extremely tired by then and after we reached home, bathed everyone and the kids were all asleep by 10pm. I had my own time watching Final Destination 4 from my notebook.

Sunday....my "holiday". I went for yoga in the morning, then met up with my bff in 1Utaman and had hi-tea at One World Hotel. We had a good time catching up with each other and I enjoyed the food too. We chatted from 12.30pm to 5.30pm...then I sent her home.

I reached home at 6.30pm and all the kids were still napping. I took a short nap, then went out for dinner. We had KFC for dinner but I just munched a bit here and there as I was still very full. It was a tiring day for me.

Overall, it was a fruitful weekend for me. I just enjoyed the weekend very much. How about you?

Neighbourhood friends

2011-09-13T11:37:00.002+08:00

I have been staying in this neighbourhood for more than 5 years. Since Darren was born, I have been staying at home but we did quite a lot of activities around the neighbourhood since then. Hence, I have been meeting quite a number of friends (mainly mommies) from

1) 2 different type of playgroups that Darren and I were attending
2) our regular evening playground
3) our frequent visit mini mart/pasar mini/shops/makan shops
4) my sister's (who stay nearby) friend
5) my neighbours
6) lately my yoga group of friends

Though we do not meet outside the "designated activities", but once we get together, we would catch up with each other and talk non-stop. Hubby once commented that I have more friends than him though I am only a SAHM. He always asked who is this lady, that lady, when I greet someone at some makan shop or around the neighbourhood.

Lately, I have been quite close to this 2 groups of friends - regular playground mommies and yoga friends.

I still remember during the long Raya Merdeka holiday, some mommies did inform us where are they going for the long holiday while I told them I am not going anywhere during that week. But we made some day trips here and there and we didn;t really go to the playground for that whole week. Monday came and when I saw the mommies at the playground, everyone asked with a loud and curious voice,

"Hey, where did you go last week? I though you did not go anywhere and we came here and could not find you."

I was like "Huh? Looking for me?" That moment, I felt lifted up. For the first time after a long long time, I felt WANTED by a group of friends.

Another incident, my yoga centre is organising a very grand lantern festival gathering on 2 Saturdays ago. It was started at 7pm and I was still playing with Darren at the porch at 6.30pm. A yoga friend who stayed near my place called me and asked whether I am going or not. I told her that I will go but a bit later.

Well, firstly I felt good too that someone actually called me to ask me whether I am going or not..well, I really never expected the call. Secondly, when I reached the place, it was full of people and basically no empty space to sit (I went with my family). While I was looking for a seat, I saw my yoga friends and surprisingly, they RESERVED half the table for my family and myself. It definitely felt great. They are just so thoughtful and I never expect them to reserve the table for me. They came and talked to me and hubby was shcoked with my "polularity" there. Honestly, I was shock myself as I never really spend a lot of time with them. I go to yoga in time and left immediate after the session ends. I don't chit chat there and we only talk while we walk together to the car or just a few minutes before the class starts.

Today, after the yoga session finished, I walked towards the exit and suddenly a lady waved at me. I looked at her and knew she was new to this class but she does not look familiar to me. But when I walked near her, she reacted like I am someone she knows and she did utter my name. I was like

"Err...sorry, I can't remember you and where did we meet before?"

She told me we met at the playground before but quite a long time, during the early stage of pregnancy with Isabel and surprisingly she can even remember Darren's name. I was amazed at her memory and honestly I could not even recognise her face. Gosh...I feel so embarassed with myself and ashame of my poor memory. She has not been to the park for a long time already. She even suggested that she can pick me up to the class every morning but I rejected the offer and said that I need to send my son to school first before going for the class. Such a coincindent that her son goes to the same school as Darren too.

Anyway, won't you feel good that someonce can actually remember you after such a long time?

I guess probably only SAHM like me who hardly go out and see people feels that way..hahaha....but I do think that having some friends who tresure your presence are important. DO you think so?

August 2011 - Isabel's challenging month

2011-08-31T11:37:00.000+08:00

It has been a relatively tough month for me as the kids have not been easy especially for Isabel.

The first week of August started off smoothly with me going for yoga classes 3 times a week. We also attended my twin niece and nieces 3 year old birthday party on the Saturday. My parents gave all of us a surprise visit by coming all the way down from Ipoh to attend the party. I was absolutely shock and surprise. On that Sunday, my sister and myself (leaving hubby and Isabel at home) brought them for a walk in Bukit Tinggi Jusco before sending them off to the bus station to board a bus back to Ipoh at 3.30pm. It was a happy weekend.

Then came the second week of August. Hubby collected Isabel's glasses and we tried them on for her. She was quite reluctant earlier but later has adjusted to it well. I sent Isabel for her penumococoa booster jab on Tuesday and she started developed her fever on Thursday night till Monday. It was a Rosealla virus infection. It was not an easy weekend as hub's aunty from JB came down and we have to entertain the guests and at the same time, attending to a sick baby. I was extremely depressed and stress during the weekend as Isabel was constantly having high fever despite after the medication. However, I was managed to attend 4 times of yoga on this week before Isabel has her fever.

Luckily her fever subsided on Monday and her rashes coming out the next day but she was feeling much better. Her sleeping habits even improved so much after she recovered but not for long. I was happy for a few days coz she has fully recovered and sleeping well at night. On that weekend, we brought the kids to KLCC on Saturday, so that Darren can go to the playground while Isabel and myself stayed back in the shopping centre. I don't want Isabel to expose to any more virus since she has just recovered.

On Sunday, we took our kids and family portrait in Kota Damansara. It was so much fun. I felt thankful for the kids for being so co-operative and they performed so well in the photo shooting sessions. Isabel performed extremely well as she enjoyed the session so much and her smiles were so natural. She is really a cutie pie though she is skinnier after her illness. I hope she can put on more weight soon.

It was not an easy week after that as Isabel was not sleeping well at night. She didn't want to be put into her playpen and insisted to sleep on the big bed. I was having problem training her back as she was cyring very badly. So much emotional and physical torture as I have been sleep deprived too during that week. Her bad sleeping habits lasted till today but has improved a bit as she knew I won't give in to her crying no matter how.

Came the last week of August..yeah.. a long Raya and Merdeka holiday. I was glad that hubby was off from work on Monday. We spent the holiday not going anywhere except to KLIA and beach on 30/8 and Bukit Tinggi, Pahang on 31/8. Darren actually has a flu started on the weekend before but luckily didn't turn worse. Unfortunately Isabel get infected. Guess she can't escape much since we are always in the car together during the holiday. Luckily her flu was not a bad one. So we decided to let the kids rest on Thursday onwards. They are still not fully recovered and pray that they get well soon.

Overall this month, I have been busy with the kids and establishing my yoga routine. I have attended a total of 14 yoga sessions in a month (my minimum target is 10 sessions a month). So far 2 people has mentioned to me that I have lost some weight but I seriously don't think so as my weight is still the same. Maybe I just looked more "toned up". Well, a good motivation for me to continue going more often. Also, I have stopped taking rice at night and only eat the dishes. But I still take my lunch as usual. Oh yeah...we bought an unit of Amway espring water system for the kitchen. So we can have cleaner water to drink without the need to boil the water.

This month, I have to handle the most stressful decision - "maid issue". Confirmed that my helper is not going to extend her contract after this. This is her 5th year with us. I am thankful to her that she is willing to help me up with this last year. However, a bad news...she wanted to go back holiday during christmas but she will have problem coming back in January as her passport has less than 6 months validity. So, looking at the situation, we might need to send her off earlier in December and she will go back for good. I also gave this issue a deep thought. I am more or less decided that I will try living without a maid after she left and see how I can cope without one. I am very reluctant to bring in another stranger to the house and don't feel secure leaving baby with her. If I have to take care bb all by myself, I might as well don't need one. Morever, the fees and salary for a maid now is not cheap. But I have to really think how to stay insane and organised with me handling the kids alone. I can't depend on hubby as he is always come home late and outstation very frequently. I have been having sleepless nights just by thinking of it..scary and worried at the same time but I took it as a challenge.

As for Darren, this is his first time this year having flu. I should be thankful that my kids fell ill the first time this year after 8 months. Consider very healthy and good already. Moreover, his flu is just a mild one. Just hope he recovers soon.

He has officially started his gymnastic lesson this month. He enjoyed it to bits and looking forward to every lesson. I can see that he is doing better now. Just that the travelling is driving me nuts though only one week once but the traffic was so terrible around that area around that time. Wanted to start him on swimming soon. Need to build up his strength.

As for Isabel, well, as mentioned..it was difficult. First started with training her to wear her glasses, then she fell sick with Rosealla virus. After she recovered, I have to start all over again to get her wear back her glasses. Then, she was not sleeping well at night and resulted to grumpy baby and mommy...sigh..and now she has a mild runny nose.

But after her illness, I feel that I love her more. I feel that she has grown up sp much suddenly. She understands instructions and understands us so well. She is much more independent. I can leave her in the room alone while I set up water in the bathroom. I am also establishing some structured and unstructured playtime for her this month. I have completed reading the "On becoming toddlerwise" book this month and learn some tips here and there.

Overall, it was quite a challenging month for me. I am hoping for a more fun filled and easy month. How about your August?

My first online sales..

2011-08-27T22:39:00.002+08:00

Yes..yes..I was surprised that I was able to sell one of the "unwanted" baby items online through mudah.com. This is my first online sales. A very unexpected one.

There were quite a number of baby items that I have used it just a few times and still in brand new condition. Now I don't think I need it anymore and I wanted some storing space. To give away, I feel quite heartache coz it is still new. So, I have been keeping these items for some time.

I have been wanted to put up on the net and sell through online system but I have been procastinating. Finally 2 days ago, I put up on mudah.com. Not putting much hope, I was surprised when I received an enquiry about one of the item yesterday. It is actually a red colour baby bouncing chair. Isabel used it less than 5 times because of the way they designed the seat belt, it was not too secured for Isabel to sit on it. I have been wanted to dispose this item because it is an eye sore.

I made some arrangement with the buyer and finally I passed the item to her today at Subang Parade. I collected RM60 for that. I think I bought it at around RM70++ to RM80++. I am so glad to sell it off to someone who needs it.

I used the RM60 to buy a pair of yoga pants and still left RM15 in my pocket...what a satisfaction..hahaha...

One of the "unusual" morning...

2011-08-12T09:06:00.002+08:00

It's 9.15am and I am sitting in front of my notebook, updating my blog without any interruptions. It is such a quiet morning. In fact, I feel "uncomfortable" with the quietness and "nothing to do" feelings at THIS hour.

Darren has gone to school. Isabel is still sleeping. Usually I will wake her up if she is still not awake latest by 9am, so that her routine will not get interrupted. But today...I let her sleep in because she is having a fever. She had her pneumococoa jab on Wednesday morning and she started developed the fever last night. Poor girl, I can feel her "haet" from carrying her. She woke up crying this morning at 7.30am and I felt her body was warm. So, I fed her medicine and followed by milk and wanted her to take more rest. She was tossing on the bed till 8.30am, only she fell asleep. I kept thinking, I am still thinking....am I doing the right thing to put her back on bed (which she protested earlier) at that time. If for normal day, I wouldn't let her sleep anymore. Now she is still sleeping and I don't know what time she will wake up and what her routine will be like for today. Hopefully, her fever will not come back anymore.

As for myself, I will be in the yoga at this hour on certain days but not today. So, I am feeling extremely "wierd" and "uncomfrotable" with the free time i have at this hour. Hahaha..human are funny isn't it? When we don't have the free time, we complain and long for it; when we have it, we feel funny and don't know what to do with it...

Anyway, weekend is coming and I wish everyone had a good weekend ahead and I should treasure the quietness in this unusual morning instead of "sitting down and don't know what to do about it..." ..ok..let's get a book and sip on a cup of "lemon tea" and on my favourite music....

Too much heartache...

2011-08-03T21:47:00.003+08:00

Raising up a kid is really not easy. There are so much heartache during the process and I keep questioning myself, am I doing the right thing????

I don't know why kids nowadays are so hard to teach/guide..or maybe I am putting too high expectation on my children. I'm sure every parent want the best for their children and want them to be a good person in the future.

I decided to stay at home because I want to bring up my children the way I want. So there are many things that I keep doing, keep improving, so that they can grow up to be a better person. But, I already face so many challenges now until I am feeling so tired and exhausted...and even at the edge of giving up...

I know no human are perfect, not to mention children. I always pick up some areas that my child needs to improve and find a method to work on it. Many times....many times...I feel so tired implementing those methods and I could not get the support too.

Just give the recent 2 examples...(that also the reason why i am putting up this post)..

I read from the internet this morning about how much sleep a toddler and preschooler need in a day and I realised that Darren and Isabel are not really getting the amount of sleep needed in a day. So, I decided to make them sleep early, say 9pm for Isabel and 10pm for Darren.

In order for Isabel to sleep at 9pm, she has to bring forward her nap time. So, I informed my helper about it and make sure Isabel naps early. Well, I did able to make her nap early but God must give me some challenges....she only nap about 1 hr for each nap (usually around 1.5 hr to 2 hr each nap..sometimes I have to even wake her up..) and until night time, she is overly tired. I quickly changed her, fed her and at 9.15pm, I was supposed to put her on bed, but she demanded to be carried by crying out loud. Usually she has no problem going to bed at night. So I carried her, comfort her till she almost fall asleep, I tried putting her down..(usually it will work) but not tonight. Immediately she woke up and continue crying...it drags till 9.45pm. I could not take it and left her on the bed and I came out of the room. I let her cry till she sleep.

While I was monitoring her outside, many times I nearly give in and about to walk in to carry her up but I stopped. I felt that I have carried her enough just now to provide her the comfort that she needed. So, I just let her cry. Do you know how heartache it is for a mother to let her baby cry and not going in and comforting her? In the meantime, I started to feel "numb" hearing her cries because she has cried so much in this 1 year ++ compared to Darren last time. So much so that the minute I hear her cry, I started to feel angry at her. Come to think of it, why she is crying so much? It is all because this cruel mommy is not giving in to her whimps. So she has to use cry to protest, to seek for attention, to shout for her demand. How bad is this mommy....

When she finally feel asleep, I went down and instructed Darren to keep his toys and go to bed. This boy, when the daddy is around, will always tell me, "I want to wait for Daddy." While the daddy was so busy doing his work, he never make any efford to so call bring the boy up. I tell him nicely the first time; getting more firm the second time; almost scold/threaten him the third time...finally I gave up. I told him,

"Up to you la. You just wait for your daddy. I go up and sleep first. You two stay here. Daddy, please bring the boy up and settle him later. Make sure don't go up so late. He is already not getting enough sleep, skip his nap too. Darren, tomorrow you don't tell me you are tired, cannot wake up. I am not going to send you to school tomorrow."

The "closing speech" carries some threats, warning, complains and all the frustrations in me. I aimed it at both the father and son. I am so tired...I just want the best for him..I know he is tired and I just want him to sleep early..why is it so difficult? Why it causes so much heartache? Maybe because the challenge hits me once on Isabel and now hit me twice on Darren, that's why I feel so disappointing.

I am now thinking...what do I get, research so much, do so much, think so much..all for the best of the kids but mere disappointment, un co-operative family members...seems like I am the one "poking my own heart" while they are happily doing what they want...Do so much but not being appreciated...do so much but do not gain co-operation...do so much but do not see results....what is the point of doing anymore? Might as well let them be..let them rot..let them spoilt....

I am feeling so disappointed.....parenting is really not easy. It needs BOTH parents to work together...I am only doing it myself....how to make it work?

Last Sunday - KLCC Park

2011-08-01T11:44:00.002+08:00

Yesterday after we get Isabel's glasses done, hubby suggested to go down to KL. He suggested Pavilion but I prefer KLCC as I can get my book there and the children can go to the park for a run..

We passed by Taman Tun and we bought the famous fruit rojak and taufu bakar as tea break. We parked at the road side and eat in the car. It was first time for Darren to have his meal in the car. Fun though...

We reached KLCC around 5.30pm and it was just nice to bring them to the park. Though we have been to KLCC many times but we never step out to the park before. We were amazed that their playground were so huge and so many playground equipment there. It was very well maintained and clean too. It was a waste that I did not bring my camera along but I was glad I paid my full attention to the children and have fun with them too...even Isabel step foot in the play area and have fun at the slide and tunnels. She is very daring, she kept wanting to climb higher higher..mommy felt so stress chasing after her and restricting where she can go and not..(sweat..sweat..)

Darren had a good time exploring allt he play gym and he was all sweaty..not only him, all of us were sweaty at the end of the day. When we asked to go, he kept asking us to give another 5 mins, 6 mins, 3 mins and 1 min. He was so reluctant to go. Even the sleepy Isabel also refused to leave the place.

While we walked back to KLCC, we passed by the fountain area and there were birds around. Darren loves birds. We throw some bread around and the birds were happily catching their food around. Darren enjoyed feeding the bird so much. Even Isabel was staring at the birds.

We bought a pair of shoes for Isable in Isetan for RM80. Very expensive pair of shoe I will say but hubby felt it fits her well and she can walk properly with the shoe. He didn't want to hunt anymore. We then have our dinner at the KLCC food court. After dinner, I went to Kinokuniya and bought my book - On becoming toddlerwise. Before we left KLCC, hubby bought me a t-shirt at errr..dunno which Japanese store.

We reached home late but the kids were so happy. Darren wanted to go back to the playground again but hubby said he needs to earn 6 stars before he can go again...

"Not 5 stars meh, daddy?" Darren protested...hahahahaha

I'm sure we will go back there again and I will sure remember to bring my camera...and extra clothings...so that we can venture into the water play..

Have you been to the park before?

July 2010 - My birthday month

2011-07-31T13:00:00.000+08:00

Yes..this month I slow down a lot..a lot...I tried very hard not to start any project, not to do anything. Just pass my day as a normal day and just pay all my attention to my children.

I love July..because it is my birthday month. I already hinted to hubby that I want a special birthday this year and yes, he gave me a memorable birthday that I appreciated very much. I even get a present that I really wanted. I love you, darling!!

Not only my birthday, we also celebrated my dad's birthday last Sunday too. We gave him a surprise birthday celebration. He never expected us to go back and we surprised him at the restaurant. All of us, from KL and Singapore, all went back and slowly showed up one by one at the restaurant..He was so touched and surprised..till he shed tears. Yes..my dad shed tears..especially after seeing my 3rd sis from Singapore. Even my mom shed tears and I was controlling hard not to cry. It was just so so so touching. Another memorable celebration this month. Great..great...

Since I slow down all my activities this month, basically there is nothing much happening for the month. I wanted to make some toys for Isable but I resisted. I wanted to buy another book to read but I resisted...I wanted to declutter my house but I resisted...I wanted to do something with Darren but I resisted...

Oh yeah...one thing I did for this month..I started YOGA again. I finally signed up a unlimited yoga session this month and I plan to go at least 2 -3 times a week. I need the exercise and work out. I need the time out too. The starting point was difficult but now I already get the momentum going. I need to continue..I need to improve my flexibility, I need to lose weight...

As for the children, Darren fell badly twice this month from the stairs and slides. Heartache for mommy. He get his new glasses this month too. Lately he has been behaving very well after I started implementing and improve his star chart. He has reached his 2nd target (another 5 stars for behaving well) and went to McDonald for lunch. He is actually a very easy and obedient child. I am just so proud of hime. I love him to bits and he has showed me how well he can handle himself lately. He has also slowly stopped taking his afternoon nap this month, except for the days that he has no Bau Bei. But he can sustain without afternoon naps nowadays. He will sleep early and easier at night.

Isabel... back to her difficult self. I guess it is due to her teething problem. She has been waking up very frequently during the night this month. It started with 2-3 times, then every 2 hourly, then hourly for the past 2 days ...till I have to let her cry it out on her own. I am too sleep deprived and tired to take care of her. I saw her molars are cutting out and really this phase will pass soon. I don't think I can sustain anymore if she continue to be like this.

Other than that, she has been more expressive and tried to imitate some of the words we say. She also started to imitate the "four golden princess" dance and sing in the DVD. She tried to swing her hand and turn around like a ballerina. I wonder where she learn this from. THis girl really loves singing and dancing.

Nowadays she is getting more active and bored of her toys. When I bring her to the playground every evening, she will want to play at the tunnel slide and go into the play area. She likes to climb at the tunnel and stairs. She even tried to climb at the railing. She is a very daring and demanding child, stubborn too. If I carry her away, she will scream very loud and protest with a cry too. Bringing her to the playground has become so stressful for me as I have to watch 2 children who are so clumsy, yet active. I am just so afraid they will fall and hurt themselves.

It is really not easy taking care of them lately. As Darren grow, he is getting easier but Isabel is the opposite. Tough..tough....I have been losing my patience many times in this month, especially after a hard night with Isabel.

I hope August will be better month for Isabel. I hope she can sleep better, then I will have more patience with her too.

How's your July? Hope you had a good one too.

My Birthday 2011...

2011-07-30T12:20:00.009+08:00

Yes..a little bit late on my birthday updates as I was so busy with my teething baby who wakes up so frequent at night till I am so sleep deprived.

Ok....back to my birthday. This year I have a wonderful birthday. Hubby planned everything for me and he even gave me a surprise birthday dinner. I celebrated my birthday 3 days....why 3 days???

Firstly, on the sunday before my birthday, hubby presented my birthday present few days earlier. He told me he has to give this birthday present to me earlier because I need to learn how to use it and I can use it on my birthday...WOW...guess what did I get for my birthday??? Well, he did not wrap it up nicely (due to lack of time), he just presented it to me...It is the item listed in one of my birthday wish list.. It is a Olympus e-pl1 semi pro DSLR camera.

Though it is not the brand that I want but this is actually a better one. The special thing is hubby even get me "personal training" that comes with this purchase. The man that sold hubby this camera promised to give me personal training on how to use the camera and teach me some DSLR basics. Immediately we went for the training that evening. He is so passionate in photography that he spent about an hr or two with me teaching me how to take a nice photo. Once I have mastered the basics, I can go back for more advance lessons. Very very good customer service.

Hubby planned to bring me out on my birthday and scheduled in law to help up with the kids on that day. But last minute my in law needed to go back on that day and so we have to bring forward the celebration one day earlier.

After my yoga, we went out around 11.30am. We had seafood noodle as lunch in SS2, then went to Houz Depot to get my mil the "two tier" standing fan that she wanted. Unfortunately there are out of stock. Wasted the trip there. Then I went for my hair cut at 1.00pm. Around 2.30pm, we went to herbaline for a free session on body massage. It finished at 4.30pm and we went straight to Pavilion KL for movie. We had some sushi as tea break before the movie. Hubby actually bought a movie ticket (Harry Potter) on my birthday but the ticket has gone to waste since our plan has changed. We watched another movie (Transformer) at 5.45pm. It was a long movie and it ended around 7.45pm. Then hubby gave me a surprise dinner at "Luna Bar".

I never expected this place and it was perfectly a surprise for me. The atmosphere are fanstastic and I love the dining restaurant. We chit chat and have a nice meal there. After the dinner, we adjourned to the bar area. Have not been to clubbing for a long long time and I started to miss those days when I was a single. We took some pictures. (That's the reason why hubby presented me the camera earlier, so that I can take the nice pictures at the roof top on this day.)

We left the place at 11.00pm and reached home half an hour later. It was a good day and I truely enjoyed myself very much. I am glad that hubby took a day off on that day and spent his day with me.

The next day on my actual birthday, we did not do anything except we went out for dinner. But that afternoon, a neighbourhood mommy bought me lunch, which make my day too. We had our dinner at Coca Restaurant in Subang Parade. It was a lousy meal. Not worth the price at all. I never regretted so much after eating there. I even feel like launching a complain. Anyway, lesson learnt. Please DO NOT GO TO COCA RESTAURANT IN SUBANG PARADE...You will sure regret.

How much do you think this amount of food cost?

Hubby bought me Baskin Robin ice cream cake on behalf of the children. The ice cream cake was fastiastic.

I also bought one mini compo to put in my room too as a present for myself. I just love music. I can't live without music. Though hubby objected this all the time but I don't care this time. Though it is small, the sound sysmte is not bad. I am very happy with it.

So, this is how I spend my 2011 birthday. I really enjoyed my birthday this year and hope everyday is my birthday...then hubby can accompany everyday and I don't need to take care of the children...hahahaha...am I too greedy??

Birthday Wish List

2011-07-14T16:06:00.002+08:00

Do you have any birthday wish list on your birthday?

I never have one and I never really thought of one all the while. But this year, somehow there are something I wish to have but deep in my heart, I am afraid this is not the right time to own it because I have no time for it...

What is in my wish list this year? 2 main thing...

1) Canon G12 camera.
I take a lot of photos for my children and I print it out on photobook every year too. As year passed, I can see what camera produced nice and sharp photos and I have been longing for a DSLR camera. But I know I have no time for it now as I am so occupied with the children and have no time to learn/practise how to use a DSLR. Came across this semi DSLR camera few weeks back and yesterday received a leaflet from Harvey Norman, the camera is on their hot deals list, yet still above RM1K. I bought my Canon compact camera last November and it is still in good condition. This is really a luxury item. Another worry also, I am afraid Darren would want to play with it too and they may spoil it. So....still thinking should I get it or not....

2) Brother sewing machine.
I love DIY. I can't handle needles well, so a sewing machine will be good. I can make a lot of things using the sewing maching. But I am not going to sew clothes for myself, maybe for isabel. The sewing machine that I am eyeing costs RM450. Though much cheaper than camera but it will take me more time to learn how to use the sewing machine than the camera and time is something that I am lacking now. I am afraid I will have no time to learn how to use and even after knowing how to sew, I have no time to make anything out of it. It will be a waste and the unit will be sitting down there collecting dust. Wondering I should wait till my kids are older and I have more time, only I will get this item.

Above 2 items are more hobbies related and I feel that I have no time to pursue my hobbies nowadays with the 2 active and demanding kids around. Practical wise, I think the camera will serve me better than the sewing machine as I can use it more than the sewing machine but the camera is not cheap. We have just spent so much on the house, should I still spend on such luxurious item anymore???

Maybe I should consider something cheaper like

1) Time from hubby.
2) Quiet time alone without kids around.

Well, at least it does not cost a cent for the above. Hahahaha....

If you were me, what do you wish for your birthday?

June 2010 - tiring month

2011-06-30T17:45:00.003+08:00

Well, it was way too overwhelming for me during the first two weeks of June due to the "carry forward side effect" from May activities and my half yearly family gathering in KL. I also attended the "Disney Junior" pre-launch begining of June.

We had a blast time catching up, eating and shopping while my family members gathered in KL during the first week of June. Though it was tiring and sleep deprived, especially I still have to take care baby at home and try to catch up and go out whenever I can squeeze myself out, it was fun fun fun. I always look forward to it and when come to bidding goodbye, it was always hard. How we wish good time can stay longer but it always not the case. I bought some expensive microfibre floor mat (4 for the price of RM88) and some clothings too. The sales was great. I also finally found the "2 tier standing fan" in Houz Depot and bought it immediately though no discount. The fan serves us good as the wind is strong and there are 2 heads that can be rotated.

My bedroom curtain also finally arrived end of the first week. I took the opportunity to clean up all the dust lying under the bed and windows. Also, I spring clean and re-organised my bedroom too. It gives my bedroom a new feel with the new curtain and bedsheet.

The stove..the FAGOR stove I purchased end of May..giving me a lot of problem. The supplier came and replaced the unit (the flame will go off by itself) and the new unit, the gas leaked from the unit inside. It was terribly dangerous. Luckily my smart maid noticed and detected it early enough. Or else, it might have exploded when she turn it on to cook dinner. We requested for money back but they are willing to upgrade us with a higer price unit. Since we have a pre-cut hole at the counter top, we did not have much choice but to take back from them. Yet, this new unit, we are not very satisfied with it still. I am not going to think about it. I am sick of complaining to them and they really give us lots of problem. It is stressful to deal with this kind of situation...arrrgghhh.......

I also have to constantly chase my "metal shelve cabinet" supplier. It took them around 2 -3 weeks to deliver the furniture to us. Finally they arrived in 2nd week of June and I declutter my children's toys and finally my maid's room is much neater and clean. No more boxes stacking up and it looks so clean.

Ok..I told myself to stop at the end of 2nd week. I find myself too tiring and stressful. So, I let go everything and just do the thing that I like...so I concentrate on my reading. I stopped decluttering; I stopped re-organising; I stopped training my kids; I stopped doing special activities with them...I just let them go by the flow and me? I want to enjoy my day without any plans...so..I finally completed 2 books (chinese book and scream free parenting) and 3/4 through my 3rd book (On becoming childwise) in one month..Bravo to myself...I was amazed with my reading progress....

Before reaching mid-June, I discovered Photobook is having 50% discount on all their books and it was so tempting as they only give up to 40% and hardly on 50%. Since I need to do a one year old book for Isable, this is a good time for me to grab this sales. Wow...i tell you...it took me few FULL days to complete a book for her. It was a hard-cover book that contains 120++ pages (total about 800++ photos inside). Super tired..and I finally able to submit my book the last day of the promotion. Then, the next day, I was informed that they extended the promotion up till end of June. OK..doesn't matter since I still need to get it done..but hey..I can do the yearbook for Darren too since the promotion extended. So, immediately I started sorted out Darren's pic for his 4-5 years old and again, it took me a few FULL days to complete another book for him..again another 100 over pages soft cover book. Then today....last day of the promotion...I took 3/4 of my day to complete another travel journal (only 46pages) for the family - our Hong Kong Disneyland trip last December. SO in total, I made "3" photobooks in 2.5 weeks. I respect myself for that as the sorting of photos are really not easy. I am now super tired...

Guess now I shall start resting and not occupying myself with any work anymore. I really need a good rest and some time with my children. While I was rushing out those work, I basically left the baby with my helper. Now, I need to resume back my duty as a mother.

Come to children...

Darren...my boy who has just turned 5 last month has learnt to bathe himself (started few days back). Now, he will request to bathe himself and I'll monitor him. Since I've been reading some parenting book now, I am trying on a few parenting technique on him. Quite effective I can say, now he is sitting at the dining table to eat his dinner and we will not give in to his any demand if we find it is not reasonable. Overall, from implementing the technique, I found that he is quite an obediant boy. He just need some enforcement at certain time. Most of time he is behaving. Oh yeah...he has earned his first reward to KFC after getting his 5 stars for behaving well for 5 days. Great job I can say. Now, his next target is to Pizza Hut or McDonald.

He is also started skipping nap during those days that he goes to Bau Bei. He can sustain better without naps nowadays but I still insist he naps during his free days. We also started training him to sleep with light off now. Few days back he was down with running nose for the first time in the year. Not bad..he is recovering now..

Brought Darren for his power check and need to do a new pair of glasses for him since his current one is quite scratched. His eye sight has improved a lot but his new power is now 800(previously 750) and 825 (previously 800). Not because the power has increased but it is because his eyes are more relax now after wearing glasses and more power are release during the test. He still need to do his eye patching everyday but we are quite slack in doing so. Need to work on it soon...

There were a few proud moments I have with him during this month that I shall record down in his blog. He is definitely a boy that I am proud of.

My girl...the very talkative and fierce girl. She is more playful nowadays. We bring her out to the playground and car porch more often nowadays. She walks more too. Not much of crawling nowadays. Even requested to walk at shopping centre and refused to be carried...headache... She is now into climbing stairs and coming to our room. She got infected by korkor virus and started running nose few days back.

Need to get her power check too for her eyes. Appointment has made on next Tuesday to sedate her to get the power. Guess this is the only option, given she is so active and cannot sit still and focus. Initial check found that her power is more than 400. Sigh....

Her vocab has improved..now he will call daddy, korkor and kakak but not mama or mommy. So sad....her other new vocab are "dark dark, shi shi". She will say "shi shi" when she saw her shoes and insist to be put on and want to go outside.

She had her chicken pox jab last 2 weeks and need to go for pneumococoa jab next.

Last weekend we attended the most parties in a year - 2 birthday parties and 1 full moon party. We had a good time attending those party and eating party food. Darren has a good time playing at Chloe's bithday party in KFC, Subang Parade, with the clown.

We also went for "toy shopping" last Saturday in Endah Parade. They sell all educational toys and we bought 5 wooden toys for Isabel and 2 educational toys for Darren and it costs only RM180++.

Overall I conclude this month as a very tiring month. I need to do nothing in July and really need to concentrate on my children again. I also hope I have more time to read and blog too...

(will post up more photos soon)

Stop..stop..stop...

2011-06-13T23:23:00.002+08:00

Feeling very tired..very tired...
I think it is time to stop..
stop planning things, stop finding things to do, stop decluttering, stop reading, stop blogging, stop surfing, stop disciplining the children, stop thinking, stop spending money..
I just need to sleep, rest and enjoy my day without any plans and things to do...

My problem is..I just can't stop...my head is full of ideas, full of things to do, full of plans...it makes me feel very tired...
Ok..I will try..I will try to stop some of it...

Maybe I should just concentrate on finishing my books, and complete some importatnt tasks..that's all..but oh..cannot, my metal shelf will be here in another day or two..I need to start decluttering the children's toys...my storage compartment above my wardrobe is full, I need to do some reorganisation. Children is behaving out of control, I need to implementing something to stop that...Gosh...need to bake some bread too...

Look, tell me how to rest and relax? I just can't....

A poor bird

2011-06-10T01:07:00.002+08:00

Today a poor bird nearly got drown in my fish pond at the porch. My maid spotted it when I was about to send Darren to his enrichment class. She picked it up and tried to put on top of our pillar and hopefully the bird's mommy will come and fetch it back. Oh yeah..it was a baby bird and it's leg has injured..maybe his wings too...that's why he couldn't fly.

We dare not put at the ground, afraid the cat will come and eat it up. But the bird tried to move and he nearly fall from the pillar. The bird make noise and a flock of birds flew around our house..maybe waiting to rescue this little bird.

After an hour of so, my maid put the bird at the playground opposite our house..then a flock of birds flew round and round the sky....and we went back to our house. In the evening when we strolled to the park, we couldn't see the bird anymore.

Hopefully it has gone back to his mommy's side and let the mommy heal its wound.

The poor birdie...

May - Home Improvement month

2011-05-31T23:44:00.001+08:00

It has been another busy month. This month I focused mainly on 2 things - building my home sweet home and training my precious Darren. Back on track after focusing on work for the whole month in April.

Home...it started with retiling the toilet flooring. It originally came with those slippery tiles. We didn't pay much attention to it when we were doing our renovation because we didn't have kids during that time. Until Darren came along and he started to walk and fall in the toilet (once), we realised how important the toilet flooring is. So, we placed those non-slipped mat around the toilet. It has been 2-3 years we have been using the non-slip mat and it has been getting harder and harder to clean it. It accumulates lots of dirt underneath and I believed the germs are super happy surviving down there too. Finally we decided to redo the toilet flooring - 3 of them all together. Now all the toilet floors are anti-slip and it is clean and child safe too. I am very happy with them.

We were considering renovating the front porch too - take away the pond, extend the pillar to the side and extend the main gate. So that we can park 2 cars inside. Somehow I decided not to as it involved too much work and I can't bear myself and the children living in the dusty environment for a few weeks..so, we scrapped off the plan.

Subsequent week, I revamped Isabel's play area too. Her toys were initially all thrown in the playpen but she was having problem accessing them. I feel it is important for her to access to her toys on her own. So I went to Jusco to buy 4 simple 3 tier shelves and set it up all by myself while hubby was away in Phillipines. I displayed her toys in the shelves and now she can access it herself and I am teaching her to put it back after finished playing it. I kept the playpen and it is much neater and she has a new play area to play with her toys. I love the play area very much as it is so spacious and neat. Never been so satisfied before...hahaha...

Then came Darren's birthday and we relocated the sofa all the back to the wall to create space for the children. Only then we found out that it was the perfect setup as it gives so much space for the chidlren to run around and play around. I love the new setup and decided to keep it even after the party is over. Isabel can practise her walking skill in the open space and Darren has lots of space to move around. My living hall looked so spacious now, though hubby found that he has "no place to sit" nowadays, coz his seat has moved to so far back that he is not used to it. But I love it...the children love...so he gotta learn to love it too...it gives ne a fresh feelings with the new setup...

One leads to another...while I was in the declutter mood one day..yes, I declutter almost every month and I love space and hate junk. I found that I don't know what toys Darren has because I used to keep his new and old toys in the boxes in my maid's room. And it has been taking up too much space. So I need a "cabinet" to store all the toys. So that when I open the cabibnet door, I can see what he has. But, where to keep those "giant" toys? Yeah...why not I get my helper a bed, then I can store those giant toys under the bed...here I went...straight to the furniture shop, I ordered a metal cabinet and a bed for my maid's room. She is super happy that she gets to "makeover" her room. However, the furniture is still not here yet.

Then...my stove started giving problem again...it is like the 4th or 5th time giving problem..so finally we went hob shopping. Bought a new hob and installed it last Sunday. New look for the kitchen coz the colour is slightly different from the old one.

Finally my bedroom..the roman blinds system giving problem again. We have fixed it once and this time I couldn't roll up the blinds to the top and it stucked in the centre. Well, it happened for quite some time already but I didn't bother but somehow it strikes me this month that I decided to change it to normal curtain with tracks. Last week went to the curtain shop and picked my blacked out material and I'll have a new look in my room in another week. I am excited...super excited...

So happened one of my bedsheets got hooked to something and it torn apart. Good reason to get a new bedsheet. Passed by Akemi and bought a new set of bedsheet and quilt cover set. So happened Darren received a Toys Story bedsheet for his birthday and we are going to put everything up when the curtain arrived next week. It will be a small makeover for my room too...double excitement...

So, from the toilet flooring, to Isabel's play area, to the new layout of the living hall, to the new hob in the kitchen, my helper's room and my bedroom...there are something new in almost every corner of the house...I just love it..i just love the new arrangement of everything..but the pocket is not happy though...a lot of $$$ is spent this month on my home but as long it provides us comfort and safety..it is all worth it. I think I am happier buying things for my home than myself..

Ok...done on the home renovation...here comes my children....

Darren..he needs some home training..so I came out

1. House rule (5 rules to follow)
2. Daily routine (for Darren and Isabel)
3. Reward Chart
4. Learning Chart

for him to obey and follow this month.

We pasted all the above on the wall where he can access to except Isabel routine and Reward Chart. Well, he has been doing well on the house rule. He can memorise it all and knows what is a house rule for. But when he rebels, he will "cahnge" the house rule himself and tells me the opposite of it...*slap head*. But so far so good. He understands his daily routine too but I am not too strict about the time but the sequence of events everyday. He will check with the routine at times when he wants to do certain things.

He has earned 3 stars so far...5 stars then he will entitle to go to KFC. He is working hard lately to achieve his goal. When I initially started it, he wasn't so motivated but as he is getting closer to his goal, he works harder. Good motivation for him to behave better and eat better...2 major things that I need to train him. Now he is eating on his own most of the time and he has to eat it at the dining table and finish the meal.

What is in the Learning Chart? It consists of

1. Song of the week
2. Nursery Rhymes of the week
3. Phrase of the week
4. Habits of the week

He will learn to recognise words and memorising songs and nursery rhymes with this learning chart. I will teach him to say something "nice" with the phrase of the week like "have a good day", "brilliant idea", "I beg your pardon" - with the idea to instill good mannerism in him and lerning new vocab too. Habits of the week is for him to learn a new habit/skill. Example, wear the pants on your own. Eat your meal at dining table, bathe on your own...

Though it was stated "..of the week"..it may takes more than a week per activity, especially learning the phrease and habits. It's ok as long he is learning something everyday.

Isabel..my baby...

Since we created more space for her, she has been walking a lot lately..round the house. Though she walks more, she is still wobbly and still falls at times. We slowly let her venture outside the house and let her walk in the park and public places. She looks cuter in dresses nowadays since she started walking..

We found her a new eating habits. I need to feed her fish with finger and followed by a spoonful of porridge. Without the fish, she will rejects the porridge. Her main dish is the "fish" and it has to be "hand-fed". Pening...she still loves bread and at least now she is back to her porridge and fish. Hope she gains more weight this month.

Sleeping wise....getting up for at least 1 time night feeding again...and at times she just want us to carry her for some time before placing her back to the crib. "Cry it out" method not working anymore as she is learning to climb out of the crib. I need to constantly check on her and standby at her door if she is crying, to make sure she doesn't climb and "fall out" of her crib. Stress..stress...wonder when this baby will sleep better...

She is getting more mischievious and cheeky nowadays. She is very expressive too...baby talk a lot and utter her first "daddy" on 23 May, Darren's birthday. It was so loud and clear. But daddy was not around that time.

Back to myself....

I attended the Kleenex lauch in Sunway hotel earlier of the month. This is the first time I attend this kind of function and I find that I learnt a lot. I even met Sheila Majid for the first time too.

I have yet finished my book "Life without Limits" and "Child Rearing for Fun". So little time for myself but so much to do.

Have been to a lot of bread making this month. Hubby loves fresh bread, so does Isabel. So home made bread is the best for them. Back to my bread maker and hope to make more "vegetable" bread this month.

Not forgetting we celebrated my mil, my mom and Darren's birthday this month. We celebrated my mil's birthday in Melaka beginning of the month, followed by my mother's birthday celebration in Ipoh on the 2nd week of May and Darren's big FIVE birthday on the 4th week of May. I was happy that we finally did a "children party" for Darren and not "adult party". Darren is definitely happy with all the games and water play on that day..also he received lots of toys that he LOVES this year. I am so happy for him.

I conclude this month as a busy but exciting month. Lots of money spent but all bring smile to everyone's face. June will be a holiday month and it is the time of the year that my family will have the half yearly gathering in KL. Looking forward to June arrival..

Hope all of you have a good month ahead too...

Pumpkin Bread

2011-05-28T00:26:00.002+08:00

Yes, I attempted another type of bread. Pumpkin bread this time and it turned out just SO SO SO YUMMY!!

It was just so delicious and you can just eat it without anything. The natural sweetness of pumpkin will leave in your mouth after you finish it. Surprisingly even after 4 days, the bread is still soft.

I will definitely bake it again...Yes to pumnpkin bread. Next, tomato bread...

Carrot bread and new play area

2011-05-13T00:04:00.000+08:00

Another very fruitful day today...Again, I don't know where did I get the energy from. I find that I have more time when Darren didn't go to school. Since the haze was quite bad this morning and his school practise open concept, I didn't send him to school.

After settling everything in the morning, I started baking carrot cake. Yes, first time I started baking bread in the morning. Well, Isabel has not been eating well and rejecting porridge but only wants bread. Instead of buying outside bread that contains nothing, I decided to bake my home made bread with carrot. So, I altered a bit of the spinach bread recipe and put in carrot instead. The result? See it for yourself...

It was super fluffy and soft and it is BIG too...i don't know why..My bread never had this kind of size, texture and softness before. I love it. But come to taste wise, I think the spinach bread taste better. I can't taste much of carrot here. A bit too plain I feel.

But my 2 kids love the bread. The happiest thing to see is your loved ones enjoys eating what you made for them...

While waiting for the bread to be ready and Isabel has her first nap, I fixed up "FOUR" shelves on my own. It was so satisfying that I don't need hubby's help to fix that up. It will sure give him a surprise when he is back from overseas. If I ever asked him to help, I am not sure when can I get this up. Luckily it was not too difficult and I get it all fixed up in about 1.5 hrs time.

In the afternoon, while taking care of the kids, at the same time I started to do some "housekeeping" of their toys. I created a new play area for Isabel. I store all her toys in open shelves (previously all kept in boxes or play pen. She has to point to us and we have to guess which toy she wants to play and take it out for her.) and she can easily access all her toys. I also kept minimal toys at the shelves and kept some for rotation purpose.

While Darren and Isabel had their late afternoon nap, I took the opportunity to clear and tidy up Darren's toy too while my helper clearing the storeroom. This took us longer time as Darren has too many toys that he never touch but I have no place to store them. I really don't know what to do with those toys and there are good quality and educational toys like puzzles and board games. Half way doing, Darren woke up, followed by Isabel. I was trying to finish my job fast and take care of them at the same time. I was basically soaked in sweat. Finally I get everything done up by 6.30pm. Tired ..tired....

So, this is the new play area for Isable. She loves the shelves and have been exploring all the toys she has. Like she never seen those toys before..hahaha...

A very productive day I can say...but a tired one....

I concluded my day with updating my 3 blogs and downloading all the photos...not bad afterall but I am super sleepy now...goodnite..

Updates on the previous post..

2011-05-08T11:35:00.002+08:00

I finally made up my mind and went back with Darren. For 1 main reason, that is

I really wish to be there and knowing that my baby will be in the good hand of my hubby. I should go back because my parents will be very happy if I am back.

Luckily my sister had not left by then and still gave me 30 mins to consider. I quickly had my lunch, pack some clothes and left KL around 1.30pm.

We had a good time in Ipoh. My parents were definitely surprised seeing us there. We did not inform them that we decided to go back. So when Darren made his first appearance, they thought my sister brought him back. But when they finally saw me, dad and mom were so surprised and happy till they laughed till "their mouth so big and cannot see their eyes". They kept saying I lied to them...hahaha....well, seeing them so happy make all the effort back home so worthwhile.

Happy..that was what I can see from my mom's face the whole day. She was laughing and smiling non-stop.

Thank God everything was fine at home too. No more swollen patches on Isabel's leg and body but still have fever. So hubby fed her medicine at 6pm. Just that she was harder to sleep again at night. Well, even with me around, she has been like that since she had her fever.

Thank you hubby for supporting me to go home.
Thank you sis for leaving so late and additonal 30mins for me to change my mind and follow her back.
Thank you everyone in Ipoh who gave us so much fun and make us so happy too...

A right decision that I've made finally.....

On this mother's day...

2011-05-07T11:49:00.003+08:00

Should I perform my duty as a daughter and go back Ipoh to celebrate my mother's birthday and mother's day?

Or

Should I perform my duty as a mother myself, to stay back KL and take care of my feverish baby?

This 'motherly' thing is troubling me this 2 days. No way I can bring baby back as she is not feeling well (having fever due to her post MMR Jab).

Hubby can take care of her if I go back on my own with Darren but my guilt tells me to stay back and take on my responsibility as a mother and be with my sick child and provide her the comfort that she needs at this moment.

Though my parents would not mind me not attending the birthday dinner tonight, I would love to be with them whenever I can, especially in this kind of special occasion.

A hard decision to make...

Fruitful Thursday...

2011-05-06T15:04:00.004+08:00

Never know where did I get the energy from (perhaps from a good night sleep the night before. Isabel slept through the night without disturbing me)..I think I've accomplished quite a lot yesterday SURPRISINGLY...

Woke up 7+ and woke Darren up. Prepared Darren to school and sent him to school. Drove over to the post office (wanted to post something) but too many people and I left. Went home, had my breakfast and Isabel woke up. Played with Isabel from 9am to 11am. Collected the enfa tin foil and put into envelopes and made some redemption for Darren. Then I left the house. I went to..

1. Car Wash center - to wash the engine and the whole car. My car has not been "bathed" for around 6 months I guess..hahaha...I left my car there and I walked to..

2. Stationery shop - to purchase an envelope. Photostate some documents. Check out some magazines and news art supplies...

3. Walked to post office - post the redemption form and some documents.

4. Walked over to a mixed rice shop and ta pau some vegetables and meat for lunch.

Then I collected my car and picked Darren up from school. Reached home, bathed Darren and had our lunch together. Isabel woke up from her nap and I fed her lunch. After her lunch, Darren was playing with his car while I walked into the kitchen and started to make this...

Spinach buns and loaf bread. Thanks Alice for recommending the recipe.

I was supposed to use organic bayam to do the puree. While blending the puree, the rubber inside snipped and came out and it blended together with the puree. I have to throw away the whole puree and use organic spinach instead. Wasted the hard work and my bunch of organic bayam.

Anyway, was glad that the result turned out SO GOOD.... Everyone loves it and when it just came out from the oven, it even tasted better. Soft and nice...

While waiting for bread dough to rest and rise, I make Darren sleep and I surfed for an hour. Then I bathed Isabel and let her nap. I then went down to the kitchen and rolled the bun and sent to oven for bake. While the rest was sent back to the breadmaker to bake as bread loaf.

Around 5.30pm, I then drove my car inside the car porch and started to "detail clean and vacumme" certain part that was not clean properly earlier on. Darren helped me with the vacumme and I cleaned all the gaps.

6pm, Isabel woke up and I forced to clear up everything and brought her down. Bread were ready and I prepared Isabel dinner. Played with Isabel while waiting for my sister to come and collect some of the bread and bun. Bathed Darren at 7.30pm and prepared his dinner and let him eat on his own at the dining table while I took my bath.

Had my dinner around 8pm and called my mil. It was her actual birthday yesterday. Played with Isabel till 9.00pm and cleaned her up and sent her to bed at 9.30pm.

Urged Darren to clean up his toys and wanted to go to bed early. When everything was ready and I was about to go up with Darren to the room, Isabel cried and demanded to be out of the room. I carried her out and let her watched Darren washing up and brushed teeth. She was laughing non-stop when seeing Darren brushed his teeth. Tried to put her to bed again..but still cried and not ready to sleep. Carried her out and felt that she was a bit warm. Guess she was having mild fever from the MMR jab last week.

From then on, I was caring for a cranky and unwilling to sleep baby onwards till 12.45am. Darren supposed to sleep early, also get affected because of the mei mei. I was super tired by then and lost some of my patience too. I just dropped dead on the bed after she was willing to be put on the bed. I set my alarm at 2.30am to check on her temperature. The whole night I was in and out her room to check on her and she cried once at 2.45am and refused to sleep.

I thought I can have a good rest after all the hardwork yesterday, mana tau my little girl feel that I did not have enough work and gave me extra work....tiring tiring..but very satisfied because I get most of my things done.

April 2011

2011-05-03T15:21:00.003+08:00

It has been a super duper busy month for me. Well, I conclude this month as a working month as I spent 3/4 of my April finishing my work for the company. It took me a long time as there were so many errors that my staffs have made that I have to find it out and correct it. Thanks to my mil who came over to help me up with the children for more than 1 week while I was away working in the office. Sad to say that I still couldn't finish within a week and it has extended to the rest of the month. I have to steal my time here and there to complete what I have to do and finally I get it done and close my file on the 29 April. Relief...

Darren and myself went back to Ipoh by train on the first weekend of April, meeting up with my 3rd sister from Singapore. We had a good time being together for that 2 days 1 night. Unfortunately Darren came back with hip pain and luckily it has gone away after a few days of resting. We also get our Unify installation done on the first week of April. Now, we have fast internet access and some free tv programs. I love the baby channel the most, very suitable for Isabel.

2nd and 3rd week I was mostly in the office. We celebrated my fil's birthday on the 2nd weekend in Madam Kwan, Mid Valley. On the 2nd Saturday, we brought the children for their eye checkup. Good news is Darren eye sight has improvement; Bad news is ISabel's eye sight is bad. She needs spectacles very likely. Unfortunately she didn't co-operate on that day and we failed to obtain the right power. Need another round of checking when she (or we) is more ready.

We celebrated my niece Charlotte's birthday on the 3rd Saturday. She has a big birthday party in her new house and Darren was having lots of fun there. We didn't go anywhere on the 3rd and 4th weekend of April as we stayed at home most of the time during the day and had dinner with cousin's family at night. It was mostly relaxing weekends that we did not rush for anything and just stay at home.

The last Friday of April, I baked macaroni for lunch and following the wedding of Prince William and Kate for the whole afternoon till night. Have not been so crazy over "celebraties" for some time already. Felt that I was still in my twenties..hahaha...

We spent our last day of April in Melaka celebrating my mil's birthday. Wow..lots of birthday celebrations this month acutally but more in May. We will be having cakes and cakes alsmost every week in May soon..we had our first last week..hahah...

As for the children...

Darren has his regular ejaan forthnightly and has been doing well. He is going to start spelling soon. He has graduated from his A card in Bau Bei and going to B card now. His eye sight has improved and we are not so strict on his eye patching now. I've made him a "craft" cake with candles since he loves playing with cutting cakes and so many birthday going on this 2 months. Daddy also bought him a remote control "Mercedez" car for him during the 4th week of April in Mid Valley and he loves the car to bits.

His birhtday is coming and I can't believe my son is going to be 5. Though he is 5, he cries like a baby sometimes and throwing his tantrums when things did not turn out the way he wanted to be. He is less independent this month, not sure why and harder to wake up in the morning.

I've been postponing his speech therapy for 3 weeks. Firstly due to us not practising enough after I came back from Singapore; Secondly due to me going to office and have no time to bring him there. We went for the speech therapy on the last week of April and found out that his stutter was still bad though we all feel he was much better. His problem is actually those "soft" stutter that we really need to pay attention at. His major air grasping and jumping have gone but still need to work on his soft stutter. Well, guess I need to start the therapy session with him at home again with him soon. After the session, I start to notice his stutter again.

So, next month will be a challenging month for all of us as I have planned for a few things to implement in our daily acitivities. May will be a busy month for the kids and myself.

Isabel...my baby...she is no longer so babyish anymore. She has achieved a few major milestones in this month. Proud of her...she walked a lot with support and now starting to walk unsupported. She is very adventurous as she will just suddenly stand up on her own (without suppport) and start walking forward. She will walk or dash forward for a few steps, then landed with a thump. Boy...how tired now we have to pay 100% attention to her when she is awake. Not easy....

She also babytalk alot this month. Words that she utters are "papa, mama, mum mum, kor kor, car, apple, babe(baby), nana (banana)...etc..." She loves her kor kor so much that she will call her kor kor everyday and not us. She looks for kor kor when she wakes up and will laugh whenever kor kor playing catching with her. She loves playing with kor kor. She also always go and hug her kor kor whenever she can. She also loves lying on kor kor's bed instead of ours.

Well, she also started fighting with kor kor for toys too. She aways wanted what kor kor is playing and hence, start the fight. But the kor kor is very smart now. He knows how to distract mei mei by taking out another toy(car) and showed her how to play with it. Once the girl release what she is holding and take the one that kor kor has taken out, the kor kor will immediately snatch his own toy back and ran away...how cute to see them play like that...She now loves to play blocks and cars. She can put in the "round" shape block in the shape sorter and trying on other shapes too. As for cars, I think she just followed her kor kor. She loves to hold 1 car in each of her hand and push it on the floor or tv cabinet. She also loves balls or anything round too.

Isabel has not been eating well this month too. She has been rejecting her porridge and solids. She only likes bread, biscuits and fruits. We have sent her for her MMR jab on the last week of April and she has tasted egg, so we know she is not allergic to egg. Isabel also has her first nose bleed on the last weekend of April. She is very playful nowadays.

Overall, this month is a busy month for me and I have neglected my children a lot due to work and also personal emotions. I think I am also going through the grieving process over my bil this month. Slowly, I am feeling better now and hopefully May will be a better month. I've so many things in my mind now for the children that I need to list it down one by one...

Come back to see what I've for the children in May...

Happy May month for everyone...

Be careful while pushing Carrefour trolley at the MV carpark escalator

2011-04-26T11:38:00.002+08:00

It happened to me on Sunday 7pm in Mid Valley Shopping Centre.

I hardly buy groceries from Carrefour Mid Valley. That evening, I bought a jumbo pack of Cutie Compact toilet roll (consists of 3 rolls), a jumbo pack of Pet Pet disposable diaper and 3 boxes of tissue paper. The toilet rolls are haevy, so I have no choice but to use their trolley.

Hubby was carrying Isabel. He was at the front, walking towards the car park counter to pay for the car park. My helper was following him behind, pushing the stroller. Darren and myself were at the back, pushing the trolley. Darren wanted to push the trolley, so he was between the trolley and myself.

We took the escalator down and when we were reaching the floor, I pushed the trolley but suddenly the wheels got stucked and jammed at the escalator. I got paniced because Darren was between the trolley and myself. If I were alone, I know to walk at the same spot to avoid knocking against the trolley and at the same time, figure how to push the trolley out. But with Darren around, he didn't know hot to walk at the same spot. So, he was moving nearer and nearer to the trolley and the trolley were stuck. I have no choice but to keep pushing the trolley out, hopefully with all my might, I can get the trolley out.

Surprisingly I did not scream for out. There were 2 men behind me and knocked at me too. They tried to help but quite impossible because they were behind me. I was panic and kept pushing. Luckily my maid turned around, hearing some noise behind. She quickly came to my rescue. She helped to push the trolley out and I quickly carried Darren up, afraid his leg might get stucked at the escalator.

After we were saved, I quickly checked on Darren. So afraid he might get injured at the chest/stomach area coz he was sardined in between the trolley and myself and the escalator kept pushing him forward. Thank God he was fine, no scratch or whatsoever.

My heart was still beating very fast..then my helper asked how was I..only then I discovered that my fingers got a cut and was bleeding and my arm got a long and thick red line. I couldn't remember how I got injured and the whole thing just happened so fast.

A security lady walked over and told us that next time if we were going to push the trolley on the escalator, it is better to stand in front and lift the trolley up when reaching the base. She said this is not the first time and many got stuck there. Only then I remember..oh yeah...I remember seeing people get jammed at the same escalator "FEW" times before but it was some time back.

She told us they are not sure it is due to the trolley or escalator problem and some are ok. Later we tried to observe people pushing trolleys and there were one with Carrefour trolley too, nearly got stucked but was able to push out later. Those with Jusco trolley was ok. I think it is the Carefour trolley that caused the problem.

Anyway, I was mad and told the security lady that if Mid Valley knows there is such a problem, how come they never do anything about it. She said, they can't be removing the whole escalator and redo it. I then said, then they must get someone to standby at the base in case anyone got stuck and they can come to rescue. Luckily I have a helper, if not, who is going to help me. Defintely they need someone in front to help to pull trolley. People behind will not be able to help. Also, luckily there werre no trolley behind me, if not, I will get crushed in between. I have a little kid with me somemore.

Guess what she said? That's why we are here. But my question is," How come you didn't come to the rescue and it happened?" She only come to me after I was saved and reached the base. Is she really doing her work, I wonder....

I am going to complain to Mid Valley and Carrefour. So, readers out there...do pass it on and if you are pushing a shopping trolley at the Mid Valley carpark escalator, DO NOT put your child in the trolley and you stand in front of the trolley and not behind it. I don't want you to be the next victim. I think I still have not recovered from the shock yet...

p/s: then so happened that night, Isabel's nose bleed..that gave me another shock...eat "pearl powder" also no use...see so much "red" that few hours....scared..sccared...

Something is bothering me...

2011-04-19T17:20:00.003+08:00

This year has not been a good year to me. So many problems and heart-breaking events have been happening and it seems no end to it...

I'm not going to list down all the problems that I have but there is this ONE problem that I have been having in mind, that have been bothering me very much - that is - my maid is going back for good this year.

Well, I considered myself lucky to have her as my first maid and she has been working with me for 4 years. I give her a rating of 8/10 and she is not only my helper but also my companion. I treat her like a family member and she has been good so far though I know she has a little secret hiding behind me. As long she is performing, treating my kids well and do her job, I tried to ignore the "secret" that she is hiding from me.

I tried to extend her by increasing her pay to RM900 but yet she decided to go back because her father wanted her to go back. Well, she has earned enough and said she just want to go back for good and spend her time with her family back home. Since this is her reason, nothing I can do to hold her back.

Honestly I have been trying to get a new maid but there is a shortage nowadays. I still prefer Indon and no way I am getting a Cambodian after hearing a lot of scary stories. Phillipinoes are expensive and not easy to manage.

So, I tried to convince her to stay till I get a new maid. I increased her pay up to RM800 and get her to stay till November this year. She sounded ok and agreed to me verbally just last week. I was relieved for a while.

Just now I told her that I am going to do her contract renewal tomorrow and she suddenly stopped me. She told me she wanted to call her parents first since she is going to delay in going back home. She is scared that her parents will object.

I have a funny and uneasy feelings after hearing that. I am afraid that she was just "entertainning" me when i asked her to "help" out last week and now she will use her parents as an excuse to tell me that she can't stay. Well, her contract ends next month and I really hope she will not throw me this "bomb" last minute coz I will definitely not able to get a replacement so SOON.

I hate this feelings as I hate to depend on people, especially maid. Honestly I am very reluctant to bring in a new maid as I don't trust them. This maid took me 3 years to gain my trust, yet I don't trust her 100% though I give her a rating of 8/10. I never leave Darren with her alone before and as for Isabel, I have no choice and I have to leave her alone with the maid when I send Darren to school and enrichement classes, do groceries and marketing. I can't be tagging her along under the hot sun fetching Darren here and there.

I really wish I can live without a maid but at Isabel's age, it is very difficult for me. Moreover hubby always go outstation and it will be extremely hard for me to take care of them day and night without any help. Don't even need to mention if they are sick or unwell. I questioned myself many times, can i do without a maid? At the end of the day, I told myself, I can live with a mess in the house, but I cannot live without a break from the demanding children. It will be too mentally challenge and I will go insane. I think I still need help at least for another 2 more years till Isabel is 3 years old.

I wish time can flies and I don't need a maid anymore. Now, this "maid" issue is bothering me very much..very very much..I hope my maid is not tricking me around and be sincere to help me up till end of this year. I'll apprecitate it very much.

On one hand, I hate to think about or even accept the fact that I have to get a new maid; On the other hand, I don't think I can handle without one. It is so mentally torturing. I just feel so uneasy whenever i think/talk about this problem...SIGH......How??? Any comforting words??

March 2011

2011-03-31T16:57:00.004+08:00

I told myself I should do a summary of what has happened in every month at the end of each month. So that it made me recall all the good and bad times we had during the month.

Our first outing of the year - Bird Park. We went to the bird park on the first week of March and Darren enjoyed it so much though it was hot and sweaty. I wish we can have more of this kind of trip, instead of shopping or sitting at home. However, Isabel's sleeping time was interuppted due to the outing and she was soaked in sweat too.

Then it was the celebration of Isabel's ONE year old birthday. We celebrated her birthday at home and glad that everything went on smoothly - being her very cooperative and all the help from my in-laws. I should thank God that I have such wonderful in-laws. Or else, the party will not be a successful one.

The 3rd week followed by the school holiday. Generally it was a relaxing one for me as I don't need to fetch Darren up and down. We slept as late as we want, woke up as late as we can. We also took our own sweet time to do things, no rushing and hurry for everyone. Thanks for the good weather. We got to enjoy some outdoor activities on Friday and Saturday morning at the park. I also tried to squeeze in some art and craft time / baking time for Darren too. I just love the holiday.

The month ended a little bit sad, as my dearest 3rd bil finally being called home to be with God. I felt the loss very much as every bits of him is still fresh in my mind. Think of the good side, at lease he is now free from sufferings. I just wish my sister and my niece can be strong and start a new life again. It was sad seeing my sister juggling so many things on her own in a foreign land. We sisters could not help much as everyone of us has our own commitments and responsibilities. Hope she can draw strength from God.

As for the children....

Isabel..no longer a baby but a toddler now. She has finally trained to sleep on her own and I am very proud of her. It's easier to take care of her now as she can sleep on her own. She is also started solids this month. She loves solids now but not so much of milk. I've upgraded her to Enfagrow 1 week after she turned 1. She is now taking 6oz of milk, 3-4 times a day. After I came back from Singapore, she has "sort of" weaned off midnight feed. Though she still make some noise in the middle of the night but I didn't need to give her milk. I hope she will soon able to sleep through 11 hours straight without waking up at all. Then I'll be a happy mama.

She is also getting more and more playful nowadays. She loves playing hide and catch. She loves hiding to corners and when we spot her, she will crawl very fast to runaway from us. She adores her brother. She will sayang her brother whenever she sees him.

She has also established a routine nowadays. Something that I have been wanted her to have. It is easier to take care of her nowadays compared to her baby time. I even bring her out sometimes to do grocery, picking up darren from school and to my sister house to play with her cousins. She loves going out and sitting in the car seat. I am proud that she can sit still in the car seat and enjoy her car ride.

Darren...such a big boy nowadays. First time away from us - to JB with my mil. He was behaving very well according to my aunty, passed her criteria. I am proud of him for being so independent and well behaved. Evening playground is a must for him nowadays unless rainy days. He found some friends at the playground (mostly neighbours) and enjoy his cycling, playing balls and even badminton. I bought him a pair of racket and 5 shuttercocks. He is actually not very good in sports but he is trying to blend with his friends in the playground who are very "sporty". I am glad that he runs more, jump more, play more sports nowadays. Good exercise for him.

His speech is also getting better. We sent him for speech therapy sessions after confirmed he has severe stuttering problem. After attending 2 sessions, his condition has improved. His "K, C & G" sound has improved too. He can now pronounce "gong gong, kor kor" accurately. I am proud that he is aware of his situation and make a lot of effort in improving it. He is a boy who listens to us.

Yesterday was the first time he has "ejaan" (malay spelling) in the school - first school test in his life. The 3 malay words were "ladam, tilam, jambu". I have yet received the results. He told me he can spell all right.

After listing down everything, seems like this month is not that bad afterall. Guess we should always count our blessings and seek the good out of the bad.

I wish April will be a better month.

Tired and guilty..

2011-03-29T12:53:00.002+08:00

I just came back from singapore. 5 days away for my bil's funeral. He has finally relieved from all the sufferings and in the happyland, for eternity.

Didn't really sleep much for the past week and finally I started to feel the tiredness and sleepiness. Came back home with a heavy heart. Though I am glad to see my children but I didn't have the energy/heart to play/take care of them.

Though I rested last night but this morning still woke up feeling tired. Darren was late to school because I couldn't bring myself up. After sending Darren to school, I came back played a while with Isabel and came upstairs and sat in front of the notebook.

I told myself, I would go down in an hour time but time passed so fast that it has been 1.5 hr and I was still sitting in front of the notebook. My helper brought Isabel upstairs and fed her milk and put her in the playpen (time for nap).

I took over the baby monitor. Looked at Isabel playing by herself in the playpen, tossing around the bed, pulled out her cloth diaper and played with it..a sense of guilt flooded me.

I felt so guilty of not spending time with her the whole morning. I felt guilty for sending Darren to school late. I felt guilty that I have been "avoid" taking care of her lately (since my helper is capable of handling her).

Guilt...guilt..and I really still feel very tired and sleepy...

Since she was still awake until I needed to fetch Darren back, I brought her out to pick up Darren from school.

I must start to regain my enery and take back my responsibility of spending time with my kids again. I cannot dwell on like that...I must get up and start moving and be more positive....

So quiet and empty..

2011-03-20T22:58:00.003+08:00

It's already 11pm and I am feeling so empty without Darren around. Surprisingly I did not miss hubby so much..hahaha....I'm definitely miss my son more than my hubby.

Isabel went to bed at 9pm and I was so free after that. Yes, I never had this kind of freedom before. But I really don't know what to do with the free time I have because I just miss my son so much..till I have no mood for anything. Definitely not doing serious stuff like office work or tax filing. Ended up surfing and called my sister in Ipoh.

Feeling so sleepy now but don't feel like sleeping. It is just a mix feelings...I think I started to miss the 2 most important men in my life. They are just so important to me. I just wish they are with me RIGHT now..I really miss them..well..especially Darren.

So,what am I going to do tomorrow? Guess I'll be quite free tomorrow, no need to fetch Darren..but I feel like I have no direction without Darren around....sob ..sob...

The forgetful ME

2011-03-09T18:55:00.002+08:00

Have been very forgetful lately..due to age? after giving birth to 2 babies? tiredness? problems at home? not focusing? not mindful?

Yesterday I was looking for my new bought roll of art paper up and down in the car, in the house and finally found it near the gate (don't ask me how come it is at the gate); before going to bau bei, darren was looking for his tumbler up and down and I searched through the car, in the house, in the bedroom..couldn't find it and this morning, hub just went to my car and took it out (don't ask me where did the tumbler "hide" in the car).

Just now went to pasar tani and Darren was complaining that I didn't buy banana for him. I was puzzled for a while coz I remember very well that I bought banana. I remember very clearly that it costs me RM4.70 and I paid RM5 and they gave me change of RM0.30. Find hi-lo, in the car, in the kitchen...I think I forget to collect it after paying the money...

Sigh...very very unhappy with myself....why am I getting so forgetful..this is just part of the things that I forget..there were more incidents like this that has been happeneing to me lately...I used to be very sharp and have good memory but not now anymore...I want my old self back...

Self-doubt..

2011-02-27T17:25:00.003+08:00

Have you ever doubtful of your own decision or ability? Have you ever feel that whatever decisions you made or whatever you have done don't seems right?

I am at the stage of doubtful of myself. I started wondering every decision I made or everything that I do is right or wrong.. I always question myself, what is the best and I couldn't seems to find the answer. After I have made the decision, I always feel that it is not the best decision after all. I started to lose self-esteem, I started to lose confidence in myself; I started to mind what other people say; I started to feel so insecure and vulnerable.

I decided to use Cry It Out method to train Isabel on her poor sleeping habits. It seems there are great improvement. Should be good, right? Then I stumbled upon a few websites that critics the approach and I started to question myself, did I do the right thing? Is CIO method really right for Isabel? Well, she can sleep on her own now though she still fuss when I leave the room. I started wondering all these cries will do any harm to her? Am I not a good mother? How come I have so little patience and can't make her happy without any crying? ..

My dad is hospitalised and I feel like going back to see him. I started to have so many worries leaving the children behind with my hubby and in laws though it is just a short trip back on my own. I couldn't make up my mind and don't know what should I do?

I know I should just do "what is best for myself" but I already could not figure/decide/think what is the so called "best". So subjective, isn't it? I started to lose judgement. I even cannot decide on very little thing in life like where I want to go, what to cook, what to buy...

So many other incidents, that I start to doubt my own decision and feel so bad after I have made the decision. Why am I like that? How can I get rid of these negative feelings? I need to find my own self back. Anyone has any solotions? I am feeling like a failure nowadays....

It's funny....

2011-02-11T17:26:00.003+08:00

I just have so much to do but so little time. Everyday I was busy running around the 2 kids..both of them just take out all my time. The girl has not been sleeping well..so I have interrupted sleeps every night, resulting in sleep deprivation.

I have always looking/wanting some time alone...but no chance..when the boy goes to school, the girl is up; when the girl takes her first nap, the boy is back from school and I've take care of his bath, meal and nap. When the boy is taking his nap, I've to take care of the girl; When the girl is taking her 2nd nap, I've to fetch the boy to bau bei, if not do some grocery. Then came evening - the busiest time when both kids are up and wanting attention and I've to juggle both of them. Till night, when the boy is asleep, the girl is still not sleeping soundly, waking up every 30mins demanding to be carried back to sleep..till 2.30am...

That explained I have not been updating my blog regularly..so much to update but no time and energy. No time to leave my footprints on your blogs too..but I still blog hop when I have the time....

Till...just now....after I sent Darren to Bau Bei, the girl has fallen asleep without her milk feed and bath. So, I have basically some "FREE" time to myself..with the boy not around and the girl sleeping...funny thing is..suddenly I don't know what to do.

I need some sleep, I need to organise my work, I need to plan the children's routine for this new year, I need to update my blog, I need to download pictures from my camera, I need to do some grocery shopping..I need to make a new eye patch for Darren...the list goes on and on..BUT...

Instead of completing any of the above, I took out the pak kuah, fried "nga ku" and CNY cookies, a can of 100Plus..sitting in front of the computer blog hopping. I was enjoying the cookies..very much....I was thinking the girl will not sleep so long coz she has not taken her milk yet..so I was waiting for her to make noise but...it has been 1.5 hr she has slept and I have just wasted my time just like this....

ARGGHHH......now I feel panic...I should just have completed at least one in my task list. I feel my time has been wasted...such time is so hard to come by and I suddenly didn't know what to do with it.

Well...how I wish I can have more of this time....now it's time to pick Darren up and before I knew it, the girl will be up and I have to continue my "mad rush" with the 2 kids again in this busy evening....tired..tired..tired...

Not a good year end....

2011-01-06T15:19:00.002+08:00

2010 did not end too well for me. Too many things happening in the last month of 2010. It was supposed to be a festive month, full of celebrations but it ended to be just a worrying month for me, rushing here and there...did not really celebrate much.

The last quarter of year end has not been going well for me. If you read my last few post, you will know the sequence of events that has been happening. It get worse towards end of November. My dad went through angioplasty in end November, then my whole family was falling sick - one by one; started with Darren, then Isabel, then Darren again, then hubby and myself at the same time, and back to Isabel again. It lasted about 3 weeks.

When all gets well, I went back to Ipoh to pay a visit to my dad. That weekend, my eldest brother in law admitted to hospital in Ipoh, suspected heart problem too. Scheduled to do an angiogram but luckily he passed through with only 5% blockage. The day before, my 3 sister from Singapore requested help from my 2nd sister from Ipoh. Only then we realised that she has to go through a minor breast surgery the day before my bil's angiogram. My 2nd sister immediately went down to singapore and luckily her results was ok. They found calcification on her breast and needed to remove it. Very sad to say that, one day after her surgery, her husband, my brother in law, admitted to hospital due to difficulty breathing. Was treated with severe pneumonia and later was hit by a massive stroke. Things get worse and he went into coma.

He is fighting for his life till today. Doctor asked us to let him go since his left brain is totally gone and part of his right brain is damaged too. According to the doctors, he already has no feelings and know nothing. But we cannot just let him go. Miracles do happen and we are waiting for that day to come. It was not easy for my sister, who is still recovering from her surgery, staying in the hospital day and night, accompanying my bil. Since my bil is in the ICU unit, she has to sleep at the waiting area, those adjourning plastic chair for nights. It was really painful to see her and my niece going through this tough time of theirs.

We have to hide all these from my parents as we knew they will not be able to take this news, especially my father that has just gone through the angioplasty. It was not easy. My sister wished my mom to be there but we know, she will not be able to take it too if she sees him in the ICU. Even we cannot accept it, how to expect the elderly to accept it?

It was also the first time..the very first time...6 of us (brothers and sisters) together, being so united and cared of each other so much..to spend our 3 days 2 nights there in Singapore to support my sister. We stayed overnight at the waiting area outside ICU, we shared our opinions, we cried together, we laughed together (yes, we still crack jokes, to ease the tense atmosphere). For the first time, we were together supporting each other. It has been a long long time that brother stroking our head to show his love to us when we were crying. It was difficult..so difficult to make each decision. It is about life and death....

So happened that we have planned for our holiday in Hong Kong after Christmas. We have to carry on our plan since nothing much can be done here. Though it was supposed to be a nice holiday to Disneyland, I did not enjoy myself very much.

Back home, Isabel has become more and more difficult to care for. Hard to sleep, hard to drink, refuse solids totally...getting up few times middle of night crying and needed to be carried to sleep...I was exhausted...

Honestly, 2010 did not end well for me and 2011 did not really start well too. I was not excited about the new year, I was not prepared for the new year to arrive. I have no new year resolutions. I am living one day at a time. I am struggling to deal with all the stress from the 2 monsters at home and also the worries about my sister and her family.

Till today...I have so much backlog waiting to be cleared but has no time to it. Sorry if i did not leave a comment in your blog coz I did not even have time to blog. I am stealing time here when Darren is napping and helper is looking after Isabel downstairs.

I do not know where to draw strength from...I am not a religious woman. I hope I can find my inspiration one day and back to my positive self soon. I hope things will get better in 2011 and wish everyone to be healthy and happy.

Happy New Year to you too!!

Where can I buy patience?

2010-12-08T19:32:00.003+08:00

Yes..I need heaps of it..and I think I am lacking it...

For the first time, I almost gone crazy with Isabel.. this is not the first time/night that she just cried and cried and refuse to be lied down and sleep. I was super tired and she just would let this tired mommy go to rest..

I was angry...
I was mad...
I was getting impatient..
I was getting desperate...
that I need to have some peace of mind...
I hate the sound of crying..
It really make me go crazy..

Woke hubby and asked him to take over coz I know if I continue to be with her, I will sure start to abuse her/strangle her.

I cannot control my emotions,
I cannot control my thinking..

I was so helpless till I cried..
till I hit my hand on the wall..

Why she has to be so difficult?
I can't stop thinking that God sent her to torture me..

I don't know how to handle her..
I don't know how to make her feel comfortable..
I fail to be her mother..
I don't know how long I can last...

I hate it...I hate it.. I really hate it...

2010-11-27T12:23:00.003+08:00

The worse fear is here....

Isabel is down with fever again this morning. She has just recovered and I'm SO SO SO afraid that she will get it from us again as we are all sick now with this nasty bug around.

Sent her for doctor this morning and noticed that her throat is a bit red. Since this is an early stage, we do not know is this a virus or same bacteria infection like ours. Nothing can be done now, just need to monitor her further.

Sad...sad...I am feeling really down and sad. Is it we never done enough protection to prevent her from infecting? Or we did not quarantine ourselves enough? Is it I am not stern enough to stop Darren from going near Isabel? Or...there are just so many questions and blames in my head now...I really blame us, the parents for not doing a perfect quarantine for Isabel...it's too late now...

She has just stopped taking her medicine few days back and she needs to take again. She has just back to her happy and usual self and now she is sick again...

Why the bug just don't leave us alone?
Why the bug has to go round and round the house?

Hubby and myself are still not recovered yet...
This bug is just too stubborn..

Darren has just recovered.
Now left Darren and my maid are healthy..
Please..please don't get them infected again...

I am down..really down....When is this going to END?????

30 mins later
---------------
My maid told me she has headache now..Oh no...is she going to get it??

I'm having a crazy idea...I really feel like checking everyone to the hospital now..I mean those sick ones..like hubby, Isabel and myself...If not, the bacteria and viruses will just go round and round and it is really not easy to quarantine an active preschooler and baby in a small house. Moreover, Isabel likes to put things into her mouth. She is trying to crawl and her hand just touches everything in the house, then put into the mouth. We are trying our best not to let her put things in the mouth but you know..baby is a baby..she will just scream and wail...WHAT TO DO???

When both the parent is sick..

2010-11-26T13:01:00.005+08:00

When the children is sick, the parents can take care of them.
When one of the parent and the children are sick, another parent can still take care if them. (although tougher)
When the children and the parents are sick, well, we can just eat medicine together and "pengsan" together, even all in the same room since everyone is sick...

BUT... But...but... what if..

The children is on the road to recovery and both the parent is sick??? It makes things very very much harder....

The children is getting active, the parents has no energy to entertain and handle them..
The children immune system is low (still on the road to recovery), the parents cannot go near them, afraid they will infect them.

How will be the night time sleeping arrangement like???

We are currently stuck in this situation...

In laws are all not available..luckily we have HELPER.....a reliable one some more....

Hubby down with fever and sore throat in the afternoon. Went to see doctor and came back early to rest.

It was my turn in the afternoon, starter with sore throat..towards the evening, fever hit me..as high as 39.2...I'm nearly passed out....

Went to see a doctor and doctor said my throat has a lot of nodules and it can become white dots...sound familiar...oh yeah....Darren was having the same thing 4 days back....

Confirmed Darren passed the bacteria to me. Taking the same antibiotic as his too (Augmentin).

So now, how is the sleeping arrangement like since everyone is sick?

Darren supposed to sleep with me in the guest room at night since we are having the same bacteria. He should have building his antibodi already but he refused. He insisted to sleep with the daddy in the master bedroom.

So, we ended up..

My helper sleeps with Isabel in the baby's room;
I sleep in the guest room;
Darren and hubby sleep in the master bedroom.

My whole body was aching whole night. Feeling hot and cold...fever came back around 4am. Throat extremely painful. It really hits me hard.

Now I have switched role with my helper. I hang clothes, wash plates/bottles and she takes full care of Isabel. Hubby actually has the luxury to rest but he is still working from home.

Hope my helper and baby will not get infected...
Hope we all recover soon....
As I still want to bring Darren for eye checkup tomorrow morning..
As I still want to bring Darren for the Ben10 boot camp tomorrow evening at 1U.
As I still want to go back Ipoh to visit my dad who has done an angioplasty...

Feeling very heavy hearted..

2010-11-18T16:54:00.002+08:00

It started with...

3 weeks back - Darren was diagnosed with high power of long sightedness and lazy eyes. Need to wear his super thick glasses all the time from now on. Hard to accept as I thought my son is perfect but never realised he is having vision problem since he was born.

2 weeks back - Isabel may have the same problem too, just not sure how high is her power. Need to send her for checkup before she turns 1. If have to, she has to wear glasses at an early age too. Though we are not sure now, the worries is still there.

6 days back - Isabel caught the flu bug. She has fever (once a day for 3 days), runny and blocked nose, teary eyes, coughing badly. Till now, she is not fully recover yet. Still under medication. Poor girl, she can't breath/sleep well because of the flu.

4 days back - Darren has been coughing for a month (though no fever). We have been sending him to see a chinese doctor since few weeks back. Sent him for his pediatrician for checkup. Doctor said she hear some "sound" from his airways. She catagorised him as "hypersensitive airways". This problem...if get worsen, may lead to asthma. I asked how can we prevent it from turning into asthma. She said we cannot prevent it, just hope that the body will recover by itself. We hope the chinese medicine can help him.

2 days back - while sending Isabel to the hospital to see the doctor, we met a mother with her 10 month old baby girl at the hospital. We chatted a little bit and get to know that her baby has been healthy since born but suddenly developed fever on the day she turned 7 months old. Sent her for check up and discovered something wrong in her urine. She has been on antibiotics till today and going through a lot of tests - Scan, ultrasound, blood/urine tests..the worse is, doctor said she may need to go through an invasive test - have to put her to sleep and inject some dye to her bladder to check for abnormality. She is one chubby cutie pie...why she needs to go through so much tests?

6 hours ago - read from Kim & Julie's blog and get to know BB Sam has admitted to hospital 4 days back. She is fighting for her life. Met them personally 3 weeks back and BB Sam is such an angel. She is a really beautiful baby. Why she has to suffer from all these?

2 hours ago - received a call from my 4th sister. Said that dad fainted this morning during his morning walk. Sent him for checkup and the doctor referred him to a heart specialist - said maybe one of the arteries is not functioning well. He is in the hospital doing his check now and when the results is out, my 2nd sister will inform us. I'm still waiting for the result. Pray hard that there is nothing wrong with dad.

Now...
Looking at Darren watching the tv with his glasses;
Seeing Isabel breathing so hard in her sleep;
My mind is thinking of...how is the 10 month old baby girl now? Does she need to go through the invasive test?
My mind is also thinking of...baby Sam..how is she doing today? Is she better?
My mind is definitely thinking of ...my dad...how is the result? I'm really worried of him.

I just can't seems to pull myself out from feeling down. My heart is very heavy. Darling....please come home soon...I really need a hug from you. (btw, darling is outstation today)

A birthday cake for hubby

2010-11-09T23:03:00.003+08:00

Last Friday was hubby's birthday. I couldn't think of anything to get for him. So, I decided to bake him a birthday cake. Since we are not really into sweet stuffs, I decided to bake him a small chocolate moist cake - for a start. It was my first time decorating a cake too.

It was not so simple as what I thought. It took me almost one whole morning to source for strawberries and one whole evening to bake and decorate the cake. Used up a lot of bowls and utensils too..I was super tired after everything.

The cake didn't turn out well. Somehow it turned out to be like a chocolate mud cake instead of chocolate moist cake. I have extra batter too and I make it into cupcakes.

Though I was not happy with the cake itself, I was quite happy with the decoration.
Though I feel it was a failure, Darren walloped 3 cupcakes and skipped his dinner that night.
Though it did not really turn out to be a chocolate moist cake, hubby claimed that it tasted delicious too.

So, what do you think?

My new camera..Canon Ixus 130

2010-11-05T00:11:00.002+08:00

My 4th digital camera...

1st (Feb 2002) - Fujifilm 1.3MP...haha...it was a wedding gift from my father in law. Anyway, I've lost all the pictures taken from that camera. Can't recall where I saved them.

2nd (Mar 2006) - Canon Ixus 55..5.0MP. Expecting Darren's arrival, we bought this during a roadshow. It cost us thousand plus. THe zoom lens started giving problem.

3rd (Dec 2008) - Casio Exilim 10.1MP. A christmas present from hubby. Around eight hundred plus. The display screen not functioning.

Now..my 4th camera...wanted to get a semi DSLR..still prefer Canon..and was eyeing for S90. When I was there at the shop, I tried a few models. Darren was so interested into cameras too. He was so excited and looking at the way he hold the camera and pressing all the buttons, I told myself..I'd better get a cheaper and simpler camera. Simple reasons..the chances of dropping is high because S90 is heavier and bulkier compared to normal compact camera. Also, the way he played with the buttons, he may change the settings easily without me realising what he has done. Lastly, don't really think I have the time to "play" with a semi DSLR camera yet.

What I need is something I can just take out and shoot and put it back. That's all. Because of the kids, I have to put my hobby on hold first. So, finally I settled my mind to get this Canon Ixus 130 - nothing special, not exciting at all. Just another compact camera to replace the old one.

As a blogger, I can't live a day without a camera. Moreover, there are so many important events / moments that I need to capture lately that I really need a camera NOW. So, without hesitant, I get it 2 days ago at Fotokem Mid Valley. I've missed out so many important events during that few days without a camera. From now on, whatever photos you will see in any of my blogs are captured using my new camera.

Any good camera recommendation?

2010-11-01T11:59:00.002+08:00

My 2 year old Casio Exlim display is not functioning...when I needed the camera most to capture one of important Darren's development stage. So, I need to get a new camera soon.

Anyone has a good recommendation of what camera should I get? Somehow, I feel Canon is still the best but some said Lumix is not bad too. Some said Canon Powershot photo quality is better than Ixus..is that true?

Wanted to get a DSLR initially but after much thoughts...its weight and bulkiness...this is not the right time for me..my bag is already full with baby's things.

Do share me with your experience with cameras...i need to get one soon...thanks!

My 4 days 3 nights "holiday" in H..... Sunway...

2010-10-19T17:57:00.003+08:00

"H" stands for....hotel??? No no no...it's HOSPITAL....

It happened just so sudden and it ended just like that..totally unexpected...

We came back from Ipoh on last Sunday and I was bit tired on Monday. I thought it was the hangover I had it from traveling. Darren did not go to school as his cough got worse after the Ipoh trip and he woke up late. Hubby decided that he stayed at home on Monday.

Everything was normal except I was feeling tired and sleepy.. It was not until I was reading to Darren his nap time story at 3.30pm. He requested me to read the second time and I was just suddenly feel SO SO SO tired and sleepy. I sped up my reading and drew the curtain. Commanded him to sleep immediately as I thought I could catch a short nap with him while my helper was watching my little girl downstairs.

Suddenly I felt cold. My hand and feet started to feel cold. It was a really hot hot afternoon at that time and I only on the fan, no air-cond. I covered myself with comforter..still feel cold...I double fold my comforter and covered myself...I started to shiver..I shivered still my hands and body were shaking non-stop. My teeth kept biting and I knew something not right. Darren so happened dropped his board book on my head somemore. My head was spinning and my body was shivering.

Immediately I shouted at Darren to bring in the house phone. I ordered him to call hubby's office and I talked to hubby. Even hubby can hear my voice shivering over the phone. I suspected dengue as my legs muscle started to ache. Hubby asked me to check my hands for red spots..when I took out my hand from the comforter, I noticed the colour of my skin has changed. I can see patches on my hands and my skin were like transparent. Something not right...though I was feeling fine (no headache, no fever, no dizziness, no nausea), except the shivering..I started to feel panic. Hubby immediately rushed home.

I went downstairs and my helper get my a cup of hot milo. My hands were shaking, my skin colour has changed too. My helper said, even my head were shaking. It was really bad. I just couldn't control myself from shivering. I shivered about 30mins, then slowly I stopped shiver and slowly I can feel the fever was coming. I went upstairs and changed my clothes, get my ID card and insurance card. I checked my body temp and it has reaches 38 degree by then. Slowly I started to have headache.

Hubby reached home around 4.30pm. I wanted to go to a nearby clinic but hubby insisted to send me to Sunway hospital. Darren followed us and we left my helper and Isabel at home. During the journey, I can feel that my body temperature was shooting up and my headache was getting worse. We caught in a jam nearing the hospital and I started to feel nausea.

Hubby dropped me at the Emergency entrance and I walked in to register myself. I felt so cold entering the hospital and requesting for a blanket. It took them ages to get me one. They checked my blood pressure and temperature and my body temp already shoot up to 38.8 by then. I waited outside the hospital because it was just too cold for me inside. Hubby parked his car and came in with Darren.

Doctor said it was viral and ordered a blood test to test for dengue. He gave me 2 panadol before drawing my blood. He failed to draw from my arm. He then tried on my wrist. He knocked and bent my hand...then suddenly I told him, "I am feeling dizzy and I want to vomit..". My vein is very fine. It needs expert to do that. He then asked the nurse to bring in a wheelchair for me and pushed me to the observation ward. The minute the nurse moved me, I vomited..she moved me again, I vomited again...finally I vomited the whole lot of milo and water out...then I felt better.

The nurse then wheeled me to the ward and put me on the bed. The doctor wanted to give me drips. It was already 6.15pm and I was worried about Isabel at home. Hearing people coughing around the ward, I was worried for Darren too. Hospital is full of germs and viruses.

Took out my courage, I asked hubby to go home first. I told him that the nurses and doctors will take care of me. Since the results will take few hours, no point for him and Darren to stay in the hospital. I then stayed back, with only my IC, insurance card and handphone. No cash, no purse...

Doctor came in and asked if I wanted to admit. Looking at that situation, I decided to admit since I'm afraid I might infect the 2 kids at home (since I still didn't know what's wrong with me). Also, hubby will not need to worry about me in the hospital. Doctor then insert the IV line for me, put me on drips. It was so painful and I started to feel scared...being alone in the hospital without anything and anyone.

The nurse then get me to do the admission procedure. When I passed them my insurance card, they told me I brought the wrong card. The card was for accident. Oh no....I then called my insurance agent to check for me the policy number, she called me back 20 minutes later informing me that my hospitalisation plan was not with her...Oh God...I checked another insurance agent number and oppss...I lost his number. I then called hubby to check for me. He told me he was caught in the jam. The nurse then suggested to put me under "Self-pay". I said fine...but she needs RM2000 deposit and I have NO MONEY. Luckily they did not kick me out of the hospital..no money, no insurance...trying to stay in a private hospital. Hahaha...luckily they are kind enough to let me put that on hold and wait for my hubby to come and make the payment.

Hubby insisted that I stayed in a single room, so that I can have a good rest. The nurse wheeled me to the room and I was feeling much better after that. I was already hungry and they provided me sandwich as dinner. I then rested in the room and hubby handled the 2 kids at home. Hubby also called my in laws to come down to help out with the children. My in laws were kind enough to take a night drive down that night itself and arrived our house at 11pm.

I was feeling much better later part of the night. Hubby came and visited me at around 11.30pm..bringing me supper, clothes, soap and shampoos, ipod and magazines. He also brought me milo with cereal and biscuits and grapes too..I was like "holidaying" in the hospital.

After the supper, I felt nausea again. I vomited a little. I then slept till 4.30am. I started to feel cold..then my fever came back again around 7.30am. I was constantly on panadol for the 2nd day. I also feel gastric for the whole day even though I ate.

I thought I can discharged the next day but doctor came in and told me my platelet was dropping, from 200 over to 189. They put me under "suspected dengue" case. I stayed for another day. Doctor said, I can only discharged when my platelet goes up again.

3rd day, I was feeling back to normal. No fever, no nausea. I thought I can discharged again this day. But my platelet still dropped a little. Doctor said it was very likely viral infection, not dengue. For dengue case, the platelet will drop very drastically and the fever will continue for 5 days. As for me, my fever only lasted 2 days and my platelet just dropped a bit, still within the normal range. Again, I can only discharged when my platelet goes up again. I was already feeling very bored in the hospital.

4th day, thank God..my platelet went up back to normal 200 over. Doctor declared I can go home now. Hoorey...but hubby was outstation. I called my fil to pick me up. I was only home at 7pm. It took them almost whole day to discharge me.

After I reached home, I bathed and I started "work" immediately. Darren was super naughty and the girl needed to sleep and making lots of noise. Only then I realised how weak I was. My head was spinning due to the noise and running around with the kids. After dinner, I brought Isabel to the room and I told my in law to take care of Darren and I went to bed with Isabel at 8.30pm. I was just super tired...even just 1.5 hour after arriving home.

Throughout the 4 days 3 nights stay in the hospital, I was very independent. Hubby only come and visit me once a day, half hour each. He has to go to work and take care of the kids at home. I asked everyone not to visit me as no point for them to come. I did not even inform my family until the last day as I did not want them to worry about me before I know what's wrong with me. I admitted myself to the hospital, I discharged myself. I talked to the doctor and I handled everything myself. My hands were so sore after 3 days of drips. My the other arm were full of needle holes like a drug addict, where they draw my blood everyday to check. I joked to everyone but deep in my heart, how I wish hubby was with me during that few days. Waiting for the blood test result was torturing, waiting to get the right diagnosis was worrying. But it's over now.

I was glad that everything was fine at the end of the day. I was glad that my helper was able to take care of Isabel well (she doesn't want my in law). I was glad that Darren was fine too. I thank God that hubby did not go overseas during this time (though he went outstation on the day I discharged). I thank God for my in laws to be around to help out during this period. I thank God that I was not suffering very badly while I was in the hospital, except the first day.

It was a total rest and peace for me during that few days but yet I did not sleep well. Now, I am back at home, I can sleep like a pig on my own bed. That few days just come and go like that and now I think back, it was like a dream. Never expect the virus hit me so badly, never expect I'll suddenly being admitted..never expect I will stay so long in the hospital on my OWN..now I am back to my busy self...I'm glad and thank God that I can be BUSY again..it's a blessing to be able to work and get going...I'm glad I'm fine..

Have you ever wonder how your kids are doing at school?

2010-10-11T14:57:00.000+08:00

Have you guys wonder what did your children do in school?
How do they behave?
How do they socialise?
How well can they concentrate in class?

Can anyone of you tell me the nursery/kindy that you send your kids to allow you to observe your kids when they are in school?
I doubt they allow because they may not want you to see how they manage the children...

I always feel curious how is Darren doing in school.
Although he seems fine and happy every time he comes back from school..
I just want to see how he interact with the rest,
how he learn in class,
how well he eats, sleeps (during day care)...
I feel like spending a day at the school to observe him...
Wonder the teacher will allow me..

Have any of you did that before?
Do you have the same curiousity like mine to know how your kids are in school?
Or maybe I am just too "kepoh" and want to know every single bits of my son, especially when he is out of my sight...

There is this thing in me...

2010-10-07T14:31:00.006+08:00

...that I always want to teach/guide/educate my children myself...not so much on academic but other values in life like manners, independence, habits....

That's why I quit my job and stayed at home..
That's why we went to so many playgroups together..
That's why we did so many activities together at home..

Until I conceived Isabel..I neglected him a lot since then.
Even after Isabel was born, I couldn't find the "skill" to manage 2 kids at one time.
I sent him to nursery..
then proceeded to day care...

I was telling myself,
as long he is happy there and benefits him,
it does not matter...
It's the quality the time that I can have with him that matters, not the quantity of time.

When he goes day care, I spent better quality time with him at night.
We miss each other more.
If he stays at home longer, I'll be scolding or screaming at him more.
He will be spending his day on tv or handphones..
So, day care is the choice...

Not until last week..
I started to realise..
I don't really know what Darren has been learning and doing lately..
Isabel has took away all my attention from him..
Taking care of a baby nowadays is not an easy job.

I realised his days was not as productive as before..
well, I admit I have no time for him.
If I have the little time, I'll steal it for myself.
I feel that he was not guided properly at home.

So, I did some changes in my routine..
I told myself,
I will take charge of Darren all over again whenever I have the time.

I was buzy like an ant..
running here and there for my 2 children.
I took every single opportunity to teach Darren..
I spent every single minute I have with him PRODUCTIVELY.

We played puzzles, blocks, legos, mind games;
We practiced handwriting skills;
We drew and coloured together;
We sang and danced together;
We exercised and play balls together;
We went for a stroll with baby in the evening;
We went to the park and cycled in the evening;
We jumped, hopped, run and play some party games together
I taught him how to jump side way, hop on a single leg, walk with an egg in the spoon (balancing skill)..
I told him bedtime stories;
We have 5 min quiet reading time together...
We were just spending so much time together for the past 5 days (sat -tues = no school; wed = half day school)...

We have fun, he has become more independent..
He knows how to invite me for games..
Of course, he loves me MORE...
because I spent time with him.

My day was so fulfilling and fruitful,
I'm here making Isabel sleep,
the next minute I was downstairs playing with Darren.
It left me zero energy at night..
My battery was totally flat..

Today, I was so hesitate to send him back to day care...
I feel like we are going to lose the time together again..
Most important..I'm losing the chance to play and learn with him..
I am passing back the responsibility to the school...
that I'll only see him few hours at night..
and I won't be able to teach/guide/educate him that much...

I really feel like pulling him out from day care...
But I am not sure am I ready for that...
Maybe 1 more month???
Or...
Part of me still want to enjoy the freedom that I have when he goes to day care..
Part of me want to take back the responsibility to take charge of his life again by myself..
Such a mix feelings...
I just miss him so much now..

updated 1 day later..Decision made...

I've decided to let Darren stayed in day care until end of Nov. Main reason is my next door is doing major renovation and everywhere is dust. We cannot open the main door and windows. So, if he stays at home, he is very much limited to indoor only. No outdoor activities for him. Also, the air is not that clean. It'll be better for him to stay in school than at home, at least until the renovation is done...hopefully another month..

His eyes were swollen yesterday. Brought him to see doctor and said most likely allergy. But he has been eating at home and no new medicine was taken. So, I suspect it could be due to the dust in the air that caused the allergy. Doctor also said the environment does play a part. That make me make up my mind that let him stay in school for another month or 2, then I'll pull him out from day care. Hopefully by then Isabel will be easier too.

Renovation started

2010-09-30T17:31:00.002+08:00

...but not my house..is my IMMEDIATE NEIGHBOUR.

Today they officially start work..all the knocking and drilling sound really irritate us. They are going to do a MAJOR renovation - extend the kitchen to the max; tile over the front porch and still don't know what yet...

I haven't met the new owner. According to my helper, they are chinese young couple like us too. Hope they are nice people.

Poor baby now has to nap in my room, on korkor's mattress. Her room is located at the back and no way she can sleep there because of the knocking and drilling sound. It is really really disturbing and noisy..arrgghh...

Another worry is all those foreign workers...sigh...my helper is quite "pretty" and hope she won't hooked up with any of them. This is really a big concern to me.

Wonder when the renovation will end.....(headache)...

Demotivated..

2010-09-29T12:17:00.003+08:00

There are many things I want to train my kids.
I surfed the internet and read up parenting books.
The books taught us how to do it.
It sounds so simple and convincing.
But when I actually trying to do it...
It is really not easy.

I have been carrying Isabel to sleep and put her down to the cot.
She has no problem sleeping on her own after midnight feed, no carrying, no pacifier.
I'm sure she can sooth herself to sleep too during the day.
I tried leaving her on the cot when she seems sleepy.
She played for half an hour,
Make frustrated noise for another half and hour,
and started really crying for one whole hour.
Till she her voice has changed, she couldn't even control her own self,
despite me already carrying her.

Poor baby, I tried to be more patience but
the way she cried and the big big drops of tears flowing down her cheeks..
just make me feel so heartache.
I'm afraid all these crying will cause any side effects on her like
phobia in her cot, voice changed or bad dreams.....
Just so much worries....

At the end, she defeated the mommy.
She won...and I finally carry her back to sleep.

I have a mixed feeling...
relief that she finally stopped crying, finally fall asleep
down that I fail to train her to sooth herself to sleep,
sad that I have caused so much stress on her and finally still carry her back to sleep.

I even feel like a failure..how come I fail to make her sleep on her own...
I was asking for patience when see her cry;
I was asking for strength to make me more hard hearted;
I was asking for confidence for Isabel, hope that she can really do it;
I was asking for...i also don't know what..I just kept telling her..

"Isabel, it's ok. You can do it. You can sleep on your own. Just close your eyes and sleep. Mommy is here to be with you. Mommy love you (plant a kiss on her face and forehead). "

Yet, we did not manage to pass through this challenge.

I console myself,
It's ok...how long can I be carrying her to sleep..
there is no harm carrying her to sleep...
She falls asleep very fast when I carry her to sleep..
No point creating all this stress for yourself and baby.
She will soon outgrown it and be able to sleep on her own.
Just take it easy and enjoy carrying her.

Deep in my heart, I really wish she can sooth herself to sleep.
Then, maybe she can nap longer, sleep better, be more independent.

I'm feeling so demotivated now..to try implementing anything...
Maybe I just let her be...
What will you do if you were me?

Hubby away..

2010-09-22T16:02:00.002+08:00

Today is Lantern Festival. Family member should be gathered together and have a meal. But tonight, I will be only having dinner with Darren as hubby just left for China 3 minutes ago. I already starting to miss him..

This time, he will be away from us for a longer period. He will be traveling few countries and states for the next 2 to 3 weeks. A very intensive and pack travel schedule for him. It's like today he will be in China for few days, next day he will be in Bangkok for another few days, then next day he will be in Penang..almost a back to back traveling non-stop. Luckily my in law will be coming down this Friday. At least Darren will have someone to play with during the weekends. Or else, we will feel so bored. With Isabel, I can't be bringing them out.

I really don't like hubby to travel so much. Besides wishing he can be with me everyday and night (too greedy, rite?), I hate the worries I have when he is out of town. I will worry when he is on the plane, I will worry when he goes to country that is not so stable and safe. All in all, I just wish he can be by my side everyday.

I already miss him dearly now - 10 mins after his plane departed. Just wish he can be home SOON.

I miss you darling. Do take care of yourself and WE LOVE YOU!!

What should I do?

2010-09-17T00:46:00.002+08:00

Someone close to me is quite ill and I want to make a trip back to Ipoh to visit her.

Hubby only has this weekend available and he won't be free for the next 2-3 weekends. He offered to drive me back. However, the thought of the amount of Isabel's things to pack and bring back just for 1 night stay really put the idea off. Moreover, it might be jam when we come back on Sunday coz of a long holiday also deter me from bringing Isabel along. She is not a good traveller yet. Since my main purpose is just to visit, I don't need to stay long in Ipoh. I don't mind bringing along Darren but not Isabel.

So, I thought why not I leave Isabel behind with hubby and I travel with Darren. It'll be easier for hubby to take care of Isabel at home when Darren is not around.

So, I left with not many choices.

1. I can bring Darren along and take a bus.
Pro: cheaper and the bus station is nearer to my house.
Con: The journey could be quite long (approx 3 hrs or maybe longer if jam). I'm afraid Darren could not take such a long journey in the bus. What if he wants to poo half way?

2. I can bring Darren along and take a ETS (electric train).
Pro: The journey is only 2 hours. The train has a cafeteria and washroom.
Con: KL sentral or KTM is too far from our house. Maybe I can take a KTM commuter from Subang to KL Sentral? But the total traveling time from Subang to Ipoh may come out to 3 hrs also.

How?????

Also, the thought of me traveling alone with Darren also make me hesitant. We never try travel alone before. I also miss Isabel and hubby at home...yes...yes..even thought it may be just a 2 days 1 night away from home. I am not used to it. I am afraid hubby cannot manage Isabel since Isabel is quite attach to me and not accepting hubby well. Well, my maid can help. Isabel is fine with her. Still, there are so many worries in me.

On one hand, I really feel like going back. She is quite old and ill, we do not know what will happen tomorrow. I do not want to regret later if I don't make the effort to go back. If I don't go back this weekend, I don't know when I can go back since hubby will be EXTREMELY busy starting next week till God knows when.

On the other hand, I feel reluctant to leave my hubby and Isabel behind. Funny thing is, I want to spend time with hubby but if I stay back, we most likely will just stay at home. He will do his work and I'll busy with the kids. Even though I know the fact, I still feel reluctant to leave him behind. He has been extremely busy lately, hardly has time for us. Every minute with him is so precious to me. But honestly most of the time he is at home, he is doing his work, not really spending time with us. A sad thing to mention, isn't it? Well, as long he is physically with me, it doesn't matter what he is doing, it is better than he is not with me.

Anyway, tell me what to do......

p/s: after writing down everything here, I think I know what to do..but can you tell me if u were me, what will you do? I want to hear more opinions from you. Thanks!

Enjoy life while we can..

2010-09-06T00:05:00.005+08:00

Wanted to put up a few posts for Darren. Before doing that, came across Sasha's blog and get to know the passing of our dear blogger friend, Lisa Wan. Was totally shocked and not prepared, I couldn't believe she really left us. She was one the most optimistic person I have known, though not personally but have read so much about her on her blog and FB. I felt the loss for her husband and the 2 little lovely boys. And yes...I cried..

Life is full of uncertainty. No one knows what will happen tomorrow. We tends to forget the most important things in life and always complain about the nitty gritty things. We are so lucky that we are still healthy and able to hug, kiss and have fun with our loved ones. We should smile more when a smile does not cost anything; We should play more while we still have the energy and power to do so. Enjoy life while we can and pain free. We never know what will happen tomorrow. Let's live life to the fullest...

Don't think I can blog somemore. Darren chose to sleep with his grandparents tonight. I hugged him so tight and gave him so many goodnight kisses. He returned the hugs and kisses to me. He is one so cheerful boy. Isabel cried in her sleep. I carried her up and with lots of patience, I patted her back to sleep. I am so lucky to be able to hug, kiss and hold my two lovely children. And now, I decided to finish up this post and get on to the bed. I just want to hug my hubby tightly and tell him how much I love him.

Wish everyone will have a better day tomorrow. Goodnite!

Damage from battery corrosion

2010-08-22T19:27:00.002+08:00

Wonder you have experienced this...
An expensive electronic toy,
long time did not play with it,
when you try to on it,
it didn't work.

Open up the battery compartment,
only found out the battery has caused bad corrosion at both terminal.
Here gone the toy and it cannot be played anymore.

I have 2 expensive experiences on this.
Both are Fisher Price toys.
Both toys are above RM100.

Today I tried to remove the battery corrosion on this old Fisher Price toy.
Which I have removed the battery out from the toy when Darren was not playing with it some time ago.
I surfed the net and found out that using baking soda paste and hot water will help.
I tried and put so many,
leave it for hours.
Yet, it did not come out.
I tried sand paper too.
Yet, it did not come out...

At the end, while I was still trying to scrap off the rust,
the spring broke.
Same as the first toy, the spring broke too.
Here gone the toy.

If I remember clearly,
when I remove the battery out from the toy,
I didn't recall seeing any leakage from the battery.
I really wonder what causes this corrosion.

I feel so heartache as it is an expensive toy
I thought Isabel can benefit from it
as she loves to kick nowadays.
I am sure this toy will amaze her.

Is there anyway I can save this toy??
With a broken spring and still corrosion at both terminals?

Monday Blues

2010-08-16T13:59:00.001+08:00

Not only working people experience Monday blues.
Even me, a SAHM also experience Monday blues.
The house seems extra quiet, without Darren and hubby around.
I kind of miss the noise created by Darren,
and the help from hubby during the weekends.

I will miss them so much till I have no mood for anything.
I will miss them so much till I just wish to be with them every day, every hour, every minutes, every seconds.
Luckily I am taking care of Isabel full time myself,
or else, I will miss her like crazy too.

Do you have Monday blues too?

Original Burberry bag for SALE..

2010-08-13T23:59:00.007+08:00

Anyone interested in this Burberry bag? It is for SALE!

Condition of bag: Brand New with tag. Comes with dust bag & paper bag.

Description of bag:

Original & authentic Burberry Smoked Check coated canvas hobo bag with leather trim and a rolled leather handle with metallic buckles. A top zip closure.

* 90% PVC, 10% calf leather.

* 22cm x 37cm x 6cm

* Interior zip pocket and two patch pockets

* Dark nickel finish hardware

* Cotton twill lining

* Made in Italy

* Colour - Trench

* New design Spring/Summer 2010 Collection

Selling price : RM2,100

Leave a comment in the comment box if you are interested and I'll contact you ASAP!

Tag: Most versatile blogger.

2010-08-06T15:57:00.005+08:00

So sorry for this late post. It was tagged by Leona on my birthday 2 weeks back. Thanks for the award.

To accept this award you must:
1. List 7 random things about yourself
2. Share the award with up to 15 other bloggers
3. Link to each of the recipients and let them know they've won via comments on their blogs 4. Thank and bring the love back to the person you won the award from by linking back to them.

7 random things about me...

1. I am very home proud. I make sure my house is always neat and clean and comfortable. I cannot tolerate mess.
2. I don't have a lot of clothes, less than 5 pairs of shoes, 2 watches and 3 handbags. I go for quality and always use back the same item until it is all torn out and not presentable, only I'll get a new replacement.
3. I love simple living. I don't keep rubbish, ornaments. I de-clutter my house very often.
4. I love ballet. Unfortunately my parents never encourage me to proceed further when I was younger. I regretted stopping it. My dream is to become a ballerina.
5. I am afraid of all pets and animals. Don't let dogs or cats come near me. I will jump and scream.
6. I have a supportive, helpful and understanding in laws. I think I am lucky to have them.
7. I am a very emotional, sentimental and sensitive lady. I will cry when I watch a sad movie; I feel very heartache when seeing elderly people still need to work hard for a living; I always think back of the past and recall back memories (good or bad).

That's all I think....Not tagging anyone as I think most of you have already been tagged.

My 2010 Birthday..

2010-08-06T15:39:00.005+08:00

My birthday was like err..2 weeks ago..

This year I did not request anything special from hubby. I told him,

"I don't need anything BUT I want time out alone. It's that simple!!"

What I need is some ME time out shopping alone. To him, it is not simple..

Fortunately my in law was around. They were kind enough to help me to take care of my kids and yeah...I got my birthday wish granted.

I left the house around 10.30am. Hubby dropped me at Damansara Uptown while he proceeded to office. I had my own peaceful breakfast, then had my haircut at my regular hair saloon. I got plenty of time and the hair cut took me about 2 hrs.

At 1.30pm, hubby came and fetch me to 1U. We had lunch at one of the dunno what American cafe. I had lamb chop. Then, hubby went back to office while I shopped alone in 1U.

I thought I have a lot of time but after walking here and there.. it was already 4.30pm. Time flies..and yes...I called up my best friend to meet up for tea. So happened she was free, so we were supposed to meet up at 4.30pm. I have to delay the appointment as I have not finished my shopping yet.

Around 5pm, we met at Chocolate and had our tea there. We have a short chat but a good one. Hubby came and fetch me around 5.30pm and we headed home.

I bought some bras (yes..my nursing bras are very old and loose already) and pyjamas.

At night, we went to Bukit Tinggi Imperial Restaurant for chinese dinner together with my in laws and children. My mil was so understanding that she kept asking hubby to bring me out for dinner, without them. But we thought we should celebrate together instead.

No cake this year but I received this from hubby. He bought this from Bangkok airport.

I also received this from my best buddy - SL. Thanks!! She bought me 2 bars and I've opened one.

and also this from my 4th sis. Thanks sis!!

Though it was a simple one but I'm glad I have some ME time alone.

Online photo printing...

2010-07-27T01:19:00.003+08:00

Since the arrival of Isabel, I have been so busy and have no time to go out at all. I've took so many pictures for Isabel and Darren but did not have the chance to print it out. While I was pleading hubby to help me to send for developing (he was busy too), I suddenly recall eoe Online - a home grown Malaysian photo retail site that allow us to do online photo printing without stepping out of the comfort of our home.

I tried their service before and it was great. Read here for my previous review. The photo quality was good and the delivery was fast. Their photo express software is so easy to use too.

I immediately went to their website and they have "renovated" their website. They have added "Specials of the Month Product Shopping" and it does offer very good price for items like camera and LCD TV. Not only that, they are currently running an "Online print promotion" that to print 4R prints @ RM0.30 and 5R prints @ RM0.50. No min quantity required and free delivery for orders RM35 and above. What a good deal. Not only that, you can now share and store your photos with unlimited storage. Go and check it out....

Why wait? I am going to upload my photos after this and I don't need to depend on hubby anymore to get my photos printed.

Launching of "My secret garden" - a personal ranting blog.

2010-07-01T16:34:00.004+08:00

I think I have so much to rant lately.
I don't want to pollute this blog of mine.

Ahem...actually the truth is...
I know there are some people (friends, relatives) who know me personally is reading my blogs.
Certain things I don't want certain people to know...
So, I am going to create a blog,
with only invited readers.

Well, my blogger friends,
leave your email address in this comment box
and I'll add you into my invited reader list,
if you are interested in this blog of mine.

Bear in mind,
this blog is meant for me to rant
to rant about anything and everything under the sky.

p/s: Darling...if you so happened to read this..well i know you don't usually read my blog..but if I mean really if...I've added you into my reader list (your gmail account). I want you to know what I am not happy with and what I want to rant on that day, so that you know what to do to make me feel happy, ok????

I hate evening..

2010-06-29T16:49:00.002+08:00

I hate evening, especially reaching 6pm.
The road is getting busier, as everyone coming back from work.
You also can see people cycling, jogging along the road.
Parents bringing kids out to the playground.
It is such a beautiful evening,
seeing family doing things together.

Although so many cars passing by,
none was hubby's car.
When you see other men coming back from home,
my hubby will not reach home before the sky gets dark.

Kakak needs to cook,
I need to take care of baby.
The poor boy demand me to bring him to playground,
which I couldn't.
I can only distract him with the cartoon in the tv.

By this time, I am already tired.
How I long for hubby can arrive home early.
To spend time with us,
to bring the boy out to play.
But it is impossible.
Somehow I am feeling,
something is missing.

The days that I hate most finally arrive,
Hubby needs to go for outstation work the whole week.
This makes the evening worse.
As no matter how patiently u wait,
hubby will not be back for the night.

The night will seems more quiet.
The boy will look extra bored.
I felt even more empty.

Am I missing him that bad?
Or I just wish he can come back early to help up with the kids?
Maybe I just pity no one to play with Darren at such a beautiful evening.

It reminds me when I was young,
I was so looking forward for my dad to come home every evening,
he will play with us badminton,
we will wash the car together,
water the plants together.

I hate the evening that I have now...
I just wish hubby can come back early one day
not on the handphone or telling us how tired he is
just to spend a nice and meaningful evening with us..

I wish I can...

2010-06-24T16:51:00.003+08:00

- spend some time alone without worrying about Darren and Isabel.
- bake. I would like to make cupcakes and learn how to "icing" it.
- cook. Cook something more elaborate and special.
- sew. Feel like buying a sewing machine but the minute I touch needles, my hand will sweat. I want to sew a blanket for Darren, a dress for Isabel, a pouch bag for myself.
- spend time alone with Darren. I miss getting dirty with him, I miss doing things with him like going to the park, painting, playing water, playing sand, doing craft work, working on work book and reading with him.
- have time alone with hubby.
- go holiday with hubby and Darren.
- go holiday with my parents and sisters.
- have surprises.
- produce more milk for Isabel.
- go for shopping spree.
- have 30 hrs in a day (with 6 extra hrs doing my own thing without interruption and worries).

Am I too greedy? Feel that life is so bored nowadays. Everyday is just busy with Darren and Isabel. When I have the little free time, I rather close my eyes and have some peace.

I should be happy and contented. I have a supportive hubby and a pair of lovely kids. What else can I ask for? But somehow I feel something is missing...I don't know what...

Do you have this feelings before?

So quiet... Happy Father's Day!!

2010-06-20T20:40:00.002+08:00

My 3rd sis family came down from singapore last Thursday.
My eldest sis family came down with my parents last Friday.
They all stayed at my place.
My nanny and family came and visit us on Friday evening too.
We have a ho-ha sessions for 3 days.
My eldest sis family and my parents left this afternoon.
My 3rd sis family left this evening.
Now the house is so quiet and even darren felt the emptiness.
He has been cranky and he is quiet too.

This gathering was great.
Unlike the previous ones, only shopping and shopping.
This time round, we spent quite a lot of time at home.
We spent a lot of time with each other.

For Father's Day celebraion,
we had a 4 hours karaoke session at Green Box in Bukit Tinggi.
Dad was happy, although initially he objected the idea due to the cost.
Dad and mom, 4 daughters, 6 grandchildren,
we had a great time singing and "dancing".
Never know eldest sis was so crazy.
Dad sang, mom sang..I sang..everyone sang...
It was just so happy and fun.
Guess we should organise this more frequent.

Start to miss them.
Hard to get back to my routine.
Hubby was great.
Help to take care of Isabel at home.
I brought Darren out.
He has fun singing too.

Now, Darren is watching Mr Bean in you tube using my laptop,
I'm blogging using hubby's laptop.
Hubby is cooking maggie mee for dinner.
We didn't know what to eat and it's already late.
Maid is carrying Isabel, making her sleep.

Happy Father's day to you, hubby!
Happy Father's day to you, dad!
happy Father's day to all the fathers out there...

Latest Updates about Isabel

2010-05-18T19:18:00.002+08:00

We bought the spring cot (sarong) last Saturday. Although it's easier to make her fall asleep, she still cannot sleep soundly. We have to constantly rock her, or else, she'll make noise and wake up again.

The sarong does not work during the difficult hours too. She'll still scream and scream.

My nanny told me that she cannot take it anymore. She cannot even stand until this Sunday (her last day). She requested to go off earlier coz she already not feeling well - dizzy and started sore throat soon. Even with the sarong, she cannot sleep well and indirectly the caretaker also cannot sleep too.

I have tried all methods to make her sleep better..tummy down, next to me, bouncing net till sarong...she just could not sleep soundly for more than 15 mins. Most probably half an hour. She'll make noise every 15 mins, if we don't pat/rock her, her hands and legs will start to move and slowly she'll wake up and started crying. So, it is very challenging taking care of her.

My nanny has a day off (1 day 1 night) once a week and she only take care of Isabel, do nothing else. Somemore I help to take care from 9pm to 3am most of the nights, so that she can have an uninterrupted sleep. She also cannot take it. What make me able to take it while I still have to take care of Darren and the household too. Moreover hubby has beELY busy lately and required to travel very often. I don't think i'll have all the privilages that she has by then....sigh.....

Isabel...isabel...when and how you will sleep well? Maybe I should add an auto-rock motor to the sarong....

Some latest photos of our princess Isabel...

Can you tell me what to do?

2010-05-07T09:52:00.003+08:00

Isabel, mommy is very tired and stressed..
You are not only a colicky baby, you are such a light sleeper and attention seeker too.
You never sleep soundly for more than half an hour.
You constantly required people to carry you.
In our arm, you sleep like an angel...
Once we put you down, your sleep will be disturbed and cried to be carried again.
You were once in mommy's arm for more than 6 hours.
Every night during your colicky hour, you are in mommy's arm for at least 3 hours.

People who has taken care of you,
the confinement nanny, this temporary nanny and your mommy myself,
has been deprived from sleep terribly.
We need to be constantly by your side because you are just so restless MOST OF THE TIME.
The confinement lady has been complaining about you being such a cry baby at night;
The current temporary nanny asked mommy not to employ her for another month because she could not take it anymore..
How about mommy? Do I have a choice?

Poh Poh, nanny and many other people suggested mommy to use sarong
but mommy knows grandma is opposing the idea.
Even mommy didn't want you to sleep in sarong,
but can you tell mommy, how to make you sleep better?

Mommy is so tired and stressed..
Mommy's milk has dropped..
Taking care of you is a full time job,
mommy could not find time to pump.
Because of this,
mommy find breastfeeding even harder.
Because every time you cry, mommy doesn't know you are crying for milk or wanting to be carried. You confuse mommy most of the time.

Many times mommy wanted to give up,
but mommy still trying hard
struggling to give you the best.
But mommy really doesn't know when will I reach the breaking point,
that I cannot provide you the best anymore.

Mommy wanted you to be on full breast milk,
you may ended up with formula milk;
Mommy didn't want you to suck on pacifier,
you are already taking one (good news is you don't seems to like it that much);
Mommy didn't want to get you a sarong (despite all the sleepless nights we have),
you MAY end up sleeping in it one day (the last resort mommy can think of to make everyone's life easier).

IF...only IF sarong is the solution,
Do you think I should get it?
WHAT IF..WHAT IF...sarong still could not solve the problem..
What will be the solution next?

Mommy just want you to be a happy and contented baby.
So that mommy can be one happy mom too.
Then, mommy can concentrate on breastfeeding issue.
You will have more breast milk and better rest....

Note: Mommy feels very guilty to tell you that mommy sees you cry more than you smile. Mommy should be enjoying the moments with you but every time mommy sees you, mommy is so afraid that you are in your demanding spell again. I think I have developed a phobia in taking care of you because it is just so difficult to satisfy you, baby.

Can anyone of you tell me what to do?

Where to find time? How to manage?

2010-04-30T17:00:00.003+08:00

When I spend time with Darren, I have no time for Isabel.
When I spend time with Isabel, I have no time for Darren.
After spending so much time with Darren and Isabel, I have no time for myself...
Hubby? Don't need to mention...he has no time for me too...

When I want to play with Darren, I realise it's time to pump milk.
When I want to play with Isabel, I realise it's her sleeping time.
When I want to surf or spend some time on my own, I realise it's already meal time.
When I want to bathe, Darren is pleading me to play with him.
When I want to breastfeed Isabel direct, I realise she has just had her feed or I have just pumped out my milk.

Before I realise, it's already night time...
Before I realise, Isabel's colicky hour has started..
Before I realise, nanny already passing Isabel to me coz she failed to pacify her...
Before I realise, it's already 2.30am...
Before I realise....I've dozed into my dreamland after pumping milk with half eyes closed...and the day has ended....

I still couldn't get my routine right..
I still couldn't get my routine fix....
I find it so hard to cope...
with a demanding and active toddler
and a hard to sleep, colicky and always wanted to be carried and rocked baby
and me trying to pump my milk at least 3 times a day (target 4 times)
and even trying to slot in time to direct breastfeed Isabel (always couldn't make it coz at the wrong time)
and so much..so much more household things to manage (marketing, getting things fixed)
and taking care of myself at the same time.....

I just find it so hard, even with helper around. I really don't know why...
How do you manage??

Thank you to all my blogger friends

2010-04-23T18:09:00.002+08:00

I have to dedicate my sincere thanks to all my blog readers who is willing to leave comments on my blog, despite me not leaving any footprints on your blog. Your support and advise are really important to me, especially at this stage.

I have to especially thank Raynies and Lynette here for providing me the priceless advise and support on breastfeeding issue. I really appreciate your extra effort in reaching me at this point in time.

Thank you gals!!!!

I also like to remind myself how lucky am I to have a loving and supportive family.

- My mil stayed with me for my whole confinement month to help take care of Darren.
- My parents and eldest sis have been calling me everyday to find out how am I and the girl doing. My parents are especially worried about my well-being. They worried I don't eat well and rest. My sister also become the middle person to advise me on something and give me support.
- My 4 sis has been helping me to do marketing and buy things. Today I call her for something, tomorrow she will deliver it to me. She has been helping me so much when I am home bound.

I would like to post the "Don't Quit" poem here to remind myself not to give up no matter how tough life seems to be. With all the love and support I have, we will get through it soon.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Emotional Roller Coaster

2010-04-23T18:08:00.000+08:00

I've been on emotional roller coaster for the past 1 week. It is all due to..

My difficult baby.
-------------------
She can sleep well during the day but not during the night. She has her difficult hours during night time (maybe due to colic) and nothing can pacify her. Even after the difficult hours, she will not sleep well. She will make noise as long you put her down and you need to carry her up again. Basically you will not able to get your sleep or rest taking care of her at night. Her sleep is very interuppted. Some said she is still taking the day as night, night as day. I wonder when she will change and adpat to our time zone. Everytime when she cry, I feel so heartache and feel so helpless when I fail to calm her down. Now I have phobia when come to night time.

She wanted to be carried most of the time and taking me as pacifier too. She can suck on me whole night and fall back to sleep.

My breastfeeding Journey.
--------------------------
I am still fail to b/f her exclusively. My family said her needs to suck and wanted to be carried are due to my b/f. They suggested I pump and feed, at least we know how much she is taking. Also, it will make her less attached to me. I'm doing this now. I pump 3-4 times a day, ranging from 1.5 oz to 4.5 oz per pump. Total yield a day approx only 9oz. Sigh!! When I am tired and down, my milk supply will drop too.

I don't know what I want..I just find it very difficult to b/f her. She always fail to empty my breast. I find that she takes me more as her pacifier than a feeding machine. I started to hate the feeling of breastfeeding. But I still want to continue. I don't know what my mind is thinking and what my heart wanted to do.When I am feeling high, I'm full of hope; when I am feeling low, I feel like giving up.

My stay in nanny
-----------------
I really wish to take care of her all by my own. But her difficulty make it so difficult. When I don';t see her for a few hours, I feel like I have not seen her for ages. I just miss her so much. I even miss sleeping with her. But if I am doing all the job, what is the point of me engaging her. Well, she is really helpful during the night. At least I can get some rest but somehow I feel that I don't really need her. I am just confused....this arrangement is really not what I wanted...

My Busy hubby
--------------
He is just so busy lately. Travelling so often. How I wish he can offer his help, then I will not need a nanny. But I know, he has to work during the day. He needs his sleep. I can't depend on him. But I just need him so much.....

My own high expectation
-----------------------
I wanted to be the perfect mother. I'm expecting the bb to be the perfect bb. This is the worse....

- I insist breastfeeding, even though personally I don't really enjoy the process and gave me so much headache. I get so stress up about it but still refuse to give up. It is all because I wanted to do it. We know this is the best thing to give to the baby. I don't believe I cannot do it. I hate it when I have to give her formula.

- I don't encourage pacifier and sarong. With such difficult baby, many suggested me to give pacifier and sarong. I gave up on pacifier. It does really help, especially when I am not the one who take care of her now since other people cannot offer their breast. With me, I will definitely give my breast to her. Everytime I see her on pacifier, I just feel very uneasy. I don't like to see her with pacifier. Sarong...I still insist no sarong, no matter how difficult she is. I rather to carry her, I will not put her in sarong.

All the above causes so much emotional up and down. My family is really worried my state of mind now. I am getting too tensed up and just could not relax. I don't eat well and rest well because the above issues are always in my mind. I need to let go. I need to take things easier and I should not expect so much. But, somehow I couldn't......I am making myself stress up for no reason.

I just hope...my bb will get over the difficult period and I don't need my nanny. I hope I can established my milk supply soon and get over my blue period....

After confinement..

2010-04-23T15:25:00.002+08:00

1 week after confinement...so many things has happened...

After the confinement lady left 1 day after bb's full moon on 11 April, I took care of bb full time. My confinement lady was not good at all, she did not take good care of bb. I can't wait for this day to come so that I can compensate back to my bb. I have confidence in taking care of bb full time and have planned to try b/f bb full time.

First and second day
---------------------
We are doing ok except bb seems colicky at night from 11pm++ to 2am++. I need hubby's help to carry and swing bb, or else, she'll just scream and cry. Nothing could pacify her. After 3am, I will take full care of her, feeding her and making her sleep. But she couldn't sleep well at night. The minute you put her down on the cot, she will wake up and I've to start all over again. Basically I could not sleep the whole night but to carry her and put her down the cot..it goes on and on until wee morning.

Third day
----------
Brought her see pead and confirmed she is colicky. My family started to advise me to engage a temporary nanny to help me coz it is not easy taking care of a colicky baby middle of the night. I cannot depend on hubby coz he needs his sleep and he needs to travel outstation frequently.

But I was still considering coz I believe I can do it. Day time no problem and I managed to steal some time sleeping during the morning (when Darren went to school) and during Darren's nap time. We nap together.

I b/f exclusively during the day and feed formula at night. But her day time no routine, sometimes she can sleep past her feeding time, but sometimes she will cry every 15 mins. I bottled feed her EBM around 2pm, so that we can nap together longer.

I thought this arrangement is perfect but it only lasted 2 days.

Forth and fifth day
----------------------
The colicky hour seems disappear after taking the colic drops prescribed by the pead. But it was replaced with bb requested to be carried and walked and sometimes swing, in order to fall asleep. We have to carry her ALL THE TIME because the minute we put her down, she will open her eyes and requested to be carried again.

First day started from 2am to 5am. I carried and walked her throughout the 3 hrs. After the that, she seems better but still wake up frequently requiring attention. I get so tired until I have to put her on my bed and let her suck on my breast in the lying down position until 11am+. This was the best time coz I can get some sleep and bb never fuss. She will just suck and sleep..helping herself with my breast while I was lying next to her. This is the only time i can get some rest.

Second day was worse. It started from 2am to 7am. I couldn't take it and hubby get to help me around 5am. I was just exhausted. Until 7am, I put her on bed again and let her suck on my breast till 11am. Not only this, she started wanted to be carried during the DAY too. So basically, I have no rest at all during the day time and couldn't take my nap.

I am getting exhausted and totally deprived from sleep. I did not even have breakfast most of the day. I have decided to engage a temp nanny.

Sixth to Eighty day
--------------------
My family came down and my mother helped me up with the bb. She took care of bb during the day and I took my rest. It was a relief. I felt so blessed to see how much my family cared about me and the baby. They are just so concern about my well being and kept reminding me that my health is very important. My mom brought down so many things to cook and boil for me. My dad kept emphasising that I have to eat and rest well. My sisters become the middle person and counselor, asked me to relax and take good care of myself.

Ninth day
----------
Temp nanny arrived...I was very emotional because I don't want to pass the bb to someone else to take care. The feeling is like I am going to sell the bb to someone else...i even cried and feel so scared after knowing she is on the way to my house. I know it sounded crazy but it was really emotional.

If it is not because of her difficulty during night time, I definitely do not want a nanny. I just love my bb too much.

Tenth day till today
-----------------------
Today is the 3rd day my nanny is here. Day time bb is ok. I've introduced her pacifier. So, there is nothing much during the day. But night time is still as difficult. The nanny still fail to pacify her during the difficult hours. So I take care of her from 11 till 2.30am (the difficult hrs). At least I can offer her my breast to comfort her. I'll then pass to the nanny after that. Both of us at least get some rest.

My breastfeeding journey....

2010-04-06T18:50:00.002+08:00

p/s: this is gonna be a negative post....

I don't know what I am getting myself into. I am a breastfeeding advocate. I always wish I can b/f my babies but I failed totally with Darren. I never prepared myself coz I thought b/f is such a natural act that anyone can just do it but how wrong was I. I even cried when I saw the CL bottled feed Darren on my first day home. Slowly I went into depression after knowing I couldn't b/f Darren.

Isabel came along. I prepared myself as much as I can. I bought a good electronic pump, I bough half dozen of milk tea to increase my milk supply. I drink papaya soup. I apply nipple cream every night to protect my nipples. Isabel is such a cooperate baby. She can latch on well and unlike Darren, her suction is not too strong.

Although she has been on mixed feedings since day 1 till now, we are progressing very well. From about 10% of breast milk she was taking a day, I think she is now taking 50% breast milk and 50% formula. I pumped about 3 to 4 times a day, morning can produce up to 90ml, the rest ranging from 30ml to 75ml per pump. Other than that, she also suck directly from me whenever she needs, then only top up with EBM or formula. She is taking much more breast milk than Darren. It is such a good news isn't it? But why I said..this is gonna be a negative post....

Coz...I started to feel lost and slowly feel that I am not able to continue doing it after my confinement ended.

I tried taking care of Isabel 2 nights before. Basically I couldn't sleep for the 2 nights. Why??? For the whole night, I was just busy b/f her direct till she fell asleep, put her down, found out she has pooed, changed her diaper, woke her up, she wasn't happy and kept crying, then I had to let her latched on to go back to sleep. Then fell asleep, put her down, less than 30 mins, she cried again for more milk, latched her on again on another breast, put her down, found out she has pooed again..changed her...and the cycle go on and on...... for the whole night, it was b/f and changing her pooed (she pooed 4 times in 2-3 hrs time till I thought she has diarrhea but it wasn't). Hubby and I were so tired... Then whenever she sleeps, she tends to make some noise whenever she farts, stretches... I even failed to bottle feed her coz she just wanted my breast. But every time she latch on, she fell asleep after 10 mins. I couldn't even wake her up. After putting her down, she wakes up for milk again.

I just feel so tired...so tired till after the 2nd night. I gave up. I passed her back to C/L. Due to the frequent latching on, I basically have no time and energy to pump too. I can't imagine how things will be like after the CL and my mil have left after this weekend. I have to handle Darren and with no good sleep at night and day, how can I have the patience to deal with 1 active toddler and 1 baby?

Honestly I feel like I am such a failure. Why other mothers can do I while I just can't? Why other mothers can take the stress and I can't? I feel that I am just so fragile and frequently questioned my own capability.

I am very scared...I am very scared that I will just give up b/f because of this. We have been progressing very well and I really do not want to give it up just like that BUT I am just feeling so tired.....just so so tired....

This 2 days, I even avoid getting near my baby. How bad I am...I have a fear...I couldn't face her...I am avoiding the reality. I just want to rest and have my own time before the night mares begin after my CL and mil left. Hubby even needs to go outstation and I have to manage Darren and Isabel at night alone. How am I going to do that?

I just feel so sorry for her and she is such an angel. She knows I wanted to b/f her and she gave me all the co-operation but how bad this mommy is to think of stopping her from b/f...what am I thinking and doing?????? I am such a bad mommy......

I need advise...I need support..I need inspiration....I need help..

Advise needed - Breastfeeding in confinement month

2010-03-29T14:32:00.002+08:00

Advise advise needed on this....

I realised those who successfully breastfeed their baby exclusively are those that without a confinement lady during the confinement month. They are the one who take care of the baby day and night, thus, easier to implement breastfeeding exclusively.

Those who fail to breastfeed exclusively or required mixed feeding are those who engaged a confinement lady. The confinement lady sleeps with the baby at night, the mother sleeps in separate room, thus the baby will be fed on formula at night.

Am I right? But I would like those who has successfully breastfeed exclusively and have a confinement lady to stand up here and share with me your stories on how to do you that.....

See....why I engaged a confinement lady?
So that I can have enough rest, someone to take care of the baby and myself during the confinement month. Chinese believed that the confinement month is very important as if you take care of your body well, you will have a good health in your later life. Or else, you will start to suffer (may not be now) but definitely at a later stage of your life. I believe in it.

But if I have my rest, how am I going to b/f the baby exclusively? Baby needs to take in milk every 2 to 3 hrs, provided the baby has no problem in latching on and I have no problem in providing them sufficient milk for their each intake. If not, the baby will probably wake up every hour crying for milk coz they are hungry.

Also, baby may not sleep immediately after milk. The mother needs to have her meal time, bathing time and family time..also have to entertain the elder one if this is their subsequent baby. Minus all those time, what time does the mother has to rest and recuperate?

So, I have a question here...

How can the mother has both rest and able to breastfeed the baby exclusively?

I know many will say, sleep when the baby sleep to catch up on lost sleep but as mentioned above, it is not always not simple.

I have problem juggling that. I need my rest and also wish to b/f baby exclusively. I think I've failed on the 2nd mission...I am now pumping 3 times a day and try to let her latch on as and when she needed during the day. I slept through the night. So overall, out of probably 8 feeds my girl has, she is only taking in 3 meals of my breast milk while the rest are still on formula.

I feel like such a failure in providing her the best.

2 more weeks my confinement lady will leave. I wish I can b/f exclusively by then coz I will have to take care of her full time from then.

Do you think I can establish my milk supply after 1 month?

Will she has nipple confusion by then coz she has been fed with bottle during her first month? (I think she is having it now coz she failed to empty my breast even though i still have milk and she will fuss during feeding time.)

Will she able to accept my breast fully after 1 month of bottle feeding?

Sigh.....honestly i don't have much hope...but i still hope someone out there can shine some light on me and tell me that I can.......

Problems during Confinement

2010-03-25T11:18:00.003+08:00

I hate confinement month. Why?

The first few days after baby was born, I felt elated coz I got to finally see the baby and there are so many wishes coming to us. I get all the attention I have from hubby.

After discharged from hospital, the first few days are still ok coz I got to eat nice and delicious confinement food. Hubby still around to pay attention to us. We are still trying hard to practice our breastfeeding skills. There are still hope.

After 1 week of confinement, I started to feel lousy coz I started to feel bored of the daily red dates water and ginger wine food. Hubby started to go back to work, busier than ever. I started to feel dirty and itchy everywhere, begging to let me bathe and wash hair. Baby started to cry for no reason and requested to be carried often.

Around 10 days of confinement, I started to feel down. I hate the feeling of engorged breast and sore nipple. I also hate the milk leaking from my breast. I feel tired trying to direct breastfeed her whenever she needs her feeds and pump at least 3 times a day. My main job is to produce milk but my milk supply is still not sufficient for her despite all the milk tea and papaya soup I am taking and pumping frequently. She still needs to top up with formula milk. I feel that she is taking my breast milk as her appetizer and desserts, formula milk as main course. I wonder how am I going to meet her demand when her intake of milk is increasing while my milk supply is stagnant at 50ml per pump.

I feel tired, I feel depressed..I feel like giving up...But hubby said I am doing a great job. I have tried my best..even if I don't have enough milk for her, at least she is taking more than what Darren had the last time. I just need to do my best and don't think too much. Well, it is always easier to said than done.

I also feel helpless now as I am not very happy with my confinement lady in handling my girl. She is overall ok but just that a bit rough when come to handling baby. She also has hygiene problem. I rather let my maid handle the bottles coz I caught her using hot water to rinse the bottle instead of sterialising them. I've told her many times but still repeat the mistake. She is good in her cooking but not so in handling baby. I wish if I could....I would rather take care of the girl myself but I have my wound to take care of.

Every time I looked at my girl, I feel that I am not giving her the best - the best milk, the best care that I can. Even the daddy has no time for her. I just feel so bad for her.

Luckily Darren still has his grandma around, he is still coping well. Or else I'll have another headache.

I know part of me feeling down is due to the hormones but I just couldn't lift myself up. That's why I feel so helpless and I just hate the confinement month.

oppss..time for feed again....she doesn't let me complain anymore. ....got to go....

Let's present Princess Isabel...

2010-03-19T09:48:00.009+08:00

Princess Isabel finally arrived on the morning of 13 March 2010, weighing 2.93kg, length 47cm.
She has a tiny girly voice, fair and rosy cheek.
Her fingers are like mommy, long and sharp.
She is just so tiny compared to her brother 4 years ago.

She is less aggressive in sucking.
But she has improved a lot lately and suck pretty well now.
Unfortunately mommy still does not have enough milk for her, so she is on mixed feeding now.
Also doctor said since I was having gestational diabetic, we cannot afford to starve her. The drop in sugar level will cause her distress.

She is just so cute and adorable.
We all love her to bits, especially her brother.

Welcome to the family, Princess Isabel.

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3 (first day at home)

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

Down...down ...down....

2010-03-09T17:03:00.002+08:00

I am feeling very down at the moment. Hope it is just due to hormones.

My maid did not get better today and I brought her to see doctor this morning. Get antibiotic for her, just need her to recover FAST.

As expected, Darren is finally down with running nose. Mucous flowing down and sneezing. Went to see his class teacher today to inform him that don't let Darren mix with any sick child this week as I cannot afford to have him sick.

With me taking care of Darren full time (my maid is resting all the time in her room), I think I have caught some of his bugs coz my nose started to feel itchy.

I really feel like crying. Hubby is in the presentation. Although I've sms him the current situation, he has yet got time to reply me. Anyway, he can't help me much too as he has his work to run.

I've been carrying my big stomach running around a lot today..sending Darren to school, buy breakfast, settle the baby's room, sent my maid to the clinic (which I hate I have to go into the clinic with her, so many sick people inside), went to ta pau lunch, bathed the boy, fed the boy (refuse to eat lunch), played with him...napped with him a while, now I got to entertain him AGAIN...not cooking dinner tonight as I want my maid to have FULL rest.

I start to feel self pity...feel like crying....I am just so worried that I will fall sick. I am pumping myself with Vit C too. How am I not got infected when Darren's mucous is everywhere and he is sneezing IN FRONT of me. I tried cover my nose when he sneezed.

I am worried...I am down....I feel helpless...

Arrgghhh.....

2010-03-08T22:36:00.002+08:00

While I thought I can relax and enjoy myself for the last few days before the bb is out, it turned out to be the busiest day today. Why? Coz my helper is down with sore throat, headache (hope no fever) and running nose today.

During her 3.5 yrs stay with me, she never fall sick. Of all days, she chose to fall sick on this week. I still have things that she needs to help me to do...and worse is...I have to take care of Darren myself, including bathing, feeding and playing with him.

Maybe i have been running/squatting/sitting on the floor - meeting my little boss's demand so much till my contractions have been very frequent and intense towards the evening. I think the baby inside is protesting....to make the situation worse, hubby is outstation. Arrgghhh................

So, i kept pumping my maid with Vit C and Apple Cider Vinegar (to cure sore throat) and also panadols. I get her to rest as much as she can and stayed in the room. I don't want her to pass the virus around and also to recover fast. I can't afford anyone falling sick when the day arrives.

What top up my worries is...Darren started sneezing today - 8 times and just now I heard one cough from him while he was sleeping. I have a feeling that he will be down with running nose. So, I am pumping him with Vit C and apply Vicks for him before he sleeps.

Hubby is extremely busy. Due to his hectic schedule, he claimed that he is very tired. He has a few presentations in a row and today he woke up 5am and flew to Penang and will be back only past midnight. I am worried that he will fall sick too, with the bad weather and lack of rest.

Please....please....please don't let anyone falling sick at this moment....I need everyone to be healthy and especially myself...I cannot fall sick with the baby coming out and the operation. Shit, my nose started to feel itchy.....

I am really worried....

One more week

2010-03-06T01:58:00.003+08:00

Exactly one more week....
I'll be lying down on the OT room and waiting for the bb to be out.

Honestly I am feeling a bit down and heavy hearted.
I feel that I am not ready for that day to come.
The nearer it is, the more worries I have.

I am worried I'll have baby blues again this time.
I am worried I'll have problem breastfeeding the baby again.
I am worried I can't take the pain again as my pain threshold is very low.
I am worried I can't handle the emotional stress that comes from the post surgery effect.

I don't know how am I going to take care of Darren during my recovery period.
I can't rely totally on my maid to take care of him.
Although we plan to get a transporter to send him to/fro from school, but I am pretty sure he will miss the morning session coz the transporter is coming at 7.45am - too early for him.
I am worried for his safety when he is following the transporter back.

Will I still have time for Darren after the baby is out?
If he is sick, I will focus on taking care of the baby and hubby will in charge of him....but I just want to be with him if he is sick.
I feel very bad if I have to neglect him after the baby is out.
Will I be able to resume the activities I used to do together with him after the baby is out?

I am a person who hates changes.
Maybe I am a cancerean, I prefer stable and steady life.
I am not a person who can cope with changes well.
I am afraid i'll not be able to cope with this changes again.
(I have post natal blues during my last pregnancy because of changes and problem breastfeeding.)

Changes includes,
no good night sleep,
no more free time,
no more Me time,
no more quality time with Darren.

Actually our life has just got better since Darren has grown more independent and started school.
Now, I'll be tied down again by the little baby.
How am I going to do marketing with the baby around?
How am I going to bring Darren out with the baby around?
How am I going to handle 1 baby and 1 preschooler, with myself still have enough rest and personal time?

We never leave the maid with the kid alone.
So, how am I going to handle when I have to fetch Darren to and from school?
Bringing the baby along?
Or I have to really leave her with my maid at home?
We don't depend on maid a lot on taking care of the kids.
So, what to do when baby want to sleep and Darren want to play?
Or when Darren needs his nap and baby is awake?

So much changes and adaption we have to make....
I am just afraid i cannot cope....

Please...give me strength....
I think I am thinking too much....
Maybe just let it be and things will turn out as it would be when it comes...

2 more weeks...

2010-02-25T00:32:00.003+08:00

Time flies....I only have 2 more weeks to go before I pop. I need more time, I want to relax a bit first before the 2nd one arrive. But do I have a choice???

I have been very productive since the beginning of the year. I have made a to do list at the end of last year and I am glad to say that I completed most of them by now. With the cancellation of AOD and Darren going to school in the morning, I am glad I have time to complete my work during those hours. Let's see what was on my to do list and what else have I not completed....

1. Darren's yearly calendar. - Completed on the first week of Jan.
2. Compile Darren's 2-3 years old photos. - Completed on the 2nd week of Jan.
3. Print out Darren's photos. - Completed and get it done using photobook by 3rd week of Jan.
4. Complete company accounts and prepare for audit - Completed by 1st week of February.
5. Print out Darren's blog and get ready for binding - Finished printing by 1st week of Feb and binding done by today.
6. Spring clean and rearranging the house. - 3/4 completed before CNY. 1/4 completed after first week of CNY.
- Give away/ throw away unwanted stuffs.
- Clear storeroom.
- Clear study room.
- Clear upper cabinet above my wardrobe.
- Shift study room to upstairs living hall.
- Make guest room to baby's room.
- Shift my maid down to study room.
- Make maid's room to guest room.
- Clear Darren's toy and create a play area for him. Allocate some space for baby in the hall. - this was completed on the 5th day of CNY.
7. Sort out baby's stuffs and moved to baby's room. - completed before CNY.
8. Purchased chest drawer for baby's room - completed before CNY.
9. Washed all baby's clothing. - completed by today.
10. Go tesco and buy groceries to sustain for few months. - completed on the 7th day of CNY.
11. Meet confinement lady - completed on the 7th day of CNY.
12. Get ready herbs and food for confinement - herbs purchased on the 7th day of CNY. But dried food still not yet.
13. Send out all enfagrow tin foil. - completed by today.
14. Send out Darren's photo to playhouse disney birthday book. - completed by today.
15. Put up baby's stuff and get ready the baby's room - not completed. Will get it done on the last week before I pop.
16. Sun the mattress and playpan. - not completed. No sun this few days.
17. Renew my safety deposit box. - not completed. Plan to do it by tomorrow.
18. Help maid to tt money back home. - not completed. Plan to do it by tomorrow.
19. Check the kitchen and took down whatever gadgets/foods needed for confinement. - not completed. Do it on the last week before I pop.
20. Get ready hospital bag. - not completed. Plan to do it this weekend.

Can't think of any now...but guess it was a good long list. I was happy that I was able to complete most of it before CNY on my own. We have done so many purchases and costs us so much even before the baby is out.

I really hope that by preparing myself for all these, I won't get post natal depression after I delivered. I tried to get most things done, so i don't need to worry so much after I pop.

One final thing that I wanted to do before I pop is.......just lie down, doing nothing and enjoy what I have completed...without having any worries not what have not done - IN PEACE. I hope Darren won't fall sick so frequent, especially on the week before and after I pop. I also want to have a good western meal with only hubby and Darren before I pop.

2 more weeks...counting down...am I ready??? I think I am not......

Week 32 & 34 Pregnancy Checkup!

2010-02-17T21:26:00.002+08:00

Week 32 pregnancy checkup.
---------------------------

Weight: 63kg++
Baby's weight: approx 1.7 -1.8kg

Did a blood test. Doctor is happy with my sugar level control after reading my records. So, I don't need to go through the sugar level test. The baby's head is down already (while I thought the baby's head is still up). Doctor confirmed about the sex of the baby again by showing us her "private" area.

Main issue on this visit - doctor asked whether we are considering natural birth of planned c-section for this pregnancy. I asked for his advice and he repeated the risk of the wound in the womb bursting again to me. Also, after analysing the reason why I had a c-section the previous pregnancy, he feels that I might face the same problem again this time. (His reason was Darren's head could not engaged into my pelvic area, hence no labour pain for me. This could be due to my pelvic is too small for the baby or the position of my pelvic is not at the right position). He asked us to consider and if we want a planned c-section, we can informed him about the chosen date. If we go for planned c-section, he suggested we do it 2 weeks before the due date - which recommended on the 9th March... (I was shocked after hearing the date coz I am not ready yet...it's too early for me. My initial EDD is 23 March). Reason is I won't go for sudden labour and disturb the c-section plan.

After the visit, hubby and I have discussed...and the final decision is to go for planned C-section. Reasons:

1. Hubby strongly agrees on C-section because he feels that it is safer for the baby and myself. No uncertainties.
2. He feels that it is a win-win situation for everyone - no need to go through labour pain for me; baby comes out easily; doctor in charge of everything; most important (I think), he doesn't need to see me suffer and screaming and biting his hands...hahahaha....
3. We can select the date and he can plan his office work and outstation trips properly. (hubby will be very busy after CNY onwards.)
4. We are not giving birth to many babies, so C-section is fine.
5. Most important, based on what the doctor said, it seems like a plan C-section is safer and better than a natural birth for me.

So, we went back, called the master and he gave us 3 dates to select. Based on the 3 dates, hubby did a study and decide on the 2nd date - which falls on a Saturday 13 March.

Week 34 Pregnancy Checkup
-----------------------------
Date: 12 February 2010
Weight: 63.8kg
Baby's weight: 2.1kg

Blood test result showed everything is fine. Baby's head is still down and low already. Good sign!! Informed doctor about the date we chosen and he is fine with it. So, we are going for 13 March. Wow....only 1 more month...i am getting panic and excited too. Honestly, everything is not ready yet. Really need to speed things up.

Nothing much about this visit.....and doctor said I still can travel..so we are going back to Melaka for CNY after this visit.

Wedding Anniversary Present

2010-02-08T16:56:00.004+08:00

I never expect anything from hubby actually on the day. We are all busy and myself did not get anything for him too (although I wish I'll have something). But he has done his part very well on that day by...

1. Wished me Happy Anniversary before 12am on the eve when I went to bed. He said in case I have slept when it strike 12am. So, he is the first one who sent out the wishes.

2. Wished me 2nd time Happy Anniversary when he went to bed after 12am. I have not slept by that time.

3. He called me the actual day at 10am to wish me again the 3rd time.

Of all the above, he wished me first before I wished him.

That day, he came back extra early, around 5pm. We went out for dinner. We went to Daorae Korean restaurant in Puchong - my choice. I had a great dinner there, never enjoyed so much before even though this is my 3rd/4th time there.

When I went to the washroom to wash my hands after the dinner, he get Darren to present me a present...I was surprised....

When I received it, I know I'll like it..coz the card printed from Poh Kong...somehow I am wishing for jewellery this year..such a coincident...

When I opened it, this is what I get....

A very lovely chain and pendant. The pendent signified our 8th year anniversary. I never realised hubby has put so much thought into it and get me something so meaningful. I am really touched.

Bad me, I did not get anything for him...

He told me he dare not get me any electronic stuffs anymore coz it'll sure go to Darren at the end of the day. I told him, you have learnt..and I have learnt too..I learnt not to get you anything coz I know as long as I am happy, you are happy too, right? So, being happy is the best present for him...hahahaha......

Honestly, I really love the present very much....

Thank you, Darling!! I love you...*muaks*..(dai sek)

Happy 8th Wedding Anniversary!!

2010-02-02T10:08:00.006+08:00

Dedicated to my DH,

Today is our 8th years wedding anniversary. I felt that our love has grown deeper and deeper throughout this 8 years.

This 8 years didn't come easy. We quarreled, we patched back; Each conflict we had made us understand each other better. Our marriage has grown stronger each day, especially with the addition of Darren and another new addition joining us 6 weeks later. A family of 4, nothing can break us apart. I love all of you to bits.

Darling, you are just so important to me. You are my everything! On this day, I want to repeat this again that.....I never regret marrying you. You gave me the best and I'm sure our future will be as colourful as rainbow, as bright as sunshine. Our home will fill with laughter and we will live blissfully forever.

I love you, darling!!

I have enough of it....

2010-01-31T11:30:00.002+08:00

I tried to control my frustration
I have enough of all the non sense
Don't tell me what is no good no good
Tell me what to do instead

I tried to figure a way for you
You simply entertain me by agreeing with me
When I actually get so excited and started doing it
You said...actually we don't need all these

Fine ...fine...I am not getting anything done
You are not helping
You are making me more frustrated and irritated
I wish I can do all things by myself
and make all decisions by myself

I have so much to be done
to be completed before the baby is out
but you are not taking it with urgency
I can feel you have no heart to do it

I am trying to maintain calm
I am trying not to show my frustration
But not until just now
I really have enough of those

I am not doing anything now
I am going to channel all my energy in office work
Just finish my office work first
and I'll settle the rest slowly BY MYSELF

From getting very excited
to feeling so exhausted and frustrated
I am just feeling so tired.

My OWN pregnancy portrait...

2010-01-20T11:31:00.007+08:00

I was looking at some pregnancy portrait the night before
I envy those women who looked so great during their pregnancy
Knowing myself not as beautiful as them,
it will be just a waste of money to pay for those pregnancy portrait.

But I also wish to capture this moment in my life
As this might be my last pregnancy
I have missed out this chance during my last pregnancy
As I did not capture any photos while carrying Darren

The next day arrived,
I was feeling bored and lost.
Left Darren downstairs and I went upstairs for a break.
A flash of idea came to me that why don't I capture this moment MYSELF.

I searched for my camera and my tripod
I started taking pictures of myself
Yes..yes...it sounded vain...
and yet...i did enjoy doing it
but it was tiring...

Downloaded into my laptop,
Did some cropping, add in some effect...
ta da.......
here is the results of my hard work....

I like this the MOST.

I am happy with my work...
and I saved few hundreds of ringgit...
and able to capture this precious moment of my life.

hahahahaha...stop laughing at me.....

Week 30 Pregnancy Checkup

2010-01-20T11:19:00.002+08:00

Went for my checkup last Tuesday - exactly on my week 30.

Weight: 62.8kg
Baby's weight: approx 1.3kg (not too big)

Doc asked how my sugar control going on, I told him that I felt a bit difficult to control nowadays. He insisted that I must control, or else, if the baby turns out too big, C-section is my only option to bring her out. He was suggesting me to do a sugar test again next time but after seeing the baby's weight, he felt not necessary as the baby is not too big and he thinks that I am actually controlling my sugar level without realising it.

Asked him about chances of natural birth. He said it is all depending on what was the reason for my C-section the last time. If it is due to baby (distress or bridge..), most likely can try natural birth; But if the reason comes from the mother (not dilating..), most likely this will happen again to the mother. As for my case, he felt that last time the main reason could be Darren's head is too big for my pelvic, hence not engaging - causing no labour pain and further dilation. If the baby is not too big this time, I might have a chance for natural birth. However, there is a 1 over 800 risk of bursting the wound in the womb area.

After the scan, the doctor said she is facing down this time. with her leg up but not curling. She is like in a V- shape position. Her head is still up. Doc afraid she has problem turning as her position did not give her a favorable way to move around. Anyway, it is still too early to say and just let's see how she goes.

I still need to go for a final blood test the next visit, which is another 2 weeks from now. From now on, it will be a 2 weeks visit to the doctor.

Note: She is pretty active as compared to last time. I am not sure is it because I took neural gain. Now, I can feel her movement very much, like earthquake on my stomach sometimes. Although her movement will cause some discomfort to me at times, but I feel good coz I know she is safe inside my stomach.

Because of her, I really need to control my sugar level now. Must be strict to myself, hubby is helping to remind me about my food intake. The overly high sugar may caused the baby's lung to mature slowly and may cause problem to the baby.

Till then...baby, I will see you in 2 weeks time..

Count My Blessings... & 2010 New Year Resolutions

2010-01-14T16:43:00.001+08:00

Time really flies. Half a month already passed after we entered into a new decade. I used to have New Year resolutions every year before Darren was born but not after that. I realised that it is easier to manage ourselves rather than other people. Since I became a full time mom 3.5 years ago, my day has been determined by my precious boy. He is happy and I'll be happy; He is cranky and he will ruin my whole day. So, no point setting resolutions as my mood and day were all depends on his mood, behavior and overall well being.

But this year, I think I need a change. Not really of setting New Year resolutions but to count on my blessings. I realised that I tend to worry too much, complain too much. Probably I met less people since I am pregnant (no playgroups and less mobile), I feel that my life now is quite stagnant, except waiting for the baby to pop.

But a sms from my sister on New Year day this year has changed my outlook. It was just a simple and normal season greetings sms but I felt that the meaning is great. Before I received the sms, I was complaining to hubby that we did not achieve much this year besides conceiving this baby. Nothing great happened to myself. I felt like a loser.

In fact, the sms stated that as long as we stepped out from 2009 peacefully and healthily, we should count our blessings. Looked back 2009, think more positively and deeply, I think it was not a bad year overall. In fact, I should thank God for granting us a peaceful life.

Let me count my blessings here as I need to remind myself that I am so much more luckier than many other people outside. I think the God is treating us very well...let's jot it down and remember it, rather forget it and kept complaining...

1. It was a surprise that we conceived naturally.

2. Moreover, the baby is a GIRL.

3. I was hoping to conceive in May but she came one month later. There is a reason behind it coz if she was conceived in May, my due date will be in Feb and it will be CNY time. I will have problem finding a confinement lady and I will not be able to enjoy my CNY. Now, my due date is in mid-March and I still can enjoy my CNY before she pops. It is God's plan and I really appreciate it very much.

4. Darren is taking it very well and in fact he loves this baby SO SO SO MUCH. He makes me so proud of him and I am sure he will be a great kor kor.

5. All of us are free from serious illness for the past 1 year.

6. Darren was so healthy for the past 7 months, not even a mild flu or cough or minor injuries/accidents. He is a healthy boy.

7. Darren's speech has improved a lot since the past few months.

8. I have survived through the period without maid around.

9. She came back as promised and did not runaway. She is still 70% passed.

10. I was blessed to have people that loves Darren (grandparents and maid) to take care of him while I started pregnant with my 2nd one.

11. My pregnancy is normal (except the gestational diebetic) but it was controllable. It was God's plan again that he makes me not able to take in sweet things, so my sugar level will not shoot up.

12. Our marriage becomes more blissful after conceiving the 2nd one.

13. Hubby is so helpful and understanding and I was so lucky to have him.

14. Hubby's business was still surviving although the economy outlook was not that good last year.

15. Our house is free from fire (it happened to my next door); free from snake (there is a snake entered 2 houses few doors away from us in 2 months time but not ours); free from burglary.

16. Oh yeah.....Darren was safe with the accident happened at my opposite neighbour house (the grandmother holding the knife and Darren dashed to her).

17. Last but not the least (I know there are more than this), we are all living in harmony and are happy most days. Our home is always filled with laughter.

We are glad and blessed that nothing seriously bad has happened to us last year. I wish this year will be the same, if not better.

My this year resolutions:

1. Always count my blessings.
2. Look at the bright side and think more positively.
3. Appreciate what we have and less complain of what we don't have.
4. Accept what we cannot change with an open mind.
5. Spend the time more useful. Do something everyday and do not waste the time unnecessarily.
6. Love more. Smile more and Give more.

Let's start with all these. Hope this year will be a better year for everyone.

Beyond my ability

2010-01-07T12:50:00.002+08:00

After reading the previous post, I should be very happy with my pregnancy but not until....

I started experiencing bad morning sickness and vomitting whole day long...
I am hungry all the time but my appetite was not good and I have no cravings of food at all...
After consuming certain food (especially sweet stuffs), it makes me feel worse.
I felt dizzy easily and needed to lie down most of the time.

2nd trimester came, I felt better. But appetite still poor and discovered that I have gestational diebetic. It makes my food intake worse coz I have to watch everything I eat and control my sugar level with the glucometer. However, I am more mobile and able to go out for dinner and shopping.

3rd trimester is here now and I am feeling very heavy and aching everywhere - mostly backache. I can't walk long and I frequently felt short of breath.
I can't sleep well too and frequently woke up due to my pelvic or back pain.
I felt tired easily and needs a lot of short naps in my day.
Baby's kicking more vigorously and at times make me very uncomfortable.

I felt that getting pregnant the 2nd time is so much different from the first time. I don't get to be pampered as much as I wanted. I need to attend to the needs and demands from my active toddler.

Worse still, I cannot do a lot of things that I wanted to do like....

-I wish to blog more but no energy/time to blog. (I usually blog when Darren is asleep but now when he sleeps, I sleep too.)
-I have no time to visit other people's blog, not to mention leaving comments in their post.
-I wish I can bake/cook with my new microwave oven but I am too tired to do so. If not, no point for me to bake a cake when I can't consume sweet stuff.
-I can't go out alone with Darren coz I cannot handle him all by myself at this stage.
-I cannot bring Darren for outdoor activities (park/playground) on my own coz I won't be able to take care or run after him.
-I cannot sit on the floor and play long with him. My back will pain and I need to lie down.
-I cannot teach him cycle coz I can't bent down to guide him how to peddle. (He still cycles the half right half wrong way.)
-We can't do many outdoor activities together like painting/gardening/running and jumping/playing balls coz my movement is limited.
-I can't shop for long hours coz my back will pain after a long walk.
-I can't eat sweet things/desserts like ice-cream, ice kacang, cupcakes, chocolates.....coz of my diebetic.
-I have less patience for everything and hence I frequently raise my voice or even use cane to discipline DArren (which I don't wish to do so.).
-I can't carry DArren coz he is very heavy now.
-I find it hard to bathe and wash his buttocks coz I need to bent down.
-I wanted to teach/guide Darren but have no energy/patience to do so.

Overall, I find that with this pregnancy, a lot of things I wanted to do but all beyond my ability.

Baby, I am not complaining about having you but just that the feeling is so different now as compared to conceiving Darren 3 years back. Despite all the above, I still love you to bits and just can't wait to meet you in this world soon.

I can't wait for the day that I can hold both of your hands (darren on one side and you on the other side) and we can enjoy our outings together.

About my 2nd pregnancy......

2010-01-07T12:20:00.002+08:00

I have been wanted to write about this pregnancy long long time ago but....anyway....

This pregnancy came unexpected although we have been trying to conceive since many many moons ago. I have a history of difficulty in conceiving. So, when my menses was late last July, I never expect anything until I did the test one week later.

In fact, I was at my gynea's clinic the day before I did the test. He did ask me whether I want him to do a scan for me but I just told him "not necessary. Just wait for my menses to arrive." Went home and felt extremely hungry. Even when I was in the hospital, I went to the toilet and suddenly felt nauseatic. I thought it was the smell of the toilet causes it. Anyway, went home and walloped the whole plate of chicken rice. In the evening, we went for shopping in Bukit Tinggi and hubby suggested to have Kenny Rogers for dinner. The minute I looked at the menu, I felt nauseatic again and have no appetite for the food. Hubby, darren and my maid have Kenny Rogers while I walked to opposite and bough a big tub of KFC mashed potato as my dinner. Somehow, after dinner, I told hubby that i wanted to get a pregnancy test kit. There I bought 2 test kits from Watson.

The next morning (Sunday morning), I woke up in the morning to go to the toilet. Since I need to pee, I might as well do the test. Without putting much hope, the test kit slowly showed its "DOUBLE LINE". I couldn't believe what I saw. It was the same feeling when I conceived Darren. My heartbeat beating extra fast and my eyes open wide. Since it was still quite an early stage, the double line was not that clear. Cool myself down, I came out from the toilet and asked hubby to go to toilet and checked it out for me. It was unbelievable.

Since it was sunday, my gynea was not opened. We went to a nearby clinic to do an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy (too excited and afraid of false result). Unfortunately the ultrasound showed nothing. The doctor did another urine test for me but it showed NEGATIVE at that moment. I was disappointed.

Hubby told me to be patience. We waited till the next day. Early morning, I did another urine test and the lines showed clearer. We then headed to my gynea's clinic again to confirm the pregnancy. I brought along my pregnancy test kit too...

Although the ultrasound scan showed nothing AGAIN, my gynea is quite confident that I am actually pregnant but at a very early stage. He said that usually these kits won't make mistakes. He asked me to wait for another week and came back to check again.

1 week was too long for me. I couldn't wait so long and during one of the weekday evening (i think is Wednesday), I decided to go to a pharmacy and get another BETTER test kit to test. I bought clear blue this time and the double lines appeared within seconds. I felt more secured and confident.

The following Monday when I went back to my gynea, we finally saw the tiny dots of a new life begins. We were like in cloud nine and at times (until today), I still can't believe I am pregnant with my No.2.

Thank God for granting us this new life. We love this baby very much and promise myself to be a good parent. From then on, I have been very careful with my movement and activities because we do not want to lose it.

Week 24 & 27 Pregnancy Checkup and Updates

2009-12-31T21:23:00.004+08:00

Another 2 in 1 combined post on my pregnancy progress.

Week 24 Pregnancy Checkup
--------------------------

Weight: 61.++ kg (very slight weight gain)
In fact according to my dietition, i have lost some weight.

Everything seems good with the foetus. The baby now is around 750++gm. I told the doctor that I felt some liquid leaking when I bent down or the stomach being "squeezed". I also have some discharge too. So, doctor did a check on the amount of the amniotic fluid and swap test for me. The fluid was sufficiant but the doctor suspected infection when he collected the sample for the swap test. He inserted a pill in my vaginal and given an oral pill to consume. He said that it is normal to have infection especially I am having gestational diebetic.

The foetus is very active and has been moving and kicking when the doctor did the scan. Anyway, he checked the foetus kidney and stomach. The stomach and the kidney are at the right size. Somehow, we still did not manage to take a peep at the foetus face yet.

From now on, I will be seeing my gynea every 3 weeks since I am entering my 3rd trimester now.

Dietition visit.
------------------
Since I know what i eat will cause my sugar level to go up or down, the dietition said I don't need to see her unless I wanted to. I just need to keep on control my diet and have less sugary stuff and carbo. She wanted me to have more in between meals/snack to increase my weight. I have not been putting much weight for this pregnancy but my gynea claimed that the baby size is fine.

Week 27 Pregnancy Checkup.
-----------------------------

Weight: 63kg
Baby Weight: 900gm++

Finally we are able to see the foetus's face. It was very clear that we managed to see her side and front view. Lips are present. We noticed that she is like hubby and myself, has a very low nose bridge. Her lips seems quite thick too (none of us has thick lips). Darren was with us this time and I think he managed to see his "mei mei" more clearly. After the doctor printed out the picture, he has been holding it and looking at it without letting other people (my maid) to touch the print out.

The detail scan is considered complete and the doctor gave me a report showed that the baby is structured normally.

My previous swap test showed that I have no infection but I still have the discharge. Doctor prescribed me probiotics to increase the good bacteria in me. If I still have discharge, he will do another swap test for me during my next visit. My water leaking has reduced since I avoid squatting and squeezing my stomach nowadays.

My next visit will be another 3 weeks from now.

My maid is back!!

2009-11-30T09:12:00.002+08:00

Life without maid passed by like breeze and everything is back to normal. Good or not...I can't say. But how did the 2 weeks like without maid to me? My daily routine was...

Sent Darren to school in the morning around 9 to 9.30am.
Have breakfast.
Cleared all the dried dishes and tidied up the kitchen (which I have no time to do the night before after cooking).
Preparing food for lunch and dinner.
Tidied up the hall / or do laundry.
Rest for maybe 15 minutes.
Cooked lunch.

After doing all the above, it was already around 12.30pm. Time to pick up Darren from school.

Picked Darren up from school.
Bathed him and myself.
Took lunch together. (He finished his meal in less than 20 minutes and finished vegetables too)
Collected clothes on days we did laundry.
Fold clothes while he watches tv.
Time for nap around 2.30pm to 3pm.
Woke up around 5.30pm. (Yes...he can sleep longer during the 2 weeks. I even need to wake him up)
Watched tv a while.
Cooked dinner while Darren played water at the back kitchen. ( I usually only fried vegetables and meat usually steam or already cooked in the afternoon. I tried to cut short my cooking time in the evening coz of Darren. It takes me around 30 minutes in the kitchen in the evening to cook and wash my kuali).
Fed Darren dinner.
Wait for hubby to come back for dinner.
Washed dishes and preparing Darren's milk and bottles.
Rest a while. (By then, I will have bad backache already)
Bathed. (usually around 9.30pm)
Rest and relax.
Sleep around 11.30pm.

Hubby's clothes sent to laundry shop for ironing.
Hubby helped up in cleaning the house during weekend.
Hubby helped me to load heavy clothes to the machines.

On weekends, we enjoyed going out whole day without worries. Eat good food without thinking twice. We even went for movie and holiday to Port Dickson.
On weekday, I enjoyed the peace without a stranger at home. Everything is under my control except during the evening cooking time that Darren gives me some problem.
We hardly on the CCTV during the 2 weeks. No need to monitor anyone.

I kind of enjoying the life during the 2 weeks although Darren did give me some hard time too. While hubby went for outstation work, I kind of feeling lonely too but everything seems fine and peaceful.

I enjoyed the bonding with Darren. He told me he loves me a lot and I enjoyed his attention to me. He is easier to manage compare to when there are a 3rd party at home.
I enjoyed the quiet moment in the morning without anyone disturbing me doing work and all housework are under my OWN control.

Of course, there are many things that I want to do but beyond my ability, especially housework. I want to bring Darren to playground or cycling outside but not able to catch up with him too.

Now she is back. Everything will be back to normal. I can only pray for the best and really hope my kids will grow up fast and we can live without a maid anymore.

Maidless

2009-11-12T21:17:00.003+08:00

My house is going to be "MAIDLESS" soon..coz my maid is going for a 2 weeks holiday back home. So, I have to handle Darren, cooking, laundry and cleaning on my own. It is a big challenge for me now especially I am pregnant. Although my in laws are kind enough to offer me a helping hand, we decided not to accept as we wanted to try living without any helper around.

Somehow I have to prepare myself if she did not come back (as many people has warned me). I will just leave that to God for this matter.

In the meantime, I have to plan my meal menu well, making sure Darren will go to school without creating problems. I am sending him to holiday program for 3 hrs a day, so I can do my house work and cooking in that 3 hrs without any interruption.

We are taking this opportunity to go for a short break next week. I am looking forward to the holiday and no need to worry where to put the maid to.

It is kind of mixed feelings knowing my maid is going back. We treat her like our family member and she has been good to us (except the last 2 incidents). On one hand, I think I will miss her presence and help at home; On the other hand, I also feel relief that I do not need to worry or keep an eye on a person that I don't trust anymore. Of course, I also feel burden as I have to handle everything on my own, especially taking care of the demanding Darren. He has not been easy nowadays and I am worried I will just lost my cool and start "abusing" him when he is uncontrollable...(I am not joking..)..knowing my lack of patience with him lately.

Well, I know all these are just a matter of getting used to it and adjusting myself to live without a maid. I know I will miss my luxury time resting in my bedroom, doing my own things or watching tv as and when I want. I really don't know how well i will cope but I am sure Darren will miss his kakak for the first few days. Hope he can adjust himself well too without kakak playing with him anymore.

Emotional....emotional....

Week 17 & 20 Pregnancy Checkup and Updates

2009-11-06T22:19:00.002+08:00

I have been lazy and lost the mood in updating my blog. I should have updated my pregnancy No2 more frequent but.....anyway, I have to combine 2 of my pregnancy checkups in one post here.

Week 17 Pregnancy Checkup.
----------------------------
Weight: Slight increase in weight. (can't remember exactly)
Sugar Level: High (Doc said will have to do a diebetic test on my next visit on week 20)

When the doctor scanned me, he claimed that everything looked good until when he tried to let us hear the heartbeat...suddenly we could not hear anything from the machine. I got a shock, looked into doctor's facial expression, he looked panic too and he kept trying to locate the heartbeat......it lasted about 1 - 2 mins..we were all in silence and my heartbeat was beating faster and faster...then, the doctor turned the knob on his machine..and .

DOOP..DOOP..DOOP...DOOP.....

Finally, we all heard the baby's heartbeat. The doctor was actually forgotten to turn on the volume on his machine earlier. It really gave all of us a BIG SHOCK. From that moment, I realised how important this baby is to me. I cannot afford to lose the baby and I really love her very much.

Other updates:
1. Morning sickness has improved a lot and no more vomiting.
2. Can shop and walk for longer distance.
3. Still can't feel much about baby's movement yet.

Week 20 Pregnancy Checkup
---------------------------
Doctor was on emergency leave Monday, so I did my diebetic test on Monday and came back for scan and result on Thursday (hubby's birthday).

The diebetic test actually tests my insulin resistance level. I have to fast for at least 12 hr before the test. On that day, I was given glucose water (a cup of warm water diluted with 75g of sugar) and have to finish "sipping" it in 10 mins. Blood test and urine test were taken before the glucose water. 1 hr after the glucose water, another blood and urine test were taken again. Then the third round of urine and blood test were taken after another 1 hr. I was required to maintain low activity level during that 2 hr. Hubby brought Darren to Sunway Pyramid while I was taking the test.

Result was out the next day and the nurse told me that I have diebetes. I needed to see a dietition to control my sugar level. So, appointment with the dietition was made on Thursday, after seeing my gynea.

Results: 9.5 after 1 hr
9.8 after 2 hr
(Normal range should be <7.8)

Thursday...

Weight: 62.4
Sugar Level: Negative...

Today, we did a detail scan on the baby. The doctor scanned the heart, stomach, legs and hands, brain, backbones and other organs except the liver and kidney which will be done during the next checkup on Week 24. Everything is good and we are happy to see the baby is very active. So...come to the gender of the baby..doctor asked whether we wanted to know and I said "YES" coz I wanted to get prepared for Darren whether he is having a mei mei or di di...and the answer is....

Is ia GIRL......

So, Darren has his wish comes true. We brought him along this visit but he was a bit impatient during the scan. Although hubby kept telling him to see the baby, to him...he is more interested in seeing the doctor pressing the button on the machine.

I suddenly feel the bonding with the baby after the doctor told me is a girl...really don't know why....I think I am happy....hahaha.....

So, after the pregnancy checkup, we proceeded to another level to see the dietition. She is a nice lady. She explained everything to us and let us know how important it is for me to control my sugar level. She took down what I eat everyday and she tried to improve my menu. I need to eat small regular meal with minimum carbohydrate. I am already not taking any sweet and sugary food like cakes or milo, so, there is not much changes in my daily meal menu except I have to cut down my rice and noodle intake.

So, from now on, I need to monitor my sugar level by using the glucometer until I deliver. I needed to prick myself for minimum 2 days in a week (1 weekday and 1 weekend) after every main meal (meaning 3 times a day - 2 hrs after breakfast, lunch and dinner). If I fail the result on that day, I needed to look into my meal again the next day and repeated the 3 tests in a day until I pass the result. If...and IF I have tried my best and I still could not pass, I will need to take the insulin injection to control my sugar level.

It's the thought of pricking myself for so many times for another so many months that scares me. But, what to do...for the sake of the baby, I have to do it.

The hospital is kind enough to loan us the glucometer until I deliver. We just need to pay a deposit of RM250 and there will be no rental fees for that. We just need to buy the needles and the strips. I have to go back to the dietition every time I visit my gynea.

Overall, I am really happy that the baby is growing well and she is kicking me hard and more often nowadays. She started kicking me around week 18 but was mild kicks. Hubby finally can feel her kicks yesterday...on his birthday. She will move or kick more frequent when I lie on my side during sleeping time. Even when I am hungry, she will move more.

I can feel the existence of the baby more since she started kicking me and I love her more and more each day she grows.

Week 13 Pregnancy checkup and updates

2009-09-21T23:20:00.002+08:00

Finally..I've graduated from first trimester and entering into 2nd trimester last monday. Went for my week 13 checkup.

Updates:
Weight: 59.2kg (oppss..increased more than 2 kg)
Sugar level: slightly high. Doc said will give me a diebetic test in week 20.

Baby has grown double. This checkup, we were advised to do a first trimester test to check for risk of Down Syndrome in the baby. The test covers 3 areas: check the nose bone, the thickness of the flesh at the back of the neck and mother's blood test to double confirm the results.

When the doc scan me, the baby was not moving much. Probably sleeping. Doc asked me to take something sweet and maintain a full bladder, so to wake baby up and changed the position to a more ideal position for scanning. I took a small bottle of orange juice. Half an hr later, i went back for the scan. True enough, now the baby is awake and was moving both hands - as if like waving to us. The baby was so active.

Through the scan, saw the nose bone. So, the risk has drastically reduced. Then, the thickness is less than 3.0 (around 1.0 -1.3). So, the risk has further reduced. But the doctor said since this is still not an ideal position to confirm the results, we proceed with the blood test, to double confirm the results. The result was out 3 days later and it shows normal. Relief..... THe whole test cost us RM450.......

About the bleeding, there are still some slight bleeding in the uterus but the doctor said since the pregnancy has advanced till this stage, he is not worried about the bleeding. The only thing to be careful of is if I have period cramp kind of pain at the lower abdomen. The rest of the pain at any area of the stomach is fine. (I've been complaining some discomfort here and there around my stomach..)

We were glad that everything went on well.

Some updates on me:
1. Still feel nauseas but not all the time. Only when I over-exert myself or eat the wrong thing.Less vomitting also.
2. Still cannot take sweet stuff.
3. More energy and can walk longer distance.
4. More discomfort at the stomach area. Feel very bloated and gassy.
5. Still need to eat every 3 hrs but can stand hunger better.
6. The tongue will produce one kind of funny taste everytime after meal. This taste will cause nauseas and i tried to eat fruits or gaggle with salt water to remove the taste.

Overall I am feeling better but when i need to vomit, nothing can stop it. Somehow i dun enjoy this pregnancy as much as the first one. I feel a lot more discomfort and unwell even though I've passed my first trimester.

Since mommy is feeling so sick, I never talk or feel the baby as much as I wanted. Daddy was so busy with Darren and also his work, did not pay much attention to the baby too. Honestly, the person that pay a lot of attention to the baby is the kor kor, Darren. I'm so proud of him. He'll come and kiss my stomach on and off. He will ask to hug my stomach too, even when we were half way shopping. He really shows his affection to the baby very much.

Pregnancy Week 10 checkup and updates

2009-08-26T21:58:00.002+08:00

Went for my Week 10 check up on Monday. It was my third checkup since I discovered my pregnancy (Week 7 & Week 5). Mil was around to help to take care of Darren while hubby and I can go in peace.

Weight: 56.5kg (Has dropped about 1 kg from the last weight.)

From the scan, doctor said the baby is growing well. But he found there are some bleeding at the right side of the uterus. He asked me to be extra careful and do not aggravate the bleeding. The blood can be absorb by the body itself and asked me not to worry too much. So, I need to lie down more (I thought I already lied down most of the time) and rest more (I also thought I already rested a lot). It does worry me honestly but I tried not to think about it so much.

I am feeling extremely terrible in this pregnancy. I need to eat about 8 meals a day (round the clock) and the problem is I can only take savoury food. If I take any sweet stuff, I will definitely throw out. I vomit average once a day (escape on some good days but can throw out everything I eat on certain days). This is worse than the previous pregnancy. The nauseas feeling is always with me. It gets worse at night. So I can't really sleep well at night. The only time I can sleep well is between 9am to 11am. I guess because I am not feeling well most of the time, I always have bad dreams in my sleep (being chased, miscarriage, explosion..). It makes me feel worse when I wake up, feeling my throat with bitterness and tongue with funny taste.

I am running out of idea what to eat. I am basically sick of eating. I need to eat coz I feel hungry every 3 to 4 hrs ROUND THE CLOCK but I have no appetite to eat. Hubby also run out of idea what to buy for me to eat during midnight. I have been taking sardin and curry puff thing for my midnight snack. I also take quite a lot of Maggie (i know not healthy) coz this is the only food that will not make me vomit and fill my stomach.

I can't watch tv for too long. I can't read books and I can't look at the laptop for long too. I need to close my eyes and rest. So, most of the time, I am lying down at the sofa with my eyes closed.

I can't wait for my first trimester to pass. I am sick of being sick. I am sick of the nauseas feeling and I am sick of eating too.

Just wish the bleeding is gone during my next checkup 3 weeks later.